Reviews of Lucky Flakes 20

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  Deadly Cornflakes
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by Ng Hoi Yee on 06/21/2012
  It was a fresh idea to use something simple like cornflakes to turn it into a key element of a horror story. I wonder why the monster, turned from Tyler, would go up to his mother's bedroom to kill her. Tyler had no control of the body so it must be something else that made him do it. But why? The monster just killed the mother, not to eat her but just to kill her. Then it... It was a fresh idea to use something simple like cornflakes to turn it into a key element of a horror story. I wonder why the monster, turned from Tyler, would go up to his mother's bedroom to kill her. Tyler had no control of the body so it must be something else that made him do it. But why? The monster just killed the mother, not to eat her but just to kill her. Then it dissolved into nothingness and the police could find no trace of the boy. How did the cornflakes get to be sold in the store at the first place? The story would be better if more details were explained. Still, very creative! read
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  Review.
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by Karl Gorman on 04/22/2012
  The concept of this mutant-making cereal is new. However there needs to be something “more” here. Yes, it’s a short story, but there needs to be another aspect for this to be satisfying. Not JUST horror for the sake of horror, especially since you have (at least when I received it) classified it as a mystery/suspense as well. There needs to be – for example – a sense of where...
  The concept of this mutant-making cereal is new. However there needs to be something “more” here. Yes, it’s a short story, but there needs to be another aspect for this to be satisfying. Not JUST horror for the sake of horror, especially since you have (at least when I received it) classified it as a mystery/suspense as well.
  
  There needs to be – for example – a sense of where this strange box of cereal came from, a hint of the reason why it comes to this home, a slight revelation of why it’s flavored with cinnamon. Not too much, of course, don’t layer us with a fictional documentary either. But show us more, and have more to show.
  
  I forgot who said this phrase, but it is wonderful: “A novel needs a plot, a short story needs a point.” In other words, this story needs more of a philosophy or an important message to it. And no genre can make a warning to us all better than horror does.
  
  Maybe you have given this a theme or the likes. But if you have it needs to be clearer.
  
  Also, it is clarified that Tyler’s mother doesn’t get brand names. But “Lucky Flakes” is a brand name, isn’t it? So is Fruity Oh’s (but not oatmeal clusters). read
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  Clash of genres
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by MaxWatt on 04/23/2011
  The story experiments with two genres very well - the drama element made me empathise with Tyler and made me feel contempt for his mother, and the horror element served it's purpose to great effect (the liquefying scene made me cringe!) - but the two genres don't work together, they clash. I would have preferred a more focused and consistent tone. I found the jump from present... The story experiments with two genres very well - the drama element made me empathise with Tyler and made me feel contempt for his mother, and the horror element served it's purpose to great effect (the liquefying scene made me cringe!) - but the two genres don't work together, they clash. I would have preferred a more focused and consistent tone. I found the jump from present to past tense at the beginning quite disorientating, and think that some parts could be made more concise. By the end I felt that a lot more development could have been done, however, the fact that no explanation for the transformation is given enforces a sense of mystery, allowing the reader to use their imagination. The story is well worth a read, it shows your ability to write in more than one genre, good luck! read
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  Moving...then horror show!
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by dunphoid on 02/26/2010
  This was cool. I couldn't remember what genre(s) the story was categorized under when I started reading this, so for a long while I thought it was just a poignant drama about child abuse...which then became very Creepshow-esque and had me on the edge of my seat! It was very creepy when the cereal burned the kids arm. I don't think you needed to mention the event happening to... This was cool. I couldn't remember what genre(s) the story was categorized under when I started reading this, so for a long while I thought it was just a poignant drama about child abuse...which then became very Creepshow-esque and had me on the edge of my seat! It was very creepy when the cereal burned the kids arm. I don't think you needed to mention the event happening to another family at the end. I think that this is best left up to the imagination. I mean, the fact that the mass-distributed cereal has caused this 'possession' to this kid suggests that it will happen again to someone else.
  
  The writing to do with the mother and boyfriends was really heartbreaking. I really felt for the kid. Perhaps a more powerful unique story could be based solely on this, without the horror, and the kid's efforts to get through to his mother somehow?
  read
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  crusty flakes
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by philbklyn on 08/25/2009
  The story started in past tense then jumped into preset tense - that was a little distracting. I was wondering at first, how old is this kid? The first few pages had some interesting back story - but, I think it slowed down the story. The cereal burning and personality morphing on page 5 seemed unrealistic and out of place. Everything on page 6 happened too fast and page... The story started in past tense then jumped into preset tense - that was a little distracting. I was wondering at first, how old is this kid? The first few pages had some interesting back story - but, I think it slowed down the story. The cereal burning and personality morphing on page 5 seemed unrealistic and out of place. Everything on page 6 happened too fast and page 7 just didn't make sense to me. read
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  Spoiler Alert
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by PeacefullySubjected on 06/18/2009
  I had a hard time with this one. I love the horror genre and I thought the idea of turning breakfast cereal into a horror story could be really interesting. I was curious just how you were going to manage it. Looking at the overall story as a whole – the idea here didn’t really sit well with me. Breakfast cereal possesses children to kill their parents and then turns them... I had a hard time with this one. I love the horror genre and I thought the idea of turning breakfast cereal into a horror story could be really interesting. I was curious just how you were going to manage it. Looking at the overall story as a whole – the idea here didn’t really sit well with me. Breakfast cereal possesses children to kill their parents and then turns them into evaporating goo. Hmmmm……not sure I buy it. That said, I would be hard pressed to come up with a better scenario. I do love the reference though, cereal killer, haha.
  
  What I really enjoyed about the story was the relationship between the mother and son. Of course it was a terrible relationship, but I liked that you utilized that aspect in the story when it could have been otherwise mundane. I could understand perhaps why Tyler might want to murder his mother – cereal or no cereal. So I wasn’t terribly disheartened when he suddenly stabs her to death. Go Tyler!
  
  The writing is what got in the way for me. When you first describe Tyler waking up and his need to be quiet, I think once or twice is the perfect amount to mention it, but you mention it for just about 4 lengthy paragraphs. She’s mean and he’s afraid to wake her up – got it. I felt the same way about the scene in the kitchen. The fact that he’s eating brown box cereal and has to take care of himself and that his mom works two jobs and that they’re poor was mentioned at least twice if not three times or more. For me, it was a little bit of overkill. Sometimes simple is better and not mentioning that he’s eating an offbrand cereal every time he looks at, opens, or pours the box is OK.
  
  As soon as the Tyler-thing emerges is when the real story takes off. I’m just sad it only lasts for a page and a half. It felt a little rushed for me.
  
  Overall it was a clever little story that could definitely use a revision or three. I hope you did well in the contest though. Kudos! read
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  decent
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by tvia90 on 03/10/2009
  hmmm. this was not a horrible piece, but not impressive in my opinion. it seemed like you were writing this for a school project or something. the backstory on the mother-child relationship was too detailed for the length of the story. i also think the name brand problem the mc has with food might be overstated, but that may just be me.i dont miss the irony that the kid hates... hmmm. this was not a horrible piece, but not impressive in my opinion. it seemed like you were writing this for a school project or something. the backstory on the mother-child relationship was too detailed for the length of the story. i also think the name brand problem the mc has with food might be overstated, but that may just be me.i dont miss the irony that the kid hates generic cereal, and ends up being killed by it. i think maybe you could cut some of the dislike of generic cereal out and/or add some ominous forshadowing. maybe like when thy reach for the lucky flakes a roach crawls out of the box? idk, i think for me to like it more, it just needs to be sharpened to a more fine point. but your writing isnt horrible, it just seems this may be below your potential. goodwork, and good luck! read
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  Unlucky Flakes
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by chessaol on 02/24/2009
  The story is about a poor boy eating breakfast or is the breakfast eating him? The story starts with a boy waking up, then he goes downstairs to get breakfast, he does this slowly and in great detail. There is nothing happening and he does it slowly and in great detail. Then he eats breakfast and at last something happens. What was the hook, the wow to get me to read the... The story is about a poor boy eating breakfast or is the breakfast eating him?
  
  The story starts with a boy waking up, then he goes downstairs to get breakfast, he does this slowly and in great detail. There is nothing happening and he does it slowly and in great detail. Then he eats breakfast and at last something happens.
  
  What was the hook, the wow to get me to read the story. It was the ending. Kind of backwards don't you think.
  
  The story was wonderful, really, it was wonderful. I read Trigger Street to get literature like this. Well written, detailed and complete writing. The storyline was continuous without break or pauses and the ending was a momnent that gave completeness to the story.
  
  This is a story I hate to say anything bad about. The writing is detailed and wonderful the story is so slow starting as to hurt it severely.
  
  The details of the poor boy, abused, mom with boyfriends and always beer if not any decent cerial for breakfast. The fear of retribution for little slights, creaking floors etc. wonderful stuff.
  
  There is no dialog to move the story along it is about a little boy captured inside a moment and that moment is wonderfully done. The character is complete and believable, with motivations that are crisp and plain.
  
  Did I like it? Yes, loved it.
  The story moved at its own pace and eventually got into the action. That was too slow for a hook. The stories flaw is that it is a one trick pony. There is only one element to the story- the cerial. Perhaps enriching the storyline early would make a fuller story. read
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  cereal killer
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by cc chayce on 01/05/2009
  This story was told in a nice straight fashion, the structure was adequate and the details were well organized and appropriate. I'm not, however, sure what the point was. I thought there should've been some explanation as to why the cereal behaved so rudely towards it's eater. I thought it was going to be something to do with justice, of a sort, to bad parents, but the kid... This story was told in a nice straight fashion, the structure was adequate and the details were well organized and appropriate.
  
  I'm not, however, sure what the point was. I thought there should've been some explanation as to why the cereal behaved so rudely towards it's eater.
  
  I thought it was going to be something to do with justice, of a sort, to bad parents, but the kid didn't fare too well himself out of the deal, so I don't really get it.
  
  The author knows how to storytell, though, and I imagine he'll have other finer works in him. I hope to read some of them. read
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  Not a good prize
  A review of Lucky Flakes
  by Kevin228 on 08/13/2008
  Well I have always said breakfast full of sugar is not good for you but you really showed what happens when the shopper settles for the cheap brand. Good thing she bought the good beer. This was a good story. I hope it did well for you since people can relate to some of it. I do not know a kid who hasent tried to cheat and get the prize before the box is empty. I have read... Well I have always said breakfast full of sugar is not good for you but you really showed what happens when the shopper settles for the cheap brand. Good thing she bought the good beer. This was a good story. I hope it did well for you since people can relate to some of it. I do not know a kid who hasent tried to cheat and get the prize before the box is empty. I have read both of your stories on here and this is my favorite. I have not read a story quite like it before. It is unique. Keep up the good work and good luck. read