Reviews of Memories 26

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  GREAT HEART, NO BODY.
  A review of Memories
  by Tripsheet Revision on 02/27/2012
  This short story has some power despite its obvious direction from the first paragraph; the repetitious ‘I remember’ also drains some of its force by the end. But, that aside, we are left to ponder the memories and the images conjured by them. I enjoyed the story, what little there was of it; that it could pack much more force with more than 654 words goes without saying... This short story has some power despite its obvious direction from the first paragraph; the repetitious ‘I remember’ also drains some of its force by the end. But, that aside, we are left to ponder the memories and the images conjured by them. I enjoyed the story, what little there was of it; that it could pack much more force with more than 654 words goes without saying. The fact that the old man’s memories are pretty similar to what most people have at the close of a life well lived is something which robs much of the impact, as well. My advice would be to remove all but one or two or the ‘I remembers’, create flesh and bones for the other characters, something at least beyond thumbnail presentations of them, and give us some up close situations, genuine flashbacks, something more than just dull recitation. I think his memories should come alive, be colorful, some funny, some sad, some romantic, some erotic. Tell us about the times he almost lost his life, about how one of his kids almost died at birth, about the sensory experience of his first female conquest, etc. Your story about an old man’s memories needs some meat on the bones; otherwise we’re left wondering if his life amounted to very much at all. If the memories are dull, maybe the life was, too. It has great potential; what it needs is more committment from the writer. But it’s a good start. read
• 
  I remember....
  A review of Memories
  by mmckean on 11/28/2011
  Hey Kevin 228, Thanks for sharing your short story on TriggerStreet. Brief Summary: "Memories" is a short, three-page story about a man with Alzheimers who remembers everything when he sleeps. What I liked: The writer starts out with small details about the protagonist's life and then moves on to the serious details at the end. This is very effective. What needs work:... Hey Kevin 228,
  
  Thanks for sharing your short story on TriggerStreet.
  
  Brief Summary: "Memories" is a short, three-page story about a man with Alzheimers who remembers everything when he sleeps.
  
  What I liked: The writer starts out with small details about the protagonist's life and then moves on to the serious details at the end. This is very effective.
  
  What needs work: All the "I remember" statements get annoying. This is because each memory needs to be focused on more so it doesn't read as a list of memories but as a list of those memories most important to him. "I remember" should only be mentioned at the beginning of each new paragraph (memory)
  
  Interesting story. read
• 
  Life in a nutshell
  A review of Memories
  by bigheadx on 05/25/2011
  Thank you for the opportunity to enjoy this well-crafted story about a man's reflection upon his life. Although some might describe it as cloying or sentimentalist, its ~650 words were a gentle journey through one life that did not shy away from the difficult times. In fact, when considering its ending, it is almost a proclamation of life, a shout-it-from-the-rooftops declaration... Thank you for the opportunity to enjoy this well-crafted story about a man's reflection upon his life. Although some might describe it as cloying or sentimentalist, its ~650 words were a gentle journey through one life that did not shy away from the difficult times. In fact, when considering its ending, it is almost a proclamation of life, a shout-it-from-the-rooftops declaration that this man will not go quietly or on any terms other than his own. Congratulations on a thoroughly enjoyable piece of writing.
  
  TYPOS - WORD CHOICE - GRAMMAR - [suggestions]
  
  the way your body can relive - [your body? or your mind? heart? soul?]
  
  She was gorgeous with long red hair - She was gorgeous, with long red hair
  
  meeting my wife on the set of Jack Rabid - meeting my wife on the set of "Jack Rabid." [here's also a chance to comment on the type of film it was, further expanding the development of the narrator]
  
  I remember all of the happy times we shared. - [details! more details, please!]
  
  Oh God do I remember when they started dating - Oh, God, do I remember when they started dating [would be nice to know how similar/dissimilar the girls were]
  
  games I took my family too - games I took my family to
  
  I remember seeing my girl’s graduate high school - I remember seeing my girls graduate high school
  
  during our families holiday get together - during our family's holiday get-together
  read
• 
  Review of Memories
  A review of Memories
  by jenjen21 on 04/11/2011
  I really liked this story and found myself definitely emotionally stirred by the end of it. The last paragraph, I just adored it and it’s been one of my favorites that I’ve read on this site. I felt the main character’s first person narrative was excellent and the whole story reads like a long poem almost. I like the repetitive ‘I remember’, ‘I remember’, as if the character... I really liked this story and found myself definitely emotionally stirred by the end of it. The last paragraph, I just adored it and it’s been one of my favorites that I’ve read on this site. I felt the main character’s first person narrative was excellent and the whole story reads like a long poem almost. I like the repetitive ‘I remember’, ‘I remember’, as if the character is assuring both himself and us that he can and does remember his life. I think the structure of the piece fits the overall message the story is trying to convey and heightens the impact of the ending. I found the ending so affective that I actually went back a re-read the piece again, commenting to my friend that there was a short story online I wanted her to read. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. read
• 
  Memories
  A review of Memories
  by GreatJJ on 12/16/2010
  I enjoyed your short story immensley. A very well written piece that moved me. As I think about it, It dawns on me there were a lot of bases touched in one small writing. It was like a poem to me. Short, terse, with a lot of emotional touches and meanings. Something small holding in itself a gigantic treasure. Hard for me to puts into words as I recall more and more of the... I enjoyed your short story immensley. A very well written piece that moved me. As I think about it, It dawns on me there were a lot of bases touched in one small writing. It was like a poem to me. Short, terse, with a lot of emotional touches and meanings. Something small holding in itself a gigantic treasure. Hard for me to puts into words as I recall more and more of the story as I write this. What a surprise of a story.
  Thank you for the read.
  
  mr savage read
• 
  A little sad and a little confused
  A review of Memories
  by Suesea on 10/05/2010
  The structure of this story is different, and at first, it threw me off. It was more a list of memories than a story. It wasn't until the end, the last paragraph, that I got an idea why the writer chose this style. The story is brief and powerful, but I'm not sure what to say about it. I'm reflecting on the message and the structure that was used. I'm not sure if telling... The structure of this story is different, and at first, it threw me off. It was more a list of memories than a story. It wasn't until the end, the last paragraph, that I got an idea why the writer chose this style. The story is brief and powerful, but I'm not sure what to say about it.
  
  I'm reflecting on the message and the structure that was used. I'm not sure if telling the story with characters, dialog, and showing his struggle through actions would better suit the message. As it is, the story touched my heart, but I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's. So, I'm going to be more sensitive to the issue. However, someone else may be impacted more if you were to write this with a more recognizable design. That's purely speculative and maybe the way you have written it makes the story stand out more? How confusing is that? Sorry, I'm not more helpful.
  
  Overall, I liked the story. I think the initial confusion at the structure actually adds to the message. It may be that the one telling the story, the main character, is having trouble writing the story due to the alzheimer's and is just trying to get his memories down on paper. Well, as you can see, this story's style stumped me a little, but why should they all be written the same?
  
  Good job.
  
  Suesea read
• 
  Memories
  A review of Memories
  by YeahHi on 08/31/2010
  I found the ending of this short (short) story surprisingly touching and impactful. I think the brevity really worked with the subject matter to show just how quickly a life flies by. While the repetition of “I remember” worked on an almost poetic/chant level, it was a bit too repetitive. I’d consider rephrasing at least some of them. “I remember everything good and everything... I found the ending of this short (short) story surprisingly touching and impactful. I think the brevity really worked with the subject matter to show just how quickly a life flies by.
  
  While the repetition of “I remember” worked on an almost poetic/chant level, it was a bit too repetitive. I’d consider rephrasing at least some of them.
  
  “I remember everything good and everything bad.” Most of the memories the narrator recounts are happy ones. It might be more interesting dramatically if he dwelt on some of the more painful ones as well.
  
  Best of luck with it,
  Shauna read
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  going out with dignity
  A review of Memories
  by philbklyn on 12/04/2009
  This was an interesting piece with a surprise ending -- well done. It was however, a memoir, and not a short story. It will be hard to judge, because there is only one character (the narrator), no plot, and no dialogue. The story was short and well written and I enjoyed reading it. Spelling and grammar are not my strong points and I really don't have any criticism, this... This was an interesting piece with a surprise ending -- well done. It was however, a memoir, and not a short story. It will be hard to judge, because there is only one character (the narrator), no plot, and no dialogue. The story was short and well written and I enjoyed reading it. Spelling and grammar are not my strong points and I really don't have any criticism, this review is short because the story is short. read
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  Glorious memories
  A review of Memories
  by Wordlover on 10/08/2009
  I loved how you wrote the memories. You allowed me to remember memories of my own. Each one very distinct and personal. As for emotion, you gave me the reader a sense of each emotion of happiness, love and joy. I believe that most people would choose to fall asleep rather than having their memories leave them. Wonderful story, thank you for allowing me to join in on those memories... I loved how you wrote the memories. You allowed me to remember memories of my own. Each one very distinct and personal. As for emotion, you gave me the reader a sense of each emotion of happiness, love and joy. I believe that most people would choose to fall asleep rather than having their memories leave them. Wonderful story, thank you for allowing me to join in on those memories as well as recalling some of my own. read
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  WOW !!!!! GREAT !!!!!
  A review of Memories
  by mindsetme on 09/06/2009
  As soon as I got your review I had a good feeling about it. It was just special! I just bought myself a great camera yesterday. My father is very sick. With all this and my great memories, it brought me to a special place. I cryed at the end it was so good ... I am going to copy it and give to my family and friends.Your a lucky man from what I have read. I hope I can write... As soon as I got your review I had a good feeling about it. It was just special!
  
  I just bought myself a great camera yesterday. My father is very sick. With all this and my great memories, it brought me to a special place.
  
  I cryed at the end it was so good ...
  
  I am going to copy it and give to my family and friends.Your a lucky man from what I have read. I hope I can write something like this when I am older.
  
  Thank you so much for sharing...
  read