Reviews of My Name Is Jessica and I'm an Addict 6

• 
  Standard Addiction Story
  A review of My Name Is Jessica and I'm an Addict
  by YBU on 05/04/2012
  Jessica, as the addicted grand daughter of William, is your average drug addict. William is your average, aging grandfather; crusty and always knows better. She happens to win her personal journey into and out of drug addiction. It is fairly well written. There are a number of spelling errors/improper word choices which need to be looked into. More proofing is required... Jessica, as the addicted grand daughter of William, is your average drug addict. William is your average, aging grandfather; crusty and always knows better. She happens to win her personal journey into and out of drug addiction.
  
  It is fairly well written. There are a number of spelling errors/improper word choices which need to be looked into. More proofing is required.
  
  And could you please stick to one font throughout the duration of any story you write in the future. That would be for the best.
  
  I think there was too much description of the characters in the beginning. Picturing her through description, rather than what she does or how she reacts is empty.
  
  This is a straight forward, anti-drug, short story.
  
  There was little to no subtext. Everyone was plain speaking, intentions were clear. And in this circumstance, that is usually how it is. The older person nags at the younger addict who's often trying to 'feel special' in a world where they probably are not considered by anyone to be special at all.
  
  It's a classic scenario.
  
  The trouble is, it didn't say anything I hadn't heard a hundred times before. The story was almost, cliche. That said, it was engagingly written. I think we were robbed of hearing exactly what Jessica had gone through, after all it is a story about her and her Grandfather. That was the one thing I thought that should not be left to subtext.
  
  Overall, the point of view of the Grandfather came across the strongest. The settings were sparingly described, which made them more vivid; in contrast to the character descriptions in the beginning.
  
  I liked the tone of the short story. It was consistent, which gave it a uniform feeling; in contrast to the fonts changing every 4 pages or so.
  
  Keep working on it. It's a nice short story. It is good, but not great. read
• 
  Thought-Provoking
  A review of My Name Is Jessica and I'm an Addict
  by mmckean on 07/30/2011
  I am surprised by all the well-written stories I have read on TriggerStreet thus far, and this is no exception. I also feel that I must acknowledge the important message this piece delivers to the reader. At times I do think it gets a little "preachy" though. I had to go back through the story several times to figure out why I felt this way. I think it is because there is too... I am surprised by all the well-written stories I have read on TriggerStreet thus far, and this is no exception. I also feel that I must acknowledge the important message this piece delivers to the reader. At times I do think it gets a little "preachy" though. I had to go back through the story several times to figure out why I felt this way. I think it is because there is too much "telling/exposition" and not enough "showing/dialogue or scenes". For example, show us how good Jessica was before she started using drugs and show us how bad she was afterwards. Don't just tell us. Let us see why drugs are bad and how they cause familial conflict.
  For me the story didn't really start until page 9, when William tried to catch that drug-pushing punk. When I was reading that part of the story I imagined William as the main character from Gran Torino (Clint Eastwood), don't ask me why.
  I also noticed that the font changed several times throughout the story (p.23, p. 25, etc). Why all the font changes? Font changes are typically used for character's thoughts or for letters and, although in some instances this held true in your story, by and large they just felt random to me.
  
  Overall this story has definite potential and I can tell you are a fine writer. In fact, I was a little hesitant about reviewing your story to begin with after reading your impressive bio. I am not a professional writer myself, and if you have read any of my stories that much is obvious, but I have tried to do my best for you in this review. I enjoyed this story, thanks for sharing. read
• 
  IS NO FOOL LIKE OLD FOOL
  A review of My Name Is Jessica and I'm an Addict
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/28/2011
  Is interesting story about family love and deadly hypocrisy -- in other words, is story about typical family. Both strong currents work well in story, because both are omnipresent in all our lives. As I read this, I run through typical, expected gamut of emotions; temper rises and falls, and I find my own finger pointing back at myself more than once. It is a deadly thing,... Is interesting story about family love and deadly hypocrisy -- in other words, is story about typical family. Both strong currents work well in story, because both are omnipresent in all our lives. As I read this, I run through typical, expected gamut of emotions; temper rises and falls, and I find my own finger pointing back at myself more than once. It is a deadly thing, addiction, and no matter how many roads lead to it all those roads share great similarities, as well as lies and inevitable destinations downhill. Every character in this story is realistic and very much lifelike. And way each reacts to ongoing flow of circumstance is realistic and believable. Story is really good, and characters are all sympathetic and lovable in their way. But is kind of written, for some reason unknown to me, in very big rush. Re-imagined, it might be possible to tell story in a more visually accessable style, where style of prose lends itself more to giving readers a chance to contemplate as they follow developments. It now feels like horserace. There are many gaps on pages, and different font styles, bold print and then light print, and this only distracts readers from what is potentially a gathering force of considerable emotional power. These technical distractions rob your final scenes of reader’s full focus, which you want to hold on to very much at the end, where dramatic payoff is. Grandpa’s death, highlighting his own weaknesses and hypocrisy, happens too fast, in my opinion, as does his funeral. Is touching, but by staying within yourself and your original intention (which is to tell truth and move hearts with story) I think it could be much more effecting in only good way. This is very good writing and is very good story, which unsettles emotions in strong way. I am an alcoholic and also a drug user, plus I am sex addict -- lucky me, I win Trifecta! I see story by you as important, so do not get tired of re-writes or of criticisms. Most stories, here and in every other place, are only nonsense, entertainment, which is unimportant thing. But if you are maker of important story then you have responsibility to send it as far as you possibly can. Hemmingway says there is no such thing as great writer, there is only rewriting, so never stop. I admire you, whoever the hell you are, and whatever shit you have been through. read
• 
  A well-told message.
  A review of My Name Is Jessica and I'm an Addict
  by nick74 on 04/04/2011
  There's an endless well of dramatic possibilities in familial stories involving drug abuse and hard love. This one capitalizes quite well on mixing an old-school philosophy into a changing and often dastardly world. Your voice, especially in character descriptions, is one of season. It goes down like grandpa's single malt whiskey --- smooth as butter with a twist of edge. You... There's an endless well of dramatic possibilities in familial stories involving drug abuse and hard love. This one capitalizes quite well on mixing an old-school philosophy into a changing and often dastardly world. Your voice, especially in character descriptions, is one of season. It goes down like grandpa's single malt whiskey --- smooth as butter with a twist of edge. You most particularly highlighted William, painting him in literary strokes that were punctuated with nice prose. I could see this old man clearly. I understood his struggles with a shifting society and, I must admit, agree with some of his purist undertones. A hard shell. A soft heart.
  
  As much as I found myself relating to William I had to wonder if this story was truly his --- or, perhaps, if it didn't belong to Jessica. Though she was explained to be, with the deftness with which you described William, the story shifted away from her perspective long enough so that when we came back I nearly needed to get to know her all over again. At that point, though I certainly drifted along with her plight, I didn't empathize quite as much as I wanted to. Through the message of the story - a strong one in deed - I found myself getting the slightest bit distracted as we pulled away from William. And once that happened the story began to take on a quality of "All plot". Still though, it all made sense as it unfolded and became a vast scoring of America vs. its own ideals, youth vs. drugs, culture coming together in this generational clash.
  
  Again, I most liked William. On many levels I agree with him --- his experiences and preferences, especially in relation to a political mindset, his love of old cinema, etc. He is a fine expression of the last, truest Americana, however, his character, though struggling through a trying time, didn't seem to learn anything essential. The characters around him did, especially Jessica, but William himself simply marched on to his own tune. This element inside your story is what pulls me into two directions the most and is worth hours of conversation. In a literary sense I want to see him change and grow, yet in a humanistic sense, I don't. I think he was right on with his (not to sound redundant) old school ways of being responsible, paying for our mistakes, growing through hurt. His rant about the value of pain was fan-TAS-tic! Right on. Unfortunately it's become, as you say yourself in so many words, unpopular. And what a shame, that this character will suffer in a literary light for being the true warrior against a complacent society and never changing. I say kudos to William, and pretty much everyone will disagree with me. read
• 
  SAD, TRUE, NOT UNCOMMON
  A review of My Name Is Jessica and I'm an Addict
  by gclifton on 04/03/2011
  This is somewhat less a short story and more of a familiar anthology normally seen in popular magazines. Generally speaking, a short story, I believe should be comfortably read in one sitting. This sad tale would read more cleanly if less was said about the grandfather character's muscles, sexual attractiveness and political beliefs and adddress the problem. American society... This is somewhat less a short story and more of a familiar anthology normally seen in popular magazines. Generally speaking, a short story, I believe should be comfortably read in one sitting.
  
  This sad tale would read more cleanly if less was said about the grandfather character's muscles, sexual attractiveness and political beliefs and adddress the problem. American society is declining on many fronts."Slithering" along as I believe you described my characters from East Texas. What probably should have been included in that story was that Billy Fred etal(true guys with names changed) were hung up on meth from age twelve.
  
  Those characters are low rent parasites who can only take from society. The Jessica character is a clone of far too many from privileged families. Somebody had to buy the kid a cellular phone, provide cash for dope, buy her a car, buy her jewelry to pawn -- because "hey grandpa, everyone else has one".
  
  People, understandably, want their children to have the good life. Often parents are reluctant to discipline their children for fear of the kid "not liking them." Now, note the federal government sticking their tentacle in to confuse swatting a kid on the butt with brutality.
  
  Nothing to do but punch a iphone all day is a recipe for problems. Ask the smartest kids in school today to ID the Vice President and expect more than one answer. Lack of discipline causes lack of self discipline, and the direct result is loss of self respect. Note, page 4: "Jessica is depressed..." A cause rather than a result, perhaps? Grandfather nips only the good stuff. More cause and effect?
  
  Mechanically, this tale would read more smoothly with less words. Tennyson and Cervantes are solid, good reading, but tend to delay the start of your story.
  
  And none of that is criticism. I have many years experience in hearing painful experiences from distressed people. The biggest obstacle is getting someone to listen...really listen. Your observation of the rehab clinic's main thrust being how to garner more cash is spot on. If this is biographical, then extra words are no crime.
  
  Keep punching those keys. And BTW, I agree with your political position down the line. read
• 
  i was hooked...
  A review of My Name Is Jessica and I'm an Addict
  by cc chayce on 02/22/2011
  Thanks for such an uplifting story. It hit very close to home, which made it quite difficult to read at times, but it was worth it. I think your structure is well organized and your pacing nicely even - though there a few tangents that you might want to consider trimming away at, such as Gene Tierney's boyfriend's new wife, or whatever :) You created a sympathetic character... Thanks for such an uplifting story. It hit very close to home, which made it quite difficult to read at times, but it was worth it.
  
  I think your structure is well organized and your pacing nicely even - though there a few tangents that you might want to consider trimming away at, such as Gene Tierney's boyfriend's new wife, or whatever :)
  
  You created a sympathetic character in Jessica, making the reader have no choice but to root for her. same for her grampa. I often have a hard time cheering for staunch conservatives who admire Bill O'Reilly and who are to the right of Rush Limbaugh, but I desperately hoped he would be successful in helping his cherished granddaughter.
  
  I really liked how he attempted an email several times, was wise enough to see it wouldn't be helpful, then eventually wrote a perfect response.
  
  All in all, nicely done.
  
  ~ Cal read