Reviews of Not My Secret to Tell 41

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  The Beginning...And Not The End
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by MarcTwine on 05/25/2013
  Nicely done. One wonders where this will go. And go on. Dialogue crisp. Concept: intriguing. When evil starts, where does it end? And who, ultimately, is empowered to end it. Going back in one's history -- no doubt most would have regrets. And secrets, or things they would prefer to remain secret. Leaving them vulnerable to exploitation. Or commit more mistakes in an attempt... Nicely done. One wonders where this will go. And go on.
  
  Dialogue crisp. Concept: intriguing. When evil starts, where does it end? And who, ultimately, is empowered to end it.
  
  Going back in one's history -- no doubt most would have regrets. And secrets, or things they would prefer to remain secret. Leaving them vulnerable to exploitation. Or commit more mistakes in an attempt to rectify their past.
  
  Credible & insightful, I enjoyed this. No real criticism from this reviewer. read
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  It's Much Easier The Second Time - A Review of, Not My Secret To Tell
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by writermorris on 02/20/2013
  This short story was just up my street, a couple having a meal in a diner encounter their past and deal with it in a most practical way. That is the story, but it is so innocently told by this writer that we are lulled into a false sense of knowing where this story is going before the final twist blows you away. I was completely taken in by this innocent and nervous couple,... This short story was just up my street, a couple having a meal in a diner encounter their past and deal with it in a most practical way. That is the story, but it is so innocently told by this writer that we are lulled into a false sense of knowing where this story is going before the final twist blows you away. I was completely taken in by this innocent and nervous couple, but what you see, isn't what you always get. I really enjoyed the last piece I reviewed of this writer's and this is another piece of great short story writing. I did have a couple of problems, perhaps the back story could have been a little more detailed, and also perhaps the teacher wouldn't have waited so long before approaching them, most people of his ilk would have been blackmailing them for years before this approach in the diner. But the bottom line is that this writer can certainly write. many thanks. I look forward to reading more of your work. read
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  Effective storytelling
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by johnregan on 09/27/2012
  Well-written story with plenty of suspense and twists and turns. I liked the ending very much. It reminds me some of Hemingway with the short crisp sentences. Nice job. Some minor suggestions: Use restroom or men’s room. Not sure why is capitalized. Remove the quotes from wood tone – not needed. Maybe show Mr. Mattingly being fat rather than telling us he is obese (i.e.,... Well-written story with plenty of suspense and twists and turns. I liked the ending very much.
  
  It reminds me some of Hemingway with the short crisp sentences. Nice job.
  
  Some minor suggestions:
  Use restroom or men’s room. Not sure why is capitalized.
  Remove the quotes from wood tone – not needed.
  Maybe show Mr. Mattingly being fat rather than telling us he is obese (i.e., show don’t tell).
  
  Page 2, par 6 where you use glasses, frames, and lenses to describe the same thing does not work for me. I would simply call them glasses and stick with that.
  
  Avoid directional markers that are not needed such as “I looked down at my plate” and use “I looked at my plate” and let the reader deduce it is down as where else could it be?
  
  “I need to get back to my hotel” sounds cleaner as “I need to get to my hotel.”
  
  Quality writing and the best story I have read so for. No spelling or grammar errors, which is rare these days.
  
  
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  Typical but workable
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/26/2012
  The story line is not extraordinary but the story has the potential to be further developed into a short novel. As a short story however it does not incite much mental imagery. Maybe if it was a few pages longer more suspense and drama could have been incorporated. As it is it seems hurried, rushed even. The main characters are detailed enough but Mr. Hunt's character could... The story line is not extraordinary but the story has the potential to be further developed into a short novel. As a short story however it does not incite much mental imagery. Maybe if it was a few pages longer more suspense and drama could have been incorporated. As it is it seems hurried, rushed even. The main characters are detailed enough but Mr. Hunt's character could have been developed a little bit more. Paul's entry could have been more provoking for Danny to kill him. A case of mistaken identity doesn't seem to justify being beaten to death. In my opinion, for a short story, it lacks the depth and detail for a first time reader to want to read another story by the same author. I certainly would not sequence it as one of the first 5 stories in a short story compilation. read
• 
  I'd like to read more
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by Shapuhi on 06/19/2012
  I'm not well educated in my chosen craft so when I review I leave the technical stuff to those better qualified. What I do is tell what I like, don't like and what I want more of. I like this story. The characters are well crafted with the one exception of Danny, he seems a little thin. Mr. Hunt sure seems like a crafty devil, I like him. I was a little lost on the couples... I'm not well educated in my chosen craft so when I review I leave the technical stuff to those better qualified. What I do is tell what I like, don't like and what I want more of. I like this story. The characters are well crafted with the one exception of Danny, he seems a little thin. Mr. Hunt sure seems like a crafty devil, I like him. I was a little lost on the couples age, I know they have been out of school for a couple decades but I would like to see more insight on their timeframe. That being said, this story left me wanting to know about the rest of their tale. I guess I'd like to see it more fleshed out. Overall though, I really liked this story. read
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  The Big Chill meets Quentin Tarrantino
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by nick74 on 06/05/2012
  Hi Karla! Not My Secret to Tell starts off nice and easy, like a comfy little high school reunion tale, but by the end this story is dripping with a certain cool factor. The journey we go from A to Z is wrought with character surprises and some really juicy dialog --- especially the whole bit about Proteosomes(?) Nice! We get a thriller and a biology lesson rolled into one,... Hi Karla!
  
  Not My Secret to Tell starts off nice and easy, like a comfy little high school reunion tale, but by the end this story is dripping with a certain cool factor. The journey we go from A to Z is wrought with character surprises and some really juicy dialog --- especially the whole bit about Proteosomes(?) Nice! We get a thriller and a biology lesson rolled into one, which gives the story authenticity and believability. I really liked this story. And the end, with it's subtle resolution, was a gripper and a half! A nicely revealed story.
  
  Critically, watch your paragraph spacing. You've probably heard it from other reviewers, but the overall structure could use some tightening up --- double spacing throughout, indenting of new paragraphs, etc. A minor observation at best.
  
  Also, I can't help but feel there are tiny holes left to fill in, in the plot. I'm not sure what the beef was with Paul (the victim), and the logistics of why and how everyone ended up in the same diner after so many years could be clarified a little.
  
  Oh man, the moment where Mr. Hunt mentions the name Paul Hendricks is a chilling punch to the gut. Capitalize on it with some of your simple, but powerful prose. The lead up went on for quite a while --- our two protags listening to the old man go on and on, knowing what was coming, and then POW! there it is. Show your reader a reaction to this to give the moment a little more payoff.
  
  I think the best part of your writing is your pace. I never stumbled over the message of your prose or found my mind wandering away from the story. Once I was in, I was IN! and that always makes for a fun ride. Your 12 pages literally felt like 4. And the end, again, is a thoughtful and subtle combination of relationship and character action. The part about the quarterback, by the way, is a nice, tension-building diversion that makes me wonder about the level of sadism Mr. Hunt possesses, even if secretly. But he'll get his do. I don't have to guess who's getting punctured next. Well done.
  
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  revenge from an educated perspective
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by Point_and_shoot on 06/03/2012
  I found this read easy to get into. The scene grabbing moments for me was not the typical action scenes such as; the bit where Danny punched Paul. I don't think that part was done with the attention it needed. The word 'punched/punching' was used three or more times to describe a punching scene. But it was the bit at the diner where the main character talks of the wet wavy... I found this read easy to get into. The scene grabbing moments for me was not the typical action scenes such as; the bit where Danny punched Paul. I don't think that part was done with the attention it needed. The word 'punched/punching' was used three or more times to describe a punching scene. But it was the bit at the diner where the main character talks of the wet wavy hair, and how it later links to a flashback from the past where the Paul character was thrown overboard. I think the interaction between all characters were quite polished. I found the sense of humour and education from the Mr. Hunt character to be refreshing. I tales of mysteries and events that are rooted in the past coming to haunt the present, and I think that this one is well rounded. They say you must learn something new from stories, a fact or whatnot - I think what the Danny character learnt from Mr Hunt qualifies regardless of what he is going to do with that knife. read
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  Interesting
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by RufusZOMbot on 05/28/2012
  I liked the concept. What I didn't like was how straight-forward he was about asking them to do it. Not really a big deal, and it's just my opinion. I liked the set up of what had happened in the past for the most part. It seems like everything just happened, without thinking about anything. Other than that, it was good. I liked how the end was just a set up for what he was... I liked the concept. What I didn't like was how straight-forward he was about asking them to do it. Not really a big deal, and it's just my opinion. I liked the set up of what had happened in the past for the most part. It seems like everything just happened, without thinking about anything. Other than that, it was good. I liked how the end was just a set up for what he was going to do instead of actually writing it out. Keep up the good work. read
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  Dark, Gritty, and a Great Opening to Something More
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by michaelmulcahy on 05/27/2012
  This was a really nice story. The scene was built well, the tension was thoroughly described, and I liked the point of view you used to tell the story. It's a great plot, and it was one of those short stories where you were ready to read more. I want to know what happens next, what Danny is going to do, how it's all going to play out; this would be a solid first act to a novel... This was a really nice story. The scene was built well, the tension was thoroughly described, and I liked the point of view you used to tell the story. It's a great plot, and it was one of those short stories where you were ready to read more. I want to know what happens next, what Danny is going to do, how it's all going to play out; this would be a solid first act to a novel. Anyway, the only suggestion I can give is maybe making the dialogue a bit more snappy, the parts without the science anyway, as that was perfect. But that's just nitpicking because it was good enough that I don't really have much else to say. read
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  Great Concept
  A review of Not My Secret to Tell
  by Ng Hoi Yee on 05/26/2012
  The story's idea is very good with it being able to get really interesting as many things could happen after Mr Hunt's chat with Danny and Betsy. I wonder who Paul Hendrick has mistaken Betsy for? Someone that he hates and what would be the reason? It would be better if there was more information in the profile of Paul. Was he a good friend or a random school mate to Danny... The story's idea is very good with it being able to get really interesting as many things could happen after Mr Hunt's chat with Danny and Betsy.
  
  I wonder who Paul Hendrick has mistaken Betsy for? Someone that he hates and what would be the reason? It would be better if there was more information in the profile of Paul. Was he a good friend or a random school mate to Danny and Betsy?
  
  If Paul had gone missing, wasn't there any police investigation and what'd be the outcome?
  
  Over all, Love the idea and smooth writing. read