Reviews of Olive Trees in the Airport 13

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  The narrow aisles of prejudice and ignorance
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by f-ceska on 05/11/2012
  This is an interesting, thought-provoking and intelligent political analysis of what has brought about the current tide of rampant paranoia and superstition in the USA, especially as regards the Arab race, and their place in Christianity. I liked your insights, and I liked your arguments. I liked the way you placed the setting and the character in an airport and highlighted... This is an interesting, thought-provoking and intelligent political analysis of what has brought about the current tide of rampant paranoia and superstition in the USA, especially as regards the Arab race, and their place in Christianity. I liked your insights, and I liked your arguments. I liked the way you placed the setting and the character in an airport and highlighted the difficulties an ordinary person has to deal with when surrounded by ignorance and prejudice.
  
  However, as a short story, I felt it was a bit too philosophical. There was too much narration and not enough story. Until the final scene there was no action or dialogue as such and the character had difficulty to develop. I wanted to know more about the character's family, his father's incarceration and torture, his mother's grief, etc. I think this would be far more successful as a story if you found a way to get your message across in a way that it didn’t sound like a diatribe or a polemic. You need to build a story and weave your message into it. That’s not an easy task, but you are clearly a talented writer, and I’m sure you can work at it.
  
  Nitpicks
  No page numbers
  p.1 situation were knowledge = where
  p.2 ‘Arab cause’ and ‘bear the cross’ = I presume this is deliberate apparent oxymoron? Clever lead in to where you’re going with this.
  p.5 four them alive = four of them
  p.5 BROADCASTED = BROADCAST (past tense, irregular)
  p.6 is refilling = was refilling (it doesn’t matter if the meaning still applies in the present. The story is told using past tense so you need to stick to that).
  p.6 is leaps and bounds = was (ditto).
  p.12 “I am a fucking…” = if he’s only thinking this, use italics, not speech marks.
  p.12 him and his mother = he and his mother
  
  Good luck. read
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  A worldly conundrum...
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by nick74 on 03/24/2011
  This is an enormously interesting piece of political jargon. At several points the descriptive quality of your voice is breath-taking and your creative choices with wording is spot on, a commendable achievement in writing. Written by a voice of clarity, this story very succinctly outlines the Arabic --- and specifically the Palestinian --- view concerning Israel, the media,... This is an enormously interesting piece of political jargon. At several points the descriptive quality of your voice is breath-taking and your creative choices with wording is spot on, a commendable achievement in writing. Written by a voice of clarity, this story very succinctly outlines the Arabic --- and specifically the Palestinian --- view concerning Israel, the media, a Zionist view, a discussion of semitism and anti-semitism with a deep degree of pragmatism, even US involvement in world affairs. But one should be careful when illustrating any view point that dives so heavily into a socio-political, overtly controversial subject in so much that if it is expressed with an ingredient of morose embitterment and borderline sarcasm, it will only come off as propogandistic and one-sided. I say this, however, with the full understanding that America is truly the only place where such behavior is welcome by constitutional writ, to my knowledge. Discussing the nation of humanity, however, which shares no borders, is another topic all together and worth discussion. read
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  Olive Trees in the Airport
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by GreatJJ on 01/07/2011
  Excellent story. It was very thought provoking and well told.I was moved by the indepth look at how some Arabs think. And it makes sense when you see how complacent non-Arabic Americans are. There is not a lot of media covrage on the plight and discrimination put upon Arabs. This was very well written and a delight to read. It makes participation in Trigger Street rewarding... Excellent story. It was very thought provoking and well told.I was moved by the indepth look at how some Arabs think. And it makes sense when you see how complacent non-Arabic Americans are.
  There is not a lot of media covrage on the plight and discrimination put upon Arabs. This was very well written and a delight to read. It makes participation in Trigger Street rewarding being exposed to such professional works.
  I look forward to reading more of your stories.
  
  Jim read
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  EDITORIAL PAGE?
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by gclifton on 03/01/2010
  Sort of sad, really. Good ol' boy from Jordan with no biases, prejudices, or any faults whatsoever journeys to the evil United States, finds the whole rest of the world superior because they allow smoking in airport. Along the way, the unleases a rambling diabribe agsinst -- let's see, Halliburton, Cheney, Exxon, my goodness we're taking Iraq's oil to refill Texas wells,... Sort of sad, really. Good ol' boy from Jordan with no biases, prejudices, or any faults whatsoever journeys to the evil United States, finds the whole rest of the world superior because they allow smoking in airport. Along the way, the unleases a rambling diabribe agsinst -- let's see, Halliburton, Cheney, Exxon, my goodness we're taking Iraq's oil to refill Texas wells, 9-11 was some sort of American conspiracy-- it goes on and on. Fortunately you can speak your mind in the U.S.
  
  This creation makes a pretty fair argument for profiling passengers getting on those airplanes before ol' Mimtaser heads on back where life if perfect. read
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  Nervewracking
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by dunphoid on 02/22/2010
  This read like a pretty damning critique of the Patriot Act, which I'm not aware of, but I got the impression from the context of this story that it is an actual power used to detain anyone the US deems suspicious. The little moments of action were few and far between, but these were my favourite bits...such as the gleam of the badge hitting him in the eyes and the description...
  This read like a pretty damning critique of the Patriot Act, which I'm not aware of, but I got the impression from the context of this story that it is an actual power used to detain anyone the US deems suspicious.
  
  The little moments of action were few and far between, but these were my favourite bits...such as the gleam of the badge hitting him in the eyes and the description of the 'interrogation room', and his paranoia of people staring at him.
  
  The notebook account by his father was really chilling.
  
  The mental gymnastics Muntaser underwent were pretty realistic considering his nervous frame of mind. However, at times I found the information exhausting to read, as if I was being lectured to. Now, don't get me wrong, it was all very interesting information, but the volume of facts crammed into this short story was too much for my feeble mind to take in! No doubt everyone will review your story loving the volume of info...I personally just had a hard time getting it all processed and considered. Pages 4-7 were tough-going for me. As a matter of personal preference, I always need a little bit of action going on to keep my attention. While Muntaser's inner dialog was presenting me with some interesting facts I was unaware of (four pictures of students in England), some of the info, such as stealing the oil from Iraq was stuff I've heard about many times before in documentaries.
  
  The Fox News scene was difficult for me to absorb. Perhaps I should get a better handle on politics but I was struggling with my understanding of Zionists and Semites. This was heavy stuff which I felt I would have needed to really read up on in order to appreciate.
  
  I'm in awe of your political knowledge, especially since, having checked your bio, you are only 24. You are clearly passionate about politics, and having an opinion about things. It is great to be able to inject personal passion into writing, so keep at it. Well done.
  
  In summary, I would prefer more action in this story, such as beginning the story from earlier in the day, encountering opposing characters in a taxi, in a hotel, a bar, in a shop, in order to dole out your info a little bit at a time in the build-up to being confronted by the agents in the airport. read
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  Arab Viewpoint
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by chessaol on 04/11/2009
  The story is about an Arab traveler. He is suspected because he is an arab. There seems to be no justice and the western viewpoint isn't accurate or sympathetic to his cause. The storyline has continuity. There is a convulted path through the story that ends in the same place. It is not transparent but idomatic. We feel sympathy for any traveler who faces extra attention from... The story is about an Arab traveler. He is suspected because he is an arab. There seems to be no justice and the western viewpoint isn't accurate or sympathetic to his cause.
  
  The storyline has continuity. There is a convulted path through the story that ends in the same place. It is not transparent but idomatic. We feel sympathy for any traveler who faces extra attention from security.
  
  The story is designed to make a statement about the perception of Americans about Arabs. The story is told in a way that generates sympathy for the Arab individual.
  
  Then he states a rediculous premis that Texans are shipping oil from Irac to texas and refilling oilwells. Thats just stupid. The premis falls apart from even cursory inspection. This destroys part of the credability the author is trying to build.
  
  The Arab viewpoint is radical and extremist. The Texas oil refill premis is about as radical as you can get. The story must play well in the Arab world but it doesn't stand up to the light of day.
  
  I wes impressed by the authors carefully crafted story that shares some of the Arab side of the story. The fact that there are many Arab Christians who were born Christian and have been Christian for generations; I didn't know this and the enlightenment helps me be more sympathetic to an Arab side of the story.
  
  Did I like the story? Yes.
  The story was very well written to display the Arab side of the issue. The example ot Texas oil was very poorly chosen though. If that part of the story was left out, this would be a genuine chance for the Arab viewpoint to be considered.
  
  The American side is that Arabs are extremist and dangerous.
  
  The story, if written without the extreme texas story, would get the Arab side a fresh outlook. With the extremist Texas story included most people will say "see I told you they are extremists". That leaves the Arab viewpoint overshadowed by the radical statement. Please rewrite this story without the junk.
  
  The author has taken great strides to advance the Arab viewpoint with this story, don't mar it with extremism. If you want to be seen as a reasonable voice in the Arab/American debate, then you must present a reasonable argument.
  
  I don't object to you telling the texas story but you need to Leave the extremism for another story. read
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  A Random, Computer-generated Search Led me to this story
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by Talmaos on 02/24/2009
  Great tone, I enjoy the character’s narrative style and diction. It flows naturally and sounds genuine, works well in establishing a solid character voice. Normally, when presented with a rambling, wandering sort of story I find I’m turned off, but the nature of the compelling voice of the narrator only served to draw me in farther. There doesn’t need to be a linear play-by-play... Great tone, I enjoy the character’s narrative style and diction. It flows naturally and sounds genuine, works well in establishing a solid character voice.
  
  Normally, when presented with a rambling, wandering sort of story I find I’m turned off, but the nature of the compelling voice of the narrator only served to draw me in farther. There doesn’t need to be a linear play-by-play story here, because the story isn’t the airport, the story is the narrator’s family, the conflict (in very broad terms and, as in the story, very specific terms as well) in the Middle East. It’s compelling and interesting.
  
  That’s not to say that the story doesn’t have its faults. Often, I find myself wondering just how poetic and emotionally driven Muntaser’s arguments are, because we don’t ever get to actually see one. We are just assured that they are, in fact, cogent, emotional and poetic. Case in point: “Muntaser’s inner dialog was on a rampage. Ideas, figures, numbers, rushing through his head at blistering speeds. The connections were clear to him. He did not stop.” It’s all well and good, but we can definitely see that his internal dialogue is emotionally charged beforehand, and then we have this little outside voice telling us that he’s on a roll. I would like to see an indication of it, because otherwise the character comes off as arrogant to some degree. It works in the context of the story, but I don’t think that was intended. Of course, I could be totally wrong.
  
  Muntaser’s opinions also come off a little strong. With nothing else – not even a stark description of the airport, or observations about the people walking around there – to ground us to the character but his monologue, there isn’t a lot of room for sympathy. You’ve shown he’s intelligent and thoughtful, if perhaps a bit naïve, but there is really nothing to ground him to our sympathies. A work like this should attempt to make a very outspoken character like Muntaser and humanize him, not make him a one-dimensional caricature – it would be hard to relate, in short, unless you already agreed with him.
  
  Then we hit the second half of the story, and it changes abruptly. I, for one, enjoyed the change and sort of wished it had come before. What’s really striking about it is the fact that, though the entire situation seems grossly absurd, I have heard stories, from Arab-Americans and from security officials and airport employees (as well as the ever-present news media), that this kind of thing happens all the time. The ignorance of it is striking.
  
  All in all, well done. I found that in the end, I did sympathize with him, even though I wished you would balance out the two halves of the story a little better. It weighs slightly too heavily on the first half, where Muntaser’s mind is wandering.
  
  Notes/observations
  - You mention the airport being ‘the purgatory of life’ twice in only a few short pages. I like the idea, but be careful of its overuse.
  
  - It could be confusing at times when you mix the spoken dialogue with Muntaser’s internal dialogue. Changing the internal to italics would help, but it’s entirely up to you. It made sense to me, mostly, but I can see how it could become complicated. read
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  This Ain't Fiction!
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by Point_and_shoot on 11/27/2008
  Martin Luther King once wrote about religion: ‘Any religion that professes to be concerned with the souls of men and is not concerned with….the social conditions that cripple them is a dry-as-dust religion.’ This tale – doesn’t strike me so much as fiction, only a real life hypothetical fable if that makes sense. Using a scenario that someone in a circle may have heard of... Martin Luther King once wrote about religion: ‘Any religion that professes to be concerned with the souls of men and is not concerned with….the social conditions that cripple them is a dry-as-dust religion.’
  
  
  This tale – doesn’t strike me so much as fiction, only a real life hypothetical fable if that makes sense. Using a scenario that someone in a circle may have heard of and asks another; ‘what would they do if it was them?’ It seems this is what the author through the mouthpiece of his lead character Muntaser is answering for himself; a likely possibility of what he would do given that situation. If that’s the case its fine by me.
  
  STORY:
  For me title is kind of rich in symbolism as it alludes to the thirst for the Promise Land, as stated in various religious beliefs and faiths that need not too much going into at present. But it lets me know where the author’s heart is, at least.
  
  But I must say having seen that the film ‘The Believer’ (with Ryan Gosling) was in this author’s fav films, I approached this tale with some expectations as to the lengths, and breaths it would delve into about the ambiguity a believer faces internally. The keyword for me is; ambiguity as I felt that is exactly what Ryan Goslings’ character is challenged with throughout the film. Whereas the character in this tale seems to know all what he is about, it is only ‘the outside world’ charged with anit-terrorism that is the problem. Now there is no such thing as sitting on the fence is there?
  
  SETTING
  I felt having the no-smoking signs in addition the the lead characters observations in this story is not enough to bring the message home. Since this tale is told through one character, bias as it will inevitably become maybe some real-life signs in the airport which illustrated the anti-terrorist hysteria e.g. ‘ no headwear here’ or something similar could further support the lead characters views, and speak for him.
  
  Not just real signs, but also real reactions, from real people happening real time and aside from the bias authorities he is eventually taken by. Hope my drift makes sense here.
  
  The cursive writing bit from Muntaser’s father worked as a nice and subtle technique to capture my imagination on the described violence.
  
  CHARACTER:
  
  Now the lead character Muntaser’s background is believable.
  But at times it seems that Muntaser is more caught up in describing why he is angry than reacting to the result the anger has caused in him, and what he is going to do about it. When he is eventually confronted though, I like that he in fact educates his inquisitors about his religion and theirs.
  
  However I found the delivery of his Arab cause as sincere as it was to be a little dry in its delivery (pages 7, 8).
  
  I don’t know if I say this because I have worked with people who carry the same views for years, or because it sounds more generic than personal. He made the Arab cause his cause, agreed, but where is his identity within the cause? I can make the African cause my cause, but there are certain things that Mugabe does, that I wouldn’t agree with, catch my drift?
  
  In all Muntaser seemed more of a liberal debater than activist. Similar in some respect to Gosling’s character in 'Believer' as far as articulating one’s opinion but not so in the path the opinions are leading.
  
  We have no sense where Muntaser is going with this, he even says so himself, that there is nothing to for his fellow students to fear from him. He espouses injustices, but in the face of his opposition he realises the futility of his debating words.
  
  As in the purgatory of life it seems our Muntaser merely floats throughout, and after the whole ordeal. It would be interesting if the tale/hypothetical situation/debate lead us readers in some sort of direction as to where Muntaser is going with the baggage of the cause, and effects on him it has. read
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  Airport Revelations
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by Nadlin on 01/08/2008
  This is my second read of this worthwhile short story. There is much that I like about this piece and I think this edited version works better. I hope the following notes will be of interest to the author. There is some fine prose here that showcases the talent of this writer. I continue to enjoy: -'environment where politics, debate, and death ruled all'. -'exquisite penmanship... This is my second read of this worthwhile short story. There is much that I like about this piece and I think this edited version works better.
  
  I hope the following notes will be of interest to the author.
  
  There is some fine prose here that showcases the talent of this writer. I continue to enjoy:
  -'environment where politics, debate, and death ruled all'.
  -'exquisite penmanship describing the evil of men'.
  The author really paints a picture with writing such as this.
  
  However on page 4 I still have a problem with the awkward sentence 'This assembly of improbable techniques...'.
  
  I think the writer does make many valid points, but I would caution on harping about Zionism as it is such a sore point with many people that it could distract from the reasonableness of the discourse.
  
  Now, he whats to be part of the 'cause', but what exactly is it? I think the piece would strengthen if this was gone into more.
  
  In 'equal disconcert and fear', 'disconcert is a verb so it is misplaced in the sentence, I believe.
  
  I do very much enjoy the revery about being in Palestine which gives the short its title. Good job on that front.
  
  He does still sound a bit paranoid to me with believing that Everybody fears him and even the chairs are in on it. I can see that this is written with a lot of passion for the subject, but when the case is overstated it distracts from the argument, I think.
  His discourse will then seem less rational which is a shame because the major points presented are valid.
  
  Good luck with this interesting piece. read
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  strong political tones
  A review of Olive Trees in the Airport
  by Velvet_Whispers on 12/24/2007
  If you look back on history, there were many misunderstandings, many things done wrong. For example, the truth about the Indians and the Massacre at Wounded Knee was buried for a long time before it surfaced. What we did to the Japanese here in America after the bombing of Pearl Harbor tried to be forgotten. Now, we watch every Arab passing by in fear, hoping that he does... If you look back on history, there were many misunderstandings, many things done wrong. For example, the truth about the Indians and the Massacre at Wounded Knee was buried for a long time before it surfaced. What we did to the Japanese here in America after the bombing of Pearl Harbor tried to be forgotten. Now, we watch every Arab passing by in fear, hoping that he does not turn around and attack us. So many misunderstandings, and yes, the media plays such a large role in that. What is the truth? Where is the truth?
  
  I personally would think that Arabs were our enemies, but then you watch movies such as the Three Kings and The Kingdom, and you see that not all of them are bad. You have to remember that not everyone is bad. You might have a selected group set on destroying us, but that does not dictate that their country is aligned with them. You just can't believe everything you hear or see. You need to use your mind and heart.
  
  You created a very powerful story here, one that could stir up controversy, and you deliver a strong point. Not every Arab is a villain. read