+ more submissions by Kevin228

Reviews of Rock Bottom 13

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  Reality Show Horrors
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by stefstrife on 10/04/2011
  Always read the contract before you sign. That's the lesson here, I think. If the Bradley's had only read through what they were agreeing to, then all of the horrible torment they endure could have easily been prevented. The characters were extremely naive, as Richard's wife even asked him to read it first and upon his declination she simply lets it slide. I found it strange... Always read the contract before you sign. That's the lesson here, I think. If the Bradley's had only read through what they were agreeing to, then all of the horrible torment they endure could have easily been prevented. The characters were extremely naive, as Richard's wife even asked him to read it first and upon his declination she simply lets it slide. I found it strange as well that they would so easily go along with the contract signing not even knowing what the reality show is about, let alone the name of it.
  
  The story progressed easily enough, but I often felt many scenes were too short and could have been flushed out a bit more to include fuller and richer details or insights into the characters' thoughts. The grammar could have used some work, and maybe some editing should have been involved. The use of question marks at the end of a character's inquiry (ex: "What was that" she asked?) I saw was used frequently and which does not make sense. There were several run-on sentences which could have been separated to form more complete dialogue and prose. I did like the protagonist's thought of calling night vision 'Paris green' in reference to the famous sex tape, though. That was a creative line.
  
  Overall, an interesting concept but could use a lot of work on character development, dialogue, and writing structure / grammar. read
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  Goethe's Faust, reality show style
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by ke.courier12 on 01/30/2011
  I assume this is a treatment for a movie idea. I like how it updates the Faust story. And I see it as a critique of people who venerate reality shows. Your supporting characters were really funny, like the "kid," the boss and the woman at the bar. Maybe other readers different about this, but I felt that the main characters were too reactive. They didn't seem to have a mind... I assume this is a treatment for a movie idea. I like how it updates the Faust story. And I see it as a critique of people who venerate reality shows.
  
  Your supporting characters were really funny, like the "kid," the boss and the woman at the bar.
  
  Maybe other readers different about this, but I felt that the main characters were too reactive. They didn't seem to have a mind of their own.
  
  Hope this note helps. read
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  Nghtmare TV
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by mnjones on 11/27/2010
  The idea of two people, husband and wife, audtioning for a reality TV show is intriguing and has the potential for being developed into an comedic horror story. However, in my opinion, the writer has a lot of work left for this to be enjoyable. As written, the characters are without wit or charm, and the situations they find thenselves are silly instead of humorous. There... The idea of two people, husband and wife, audtioning for a reality TV show is intriguing and has the potential for being developed into an comedic horror story. However, in my opinion, the writer has a lot of work left for this to be enjoyable. As written, the characters are without wit or charm, and the situations they find thenselves are silly instead of humorous. There is a problem with tenses being inconsistent. Some sentences are unclear because of wrong usage or omitted punctuation.
  
  I wondered why the narrator thinks J & J Talent Agencies sounds like a law frim; and I didn't know Chrysler makes Chevrolets. read
• 
  Good Creepy Read
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by dunphoid on 05/19/2010
  I enjoyed this. It was very creepy. I felt claustrophobic thanks to the literally in-your-face approach from the cameramen. I think you could go further with these cameramen. How about a camera lens attack somewhere in the story - literally having camera lenses battering someone to death (the wife prior to losing her eyes?). I'm thinking of that old chiller from the sixties...
  I enjoyed this. It was very creepy. I felt claustrophobic thanks to the literally in-your-face approach from the cameramen. I think you could go further with these cameramen. How about a camera lens attack somewhere in the story - literally having camera lenses battering someone to death (the wife prior to losing her eyes?). I'm thinking of that old chiller from the sixties (British I think) where you see killing from the point of view of the camera man - can't remember the title sorry.
  
  Overall your dialogue was good. I suggest changes to the following though:
  
  “Well sir my wife and I work hard. We have never done anything except abide by the rules given to us by society..." etc
  
  This was much too stilted to make me feel like I could identify with this guy. Over the course of the story I did identify with him, but right here I think he could sound much more natural...perhaps bumbling.
  
  “Can this day get any stranger,” Richard questions himself?
  
  This is a bit on-the-nose for me. I would suggest you cut it out since we've already aware of how strange things are without needing it spelt out.
  
  “You have taken everything from me. I have nothing left,”
  
  Again, I'd cut this out. We've seen the dead wife, so having Richard state the obvious is overkill for me.
  
  “No one would watch this sick disgusting show,”
  
  In the circumstances, perhaps he'd not be of the mindset to have an opinion about the show. I'd be more like "Sick bastards! Graaagh!" and charging at the suit to smash his face in! :o)
  
  Having the people disappear in a ball of fire didn't do it for me. I'd prefer to see them quietly pack up their gear and leave. Perhaps a neighbour could arrive and scream. A 'realistic' ending is more startling and chilling for me personally.
  
  Cool story. Very Twilight Zone. The HIV bit was so outrageous (was it intended to be black humour) that I chuckled.
  
  The forty year old man as the kid was a bit unbelievable. He is very creepy but I'd prefer to see a real kid in that role, just for the sake of keeping things a bit believable.
  
  Well done. As a horror fan I lapped your story up. read
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  my eyes!
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by philbklyn on 11/16/2009
  This story is somewhat confusing at times. It jumps from past tense to present tense at random. It sounds like suits are animated (I know it means men in suits, but it doesn't read well) The reality show in their house was good. The scene in the bar was great. The ending came out of nowhere and didn't seem to fit the rest of the story which was a comedy. This story had... This story is somewhat confusing at times. It jumps from past tense to present tense at random. It sounds like suits are animated (I know it means men in suits, but it doesn't read well) The reality show in their house was good. The scene in the bar was great. The ending came out of nowhere and didn't seem to fit the rest of the story which was a comedy. This story had a good concept and some funny jokes, but the writing needs a lot of work. read
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  Devil TV
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by Leemanchee on 06/26/2009
  Interesting, but lacking something. CONCEPT: Great idea, the devils own reality show. I think you could have exploited this so much more. CHARACTERS: They were fairly 2d for me. They lacked any real depth. Which should not have been the case as it was a reality show, we should be exposed to all there personal traits. In fact these should be the most detailed people in written... Interesting, but lacking something.
  
  CONCEPT: Great idea, the devils own reality show. I think you could have exploited this so much more.
  
  CHARACTERS: They were fairly 2d for me. They lacked any real depth. Which should not have been the case as it was a reality show, we should be exposed to all there personal traits. In fact these should be the most detailed people in written form. ha ha
  
  DIALOGUE: Witty, I laughed a few times. I think it needs to be expanded and worked on, but it aided the story enough.
  
  STORY: Ran reasonably smooth, until the end, upon which it just happened so fast. We had a beginning , albeit a short one. A middle pretty full on, and a brief and abrupt end. Would like more, make it funny with a twist - like the Truman Show.
  
  STRUCTURE: Good, nicely balanced and smooth.
  
  OVERALL: Lots of potential. I want more.
  
  Well done, thanks for sharing. read
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  Ultimate reality show
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by chessaol on 03/03/2009
  The story is about a couple that signs up to do a reality show. Then the strange stuff begins. . The storyline is continuous with no lapses or pauses. The Plot thickens with each moment and the story is just too short. The terror is very short lived and not so terrifying as annoying and disgusting. Both elements are present, terror only makes a short stop by. The plot... The story is about a couple that signs up to do a reality show. Then the strange stuff begins. .
  
  The storyline is continuous with no lapses or pauses. The Plot thickens with each moment and the story is just too short.
  
  The terror is very short lived and not so terrifying as annoying and disgusting. Both elements are present, terror only makes a short stop by.
  
  The plot elements were not well thought out. Writing is as much about what is being said as the way it is being said.
  
  The man and his wife are on constant camera. The wife gets fed guts and that causes her to leave the reality show??
  
  The husband is on constant camera and goes to a bar with the cameraman. There he meets a girl who takes him into the bathroom to screw, We are on constant camera, remember. He gets all the social diseases including HIV and treats it as if he is having a bad hair day???
  
  Then he goes home to his wife who is dead in bed.
  
  The entire plot is treated more as a "leave it to Beaver" episode than to Steven King. The elements just don't work very well.
  read
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  Rock Bottom is Correct
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by Bmaddox on 02/10/2009
  You need to take more care when you proofread. In your first paragraph, you write: “J&J Talent Agencies sounds more like a law firm...” Huh? It sounds like a talent agency. Talent is in the name. Which YOU gave it. I don’t understand an error like that. If you want to give a talent agency a name which sounds like a law firm, why not just google law firms for ideas? This is... You need to take more care when you proofread. In your first paragraph, you write: “J&J Talent Agencies sounds more like a law firm...”
  
  Huh? It sounds like a talent agency. Talent is in the name. Which YOU gave it.
  
  I don’t understand an error like that. If you want to give a talent agency a name which sounds like a law firm, why not just google law firms for ideas? This is just laziness, or else you don’t fully understand what you are writing.
  
  There were spelling errors, tense changes, and puncuation errors. A lot.
  
  The idea itself is an interesting one: What if the Devil produced a reality show, and the contestants' souls were on the line.
  
  But the writing was very poor. The characters were not developed, the scenario was not realisticly described, even within the fantastical concept, and basically it was boring.
  
  An idea this good should not be boring.
  
  Overall: Good idea poorly executed. read
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  Everybody wants to be a star
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by weeman70 on 11/26/2008
  In intresting take on the reality Tv phenomenon, this had a high quota of black humour, which made me chuckle in parts. I did feel that the story jumped a little quickly at times from one scene to another, I could have done with a little more pre-amble, and maybe a look into the mundane existance of the characters before the show. What made them want to be on TV? Why was the... In intresting take on the reality Tv phenomenon, this had a high quota of black humour, which made me chuckle in parts.
  I did feel that the story jumped a little quickly at times from one scene to another, I could have done with a little more pre-amble, and maybe a look into the mundane existance of the characters before the show.
  What made them want to be on TV?
  Why was the wife so distant at the interview?
  Just a couple of nitpicking points, which for me would have made it a more rounded story.
  I would also have licked the end of the story to have slowed down a little, it came to a conclusion a bit too quickly. Maybe more of a "Oh my God, what have I done?" kinda moment.
  
  All in all I liked the story and with a little bit of work it could be really funny and ironic read
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  Interesting Idea
  A review of Rock Bottom
  by Andy_s on 09/19/2008
  Reality TV is a subject that can be explored in a lot of ways. They are, as of late, trending towards having people argue it out and allow people to pick the person who they like the most (see, Big Brother). Even grammatical errors aside, this story is largely structureless and lacks any real character development, reason, or decent dialogue. None of it really makes any sense... Reality TV is a subject that can be explored in a lot of ways. They are, as of late, trending towards having people argue it out and allow people to pick the person who they like the most (see, Big Brother). Even grammatical errors aside, this story is largely structureless and lacks any real character development, reason, or decent dialogue. None of it really makes any sense at all. The couple seems dull and uninteresting, as well as fairly stupid. Is this your point to reality TV? That TV companies can make dull people interesting? Is there a larger conclusion that we're supposed to draw from this, other than "careful what you wish for"?
  
  The concept is a good idea. Other than that, the story takes a deep nosedive in all other areas I'm afraid. Have some descriptive dialogue, some jokes, some character development and maybe some reason and you might have something. If you aren't prepared for a complete reworking of the story, I suggest you leave it in it's place. read