+ more submissions by wheelema

Reviews of Suicide by Cop 17

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  Reality raw painful and full of power.
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 02/07/2013
  This story is told with commitment and passion reminiscent of Orwell's "Down And Out In Paris And London" and his collection of essays "How The Poor Die" and with the American directness of the "gonzo" writers like Lester Bangs. The writer pulls back and allows the voices of the homeless take control of the story. It works well giving the story an authentic feel. It is hard... This story is told with commitment and passion reminiscent of Orwell's "Down And Out In Paris And London" and his collection of essays "How The Poor Die" and with the American directness of the "gonzo" writers like Lester Bangs.
  The writer pulls back and allows the voices of the homeless take control of the story. It works well giving the story an authentic feel. It is hard and uncompromising and unashamedly full of message. It is a very good and powerful piece of life writing.
  I think that there is more room for the writers voice in the piece giving some descriptive background of the setting. Whilst I am a city dweller and know my environment but my knowledge of North American cities is from Hollywood or HBS. In saying this I would not like that to detract from the direct voices of the homeless and the story that is told. read
• 
  Of no abode
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by f-ceska on 11/02/2012
  This is a powerful – anthology, almost – polemic, perhaps? – of homelessness. I like what you’ve done here, bringing the voices of different people and stitching it all together into an overview, a single voice. It confused me a little at first, because I couldn’t identify the narrator. Was it a he, or a she, but after reading again your intro, I understand that it is actually... This is a powerful – anthology, almost – polemic, perhaps? – of homelessness. I like what you’ve done here, bringing the voices of different people and stitching it all together into an overview, a single voice. It confused me a little at first, because I couldn’t identify the narrator. Was it a he, or a she, but after reading again your intro, I understand that it is actually neither / both / all of them.
  
  You successfully bring focus to a serious issue that we are all guilty of trying to ignore from time to time. The anger in the tone mixes effectively with resignation and despair. The story emerges from the ending – a toy gun and a real life incident. It’s all very strong and hammers home the point that living without a home is far, far more of a struggle than those of us with a home ever want to admit. It reached me, so I consider it a success. Well done.
  
  Observations:
  p.2 your’s = yours
  p.3 is worst than = worse read
• 
  And another one bites the dust...
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by TeaSeaInc on 04/25/2012
  Really though - I am speechless. You're writing is one of a kind and this story nearly brought me to tears. Your writing style is similar to when someone has been writing for a long enough set of time that their writing is a stream-of-conscious spill - I think is the best writing. Writing until you aren't thinking just typing and it streams from you like a damn waiting to... Really though - I am speechless.
  
  You're writing is one of a kind and this story nearly brought me to tears. Your writing style is similar to when someone has been writing for a long enough set of time that their writing is a stream-of-conscious spill - I think is the best writing. Writing until you aren't thinking just typing and it streams from you like a damn waiting to break loose and when you've stepped away and read it a day later - you see it is the best writing you've ever done.
  
  That's what this is. Do you remember that hype over 'A Million Little Pieces' by James Fray? Despite the conspiracy, it is one of my favorite books because of his voice. Abrupt, short sentences. Beginning sentences with conjunctions because you CAN and because it sounds GOOD. Breaking all the rules in writing. That's the best writing.
  
  I love it. Please continue to write. read
• 
  Interesting, But Needs More Backstory
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by karlasbryant on 01/28/2011
  I really appreciated the candid, raw style of writing--just how I'd imagine the protagonist talking. This was an excellent portrait of what the world of the homeless is like. The details, the thought process, the reduced state of being were all sharply understood. What I felt was missing, however, was some more backstory about the protagonist. You mention his family photos---what... I really appreciated the candid, raw style of writing--just how I'd imagine the protagonist talking.
  
  This was an excellent portrait of what the world of the homeless is like. The details, the thought process, the reduced state of being were all sharply understood.
  
  What I felt was missing, however, was some more backstory about the protagonist. You mention his family photos---what was his family like? What was his wife like? Did they know about his current situation? What chain of events happened in this person's life that brought them to this level of existence?
  
  With even a paragraph of backstory, this could be a much richer short story. read
• 
  LOST SOULS
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by gclifton on 04/27/2010
  This is not so much a short story, but rather a well thought out position paper on the plight of many homeless who glut the bridges of modern cities -- at least in the U.S. I recently received a mini-sermon from a South African immigrant, only a few weeks in the U.S., to the effect that "with all the food in the U.S., it's criminal that anyone is homeless." Food is only indirectly... This is not so much a short story, but rather a well thought out position paper on the plight of many homeless who glut the bridges of modern cities -- at least in the U.S.
  
  I recently received a mini-sermon from a South African immigrant, only a few weeks in the U.S., to the effect that "with all the food in the U.S., it's criminal that anyone is homeless." Food is only indirectly related.
  
  You are spot on. Many homeless wandering the alleys are, in fact, emotionally ill, while many others are destroyed by drugs. Many are crippled by a combination of the two. But, there are some there for no easily described reason -- I believe a minority. Statistics are few and of questionable reliability.
  
  So called Homeless Shelters -- at least in the Dallas area -- are ususally full with semi-permanent occupants, often with children. Some tend to show up only on very cold nights. while
  many stay beneath the bridges no matter what the hell -- it's warmer here usually. The shelters don't ressurrect many, percentage-wise, but a remarkable number (usually women) land right side up with help of those shelters.
  
  The boy who ranked third or fourth in my high school class(in the ancient day of l957)was a wandering wino (alcoholism) until he was killed by a city bus in Wisconsin. Family swam an ocean of shit trying to save him but no chance.
  
  Your story is good. Have you tried publishing this sort of thing in the right professional publication? Don't know where. Good job, well expressed, with empathy.
  read
• 
  Falling Down
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by Boxgoblin3487 on 03/23/2010
  You have a really strong sense of voice. Usually stories like this are boring since they don't have any real protagonist, but your characters and their voices, and the ugly details of their lives really drew me into this piece. It was a fascinating read. The ending reminded me a lot of the movie Falling Down with Micheal Douglas. The story could probably benefit from more... You have a really strong sense of voice. Usually stories like this are boring since they don't have any real protagonist, but your characters and their voices, and the ugly details of their lives really drew me into this piece. It was a fascinating read.
  
  The ending reminded me a lot of the movie Falling Down with Micheal Douglas.
  
  The story could probably benefit from more detail, though. Expand on these different stories a little, give us some more on their lives before and after being homeless. Show us some more of their daily lives.
  
  I liked how it was a quick read, but you could add on at least a few more pages and it wouldn't lose its terrifying momentum. You just need to flesh out each of these character a little more.
  
  Once again, I really enjoyed the story. Sorry if my review is a little sparse.
  
  read
• 
  Homelessness, addiction, mental illness and the killing life on the streets.
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by bigheadx on 10/22/2009
  A story told from the perspective of a man laid off from his job, living on the street, and crippled by mental illness. In some ways your story reminded this reader of early "noir" works by the likes of Sam Fuller or Spillane or more modern writers like Mosley and Crais. Written in the first person, rage and resentment permeate every line on every page, but there is not a... A story told from the perspective of a man laid off from his job, living on the street, and crippled by mental illness. In some ways your story reminded this reader of early "noir" works by the likes of Sam Fuller or Spillane or more modern writers like Mosley and Crais. Written in the first person, rage and resentment permeate every line on every page, but there is not a maudlin sense of self-pity or even regret: this is the way my life is and this is how it was meant to be. I'm a cork on the ocean, a leaf in the window, a piece of trash sluicing down a gutter into a sewer drain. Tough to read because you see this life every day on the street as you drive to work or the store to school. That is, if you are lucky enough to have a job or money to buy food or go to school.
  
  According to the author, this was inspired by the true story of a homeless man who confronted police with a fake gun with the express purpose of ending his own life. Obviously, the anger and despair of the narrator are destined to lead to this story's conclusion. Gritty stuff, colorfully written.
  
  Good luck!
  
  ======================
  Typos/Word Choice/Grammar [ NP=new paragraph suggested ]
  
  We all go through our lives inside of our own skin.. - We all go through our lives in our own skin..
  
  You'll see pictures of starving kids in Africa... - NP
  
  We sure aren't going to interrupt our fishing trip... - NP
  
  You don't know me of course, and if you finish this you still won't know me. - You don't know me, of course, and, if you finish this, you still won't know me.
  
  ... he had enough money to pay off his mortgage for God's sake. - ... he had enough money to pay off his mortgage, for God's sake.
  
  Proctor and Gamble - Proctor & Gamble
  
  ... pension that you could actually live off of. - ... pension that you could actually live on.
  
  I kind of peg it at that point personally. - nice!
  
  Looking back I understand that I had been suffering... - Looking back, I understand that I had been suffering...
  
  ... I mean 45 years old no place to go... - ...I mean, 45-years-old, no place to go...
  
  ... the word 'problems' anymore you understand... - ... the word 'problems' anymore, you understand...
  
  First... and this is assuming... - NP
  
  Regrettably however, you're not invisible to everyone... - NP
  
  Get out of here Frank! - Get out of here, Frank! read
• 
  So Sad and True
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by PeacefullySubjected on 04/10/2009
  I think it’s commendable that you wrote this story at all, let alone giving it justice the way you did. This was remarkably good. The tone of the story was fitting for the content - it was full of emotion and understanding of the grim situation these people face every day. I researched and wrote an article on how alcoholism and drug abuse effect the homeless population... I think it’s commendable that you wrote this story at all, let alone giving it justice the way you did. This was remarkably good. The tone of the story was fitting for the content - it was full of emotion and understanding of the grim situation these people face every day.
  
  I researched and wrote an article on how alcoholism and drug abuse effect the homeless population in Riverside County about 5 years ago and I think you captured it perfectly. The hopelessness, mental illness, and despair that result is usually catastrophic. While a lucky few are able to climb their way out due to assistance programs, there just isn’t enough help out there and most stories end in tragedy.
  
  Right now, the way our economy is suffering and with the level of unemployment steadily on the rise, this is a story fitting for our times. Soon we’re going to find the level of homeless on our streets has doubled or tripled as well. I hope you find a platform for this story – maybe try to get it published in a journal or magazine. It’s very good.
  
  Aside from the content it was technically well written with a clear voice. The only issue I had was the flip flop from mental illness to drugs. Because you’re not sure which problem this guy had, you don’t commit to either one. I would go back and stick with one or the other. Mental illness is probably harder because you wouldn’t be able to really pinpoint his issue and if he were really telling the story, it probably wouldn’t be as clear.
  
  Overall though, this was a powerful piece. I was chilled to the core when I got to the end. Very well done. read
• 
  Terrible Way to Die
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by mnjones on 02/13/2009
  This is a powerful, insightful piece, vividly told, describing the harrowing method some of the homeless wretchs, on the unforgiving streets in cities across America, choose to escape the dreadful circumstances of their dreary, daily lives. I became momentarily disoriented when the narration switched voices from "you" to "I," but the writing is fast-paced, the vocabulary appropriate... This is a powerful, insightful piece, vividly told, describing the harrowing method some of the homeless wretchs, on the unforgiving streets in cities across America, choose to escape the dreadful circumstances of their dreary, daily lives. I became momentarily disoriented when the narration switched voices from "you" to "I," but the writing is fast-paced, the vocabulary appropriate to the material, some punctuation issues, some questionable sentence construction, and paragraphs not indented, but nothing which lessens the chilling impact of this strong effort. read
• 
  No Cop Out
  A review of Suicide by Cop
  by badgebarman on 12/18/2008
  I've just had to give a bad review to another writer, which always upsets me, but if you are going to write; you have too be truthful. Nothing else should matter to a writer. Truth is everything. So to read a story like this that is obviously driven by anger and a sense of justice, restores my faith in what writing should be about. The story both dismayed me and angered me,... I've just had to give a bad review to another writer, which always upsets me, but if you are going to write; you have too be truthful. Nothing else should matter to a writer. Truth is everything.
  
  So to read a story like this that is obviously driven by anger and a sense of justice, restores my faith in what writing should be about.
  
  The story both dismayed me and angered me, to put your finger on the real reason for homelessness and despair was done just beautifully.
  
  Your line about the 'Caring' corporations was so evidently truthful, I loved this bleakness and all.
  
  Well done. read