Reviews of Sweet Willie 15

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  Sweet Willie - Review
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by covofdark on 01/06/2012
  Hey there, To begin with, I'll just tell you flat out, I got a real kick out of this story!!! It reminded me of my misspent youth going up in New York city in the 70s and 80s, except for some of the lingo has since changed. The setting for this story takes place in the 40s. Ooch... you also reminded me of the many times I was on the receiving end of an extension cord getting... Hey there,
  
  To begin with, I'll just tell you flat out, I got a real kick out of this story!!! It reminded me of my misspent youth going up in New York city in the 70s and 80s, except for some of the lingo has since changed. The setting for this story takes place in the 40s. Ooch... you also reminded me of the many times I was on the receiving end of an extension cord getting whipped for cutting school practically every other day. Elementary and junior high is a blur for me.
  
  I like to listen to the stories I read. I tend to cut and pasted them into Movie Magic and use the read out-loud feature. It helps me create a mental picture. A habit I picked-up years ago when I drove trucks long distance and listened to books on audio.
  
  1. Love the title. Sweet Willie. To bad with what happens to Sweet Willie. Although, he was a character of low scruples and had multiple run-ins with the law, I couldn't help but to like him anyway and it seemed to me that the others did too to some extent in the story.
  
  2. Good Concept. I liked the drama of the story but I also found it quite amusing, especially the description of Sweet Willie having sex with his pants handcuffed to his ankles and his bony ass whipping up and down in the air. I thought this was great writing.
  
  3. Your characters were well-portrayed. The descriptions of Sweet Willie, as well as, the other characters thoughts and their actions were a joy to read.
  
  4. Pacing is quick, which is always a plus with me.
  
  5. Structure is very good and I have nothing real to point out I feel I can help you with.
  
  Overall, a very enjoyable short story that entertained and tickled my funny bone at the same time. All my best and good luck! read
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  The Golden Years...
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by f-ceska on 09/05/2011
  Concept: I liked the idea of a couple of old guys looking back at the life of one of their mates: his triumphs, his failings, his lies, his weaknesses. Story and structure: Very well written. It was mostly dialogue, revealing smaller anecdotal events in a guy’s life, as told by two other characters. I thought the end was a little abrupt, and would at least have liked it if... Concept: I liked the idea of a couple of old guys looking back at the life of one of their mates: his triumphs, his failings, his lies, his weaknesses.
  
  Story and structure: Very well written. It was mostly dialogue, revealing smaller anecdotal events in a guy’s life, as told by two other characters. I thought the end was a little abrupt, and would at least have liked it if you’d used the words ‘The End’ to let us know it had finished, as I was expecting more. I can see why you ended it like that, but I just felt it needed perhaps a little more rounding.
  
  Dialogue: Excellent – you have an almost uncanny way of capturing voices, and each speaker is totally believable. The banter captures the characters, their thoughts and feelings.
  
  Overall: a great story, well written, with fantastic dialogue. You could probably develop this into a screenplay too!
  
  Good luck! read
• 
  Nostalgia
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by MaxWatt on 06/17/2011
  This is an interesting story about the death of an old friend of two people. Though really, it's more about the two people and the relationship they share with Willie. I like it. What i find especially interesting is how Sharkey has such a cynical, contemptuous view of Willie, while Mac has more empathy for him. It is effective in showing a range of emotional attachments to... This is an interesting story about the death of an old friend of two people. Though really, it's more about the two people and the relationship they share with Willie. I like it. What i find especially interesting is how Sharkey has such a cynical, contemptuous view of Willie, while Mac has more empathy for him. It is effective in showing a range of emotional attachments to the character.
  
  Being overly analytical of everything I read, I struggled to find a message in the story. I could guess that it's about people and their relationships/history, but I'm also thinking that it's about war...the former feels closer to home to me, but I would need to see it integrated a little more.
  
  A few things I noticed:
  
  "As I recall," - The lexis here doesn't fit the colloquial voice.
  
  Why is "Japs" is in caps?
  
  "it was offered you didn't turn it down" - awkward colloquial voice.
  
  "in that suit he looked like what he was, a goddamn yellow, lying prick" - no need for comma after "was".
  
  "Art he Barber" - "Art the Barber"
  
  "Mac, thought, Hard-headed dummy still smokes,." - Mac thought, Hard-headed dummy still smokes."
  
  "The name stuck" - unnecessary sentence.
  
  “Drop dead, asshole” - Full stop missing.
  
  “We all are, pal, over a thousand a day. - “We all are, pal, over a thousand a day."
  
  All in all, very good. I just think it needs a stronger display of it's concept. read
• 
  Sweet Willie
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by GreatJJ on 01/07/2011
  A very enjoyable read. The story was written in a way that got me right into the scenes and had me next to all the characters. You fleshed out the characters in a way that was not too much and not to little but just enough. This must come from a lot of previous practice. It's always a delight to me to read profession work, not having to trip over bumps in the story but smoothly... A very enjoyable read. The story was written in a way that got me right into the scenes and had me next to all the characters. You fleshed out the characters in a way that was not too much and not to little but just enough. This must come from a lot of previous practice. It's always a delight to me to read profession work, not having to trip over bumps in the story but smoothly reading through. Thanks for the well written story.
  
  Jim read
• 
  Nice slice of life piece.
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by Anthony Fiore on 11/20/2010
  I enjoyed this story. As a man who was raised by blue collar people from the 'Great Generation'. I can attest to the realism of the way these fellahs, spoke to each other in the story. The story served as a good stage to explore many issues, aging, death, mortality, war, class, gender, and life in general. There were a few grammar, technical issues, but, none that could not... I enjoyed this story. As a man who was raised by blue collar people from the 'Great Generation'. I can attest to the realism of the way these fellahs, spoke to each other in the story.
  The story served as a good stage to explore many issues, aging, death, mortality, war, class, gender, and life in general.
  There were a few grammar, technical issues, but, none that could not be fixed with a re-write.
  All in all an enjoyable piece that had me nostalgic for all the people I knew from that era, none of whom are alive now.
  Unfortunatly, this 'period piece' story may be lost on the current generation of 20-30 somethings. They are not going to get it. UNLESS, you do some back story explaining. Perhaps, even some history lessons as part of the text? In the end all of the advice on here are totally subjective opinions. Mine included.
  
  Good Work, & Thanks for sharing your story,
  
  Tony Fiore read
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  A Sweet Willie, on ice
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by Cenydd Ros on 11/20/2010
  Don’t mean to be a bore, but the purpose of this forum is to offer creative suggestions – so here it is, forgive me if I sound cold hearted. Begins with what I would call a run-on sentences. I would suggest some restructuring here. A couple of other sentences have this same problem. Many, actually. Overall, the narrative is kind of slim, and where it occurs it has some structural... Don’t mean to be a bore, but the purpose of this forum is to offer creative suggestions – so here it is, forgive me if I sound cold hearted.
  
  Begins with what I would call a run-on sentences. I would suggest some restructuring here. A couple of other sentences have this same problem. Many, actually. Overall, the narrative is kind of slim, and where it occurs it has some structural issues. I would suggest shorter sentences. Just break them up and restructure them. Much more effort needs to be addressed with the narrative aspects of this piece.
  
  A lot of dialogue is without notation as to whom is speaking. Where dialogue is concerned it kind of reads more like an excerpt from a play, rather than a short story. I often write dialogue and then go back to it to dress it into the narrative. You might want to think about this.
  
  I must admit, after reading this piece I was left with the sensation of wondering what it was I just read. I more or less simply got lost. I realize it is a story of friends reminiscing about Sweet Willie, but for a piece this sort, it sure is all over the place. I feel it needs more focus and even something more of a linear approach. You might want to spend more time developing one or two stories about Willie, rather than giving so many flashes out of his past.
  
  I liked the last line. Funny.
  
  All the best, and good luck with your writing. I am no expert, and would never claim to be – and tastes vary. I just want to try and give you what little advice I can to help you develop you style. read
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  The good old days?
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by djburke on 10/05/2010
  I liked the grittiness of this piece, it has a rough edge and you can feel the bitterness of Sharkey towards his old friend. Sharkey clearly resents sweet Willie, I suspect he is jealous of him. I think it would be better if there was a bit more of an intro to the characters since I only realised these were WWII vets when they started talking about Rommel. I felt this piece...
  I liked the grittiness of this piece, it has a rough edge and you can feel the bitterness of Sharkey towards his old friend. Sharkey clearly resents sweet Willie, I suspect he is jealous of him. I think it would be better if there was a bit more of an intro to the characters since I only realised these were WWII vets when they started talking about Rommel. I felt this piece was not really a story, just a snapshot of a bigger story. Life has moved on for Willie and Mac but Sharkey is still stuck in the old days and cannot let it go. The bitterness in Sharkey felt very real. This was a somewhat awkward read, I had to read it twice before I really got what was going on. Ex Soldiers talking about the "good old days" has lots of potential for a good story. read
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  I'd Prefer A Tweak To Present Day Conversation Setting
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by dunphoid on 10/04/2010
  Well the first thing that struck me about this story is how it taps into how I only ever see certain friends or family at funerals. It's weird, but it is often a small positive to take from a sad occasion. A phonecall is certainly a realistic way for these two men to get back in touch. However, the fact that this conversation is happening by phone hung over the story for me... Well the first thing that struck me about this story is how it taps into how I only ever see certain friends or family at funerals. It's weird, but it is often a small positive to take from a sad occasion.
  
  A phonecall is certainly a realistic way for these two men to get back in touch. However, the fact that this conversation is happening by phone hung over the story for me like a cloud. It's as if, by the guys not taking the time of day to meet each other face to face to discuss their wartime stories, their conversation seems a bit devalued and the knock-on effect is me thinking "why should I bother divesting my heart and soul if these two guys won't meet physically face to face?". Obviously, this is just my cranky personal preference. As it stands, it is a definitely realistic exchange. However, I think the story could soar further if they decided to meet face to face in a bar or a cafe, where you could demonstrate their individual ailments in what kind of food they eat, or how they walk, or any scars or ticks they might have. Many pensioners I see will go into a bar with a friend but they only drink a small glass of beer and will refuse a full pint if they are offered. Ultimately, I think that interjecting the flashbacks with some present day action, however small, will just keep things driving a bit better for me.
  
  An alternative suggestion could be to have Sharkey and Mac actually have their conversation at Sweet Willie's funeral. I don't know, I just would like a much more active, appealing, present day context i which the conversation occurs, as opposed to a cold phonecall. Admittedly, you introduce warmth and love with Emma's arrival, but until then it all feels a bit too cold for me.
  
  I love how the story drifts back into the past. In my mind there were echoes of "Once Upon A Time In America." Some beautiful wartime imagery and accounts of raging hormones of young men. All great. read
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  HARSH WORDS...
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by yaja on 10/03/2010
  I wasn't sure with this story at first... Initially, I didn't bond with any of the characters, even Willie who had been treated very badly by his father. But then it occurred to me - this was the way people 'ticked' in this period. Men were seen as heroes if they fought, cowards if they failed to 'deliver' in every aspect of life. I thought the attitudes of Mac & Sharkey... I wasn't sure with this story at first...
  Initially, I didn't bond with any of the characters, even Willie who had been treated very badly by his father.
  
  But then it occurred to me - this was the way people 'ticked' in this period.
  Men were seen as heroes if they fought, cowards if they failed to 'deliver' in every aspect of life.
  
  I thought the attitudes of Mac & Sharkey were very antagonistic and coarse. But in the last paragraph, when Emma comes home and comments that Sharkey calls too often when actually he doesen't, it struck me with a stark awareness that yes....even the women of that era were as unfeeling in some of their opinions of people as their menfolk.
  
  This may seem like a harsh view of the story but it's not.
  The writer has once again caught the atmosphere very well, so well in fact, that I actually grimaced as I read the story.
  War can often create false bravado in men & an icy vacuousness in women; both traits making each gender a casualty of war in themselves, which is what I felt, this story highlighted for me anyway. read
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  Who Was Willie - - - Really?
  A review of Sweet Willie
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/29/2010
  I have mixed feelings about this story. I like it as is and I wish it could have taken a slightly different turn. That's because it was so good I wanted more. It's a very well done piece with just a couple of guys reminiscing about a friend. You paint a good picture of the three men, from childhood until it's down to two of them on the phone reminiscing about the recently... I have mixed feelings about this story. I like it as is and I wish it could have taken a slightly different turn. That's because it was so good I wanted more.
  
  It's a very well done piece with just a couple of guys reminiscing about a friend. You paint a good picture of the three men, from childhood until it's down to two of them on the phone reminiscing about the recently deceased Willie.
  
  I thought you did a very nice job of telling their story by weaving back and forth from the days of their youth to their time in the service. While Sharkey was mad because of the lies, you slowly brought out how the lies were told to cover up the life he lived and the beating he had suffered. I also liked that you didn't explain Willie's actions or lies, you let the reader figure it out. You also let the reader decide if his lies were justified or not.
  
  On the other side, I was left wanting a little more. Did Sharkey let Willie's image stay with those who believed it? Was Mack about to die leaving the legend of Sweet Willie to Sharkey? That would have put Sharkey in quite a dilemma.
  
  It was a nice touch slipping in how he married, had a son and kind of turned his life around. That makes revealing his lies even harder.
  
  This was a nice little slice of life. A couple of friends, looking back on their life, the way it was, the way parts of it was perceived and how it was ending.
  
  You presented a couple of good questions, what's real and what do we want to believe and what do people do to survive the life they've been given? read