Reviews of The Beasts and the Stalk 13

• 
  Hauntingly Vivid Imagery!
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/05/2012
  Yikes! That story reaffirms my dislike of camping! :). Your concept was very well thought out in every detail. I really appreciated your use of words in forming a descriptive picture for the reader: "covered in thick stringy acrid saliva …" Nice! You provided good descriptive details that really pushed the action of the story and engaged the reader. I really felt the... Yikes! That story reaffirms my dislike of camping! :). Your concept was very well thought out in every detail. I really appreciated your use of words in forming a descriptive picture for the reader: "covered in thick stringy acrid saliva …" Nice!
  
  You provided good descriptive details that really pushed the action of the story and engaged the reader. I really felt the main characters 'flight or fight' mentality as he rushes to save himself from doom. At a few points in the story, I had wondered if a couple short snippets of dialogue would've helped lighten the heaviness in the paragraphs. Perhaps they might be useful in supporting the action a bit and bring the reader deeper into the terror on a personal level. Just an idea.
  
  Some words were out of place through out the story. Someone suggested, to me, that there was a function on PDF where the computer can read the story back to you. I've found this useful as I often have a few words out of place and/or missing all together! :). Perhaps this might me helpful for you.
  
  You have a strong writing style that really lends itself to these types of action stories. Nice job! Thanks for sharing! read
• 
  TRAPPED
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by Tripsheet Revision on 12/08/2011
  This is compelling, I think. The pace is relentless, the pounding of the heart. The images are primal, and the guy’s thoughts are well thought out as they progress from excited, but calm, to a man facing what amounts to the end of his life. I like it that you put him in an impossible situation right away; that gives the reader time to have false hopes. And then we feel... This is compelling, I think. The pace is relentless, the pounding of the heart. The images are primal, and the guy’s thoughts are well thought out as they progress from excited, but calm, to a man facing what amounts to the end of his life. I like it that you put him in an impossible situation right away; that gives the reader time to have false hopes. And then we feel hope slip away as we get it, he’s going to die. What’s missing here is enough knowledge of the guy to care about him. It’d be easier to invest in the story, in the guy’s extreme situation, if we had seen him do something really bad, say to a girl, just before coming to this kind of end. Then we could root for the just outcome. Or if he did something great, was a hero, maybe we could end with some sense of the unfairness of his fate and the random cruelty of the universe. Good job. I felt it. I cared.
  
  You wrote: him and he bare hands. Should be: him and his bare hands.
  
  You wrote: We could just blow those beass away. We'd be heros.
  Should be: beasts. Heros can also be spelled heroes. Either is fine.
  
  You wrote: Everyone would get to see what the beast really were like.... Should be beasts, plural.
  
  You wrote: was not luckily enough.... Should be ‘lucky enough.’ read
• 
  The True Nature of Fear
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by mmckean on 11/24/2011
  Hey Lex007, A Brief Summary: "The Beasts and the Stalk" is a short story about a man who runs through the woods trying to escape the mysterious beasts who have caught on to his scent. He hides in a hollowed-out tree trunk where the beasts can't reach him (not fully anyway) and is ironically slain by a small spider which bites him while he is inside. What I liked about this... Hey Lex007,
  
  A Brief Summary: "The Beasts and the Stalk" is a short story about a man who runs through the woods trying to escape the mysterious beasts who have caught on to his scent. He hides in a hollowed-out tree trunk where the beasts can't reach him (not fully anyway) and is ironically slain by a small spider which bites him while he is inside.
  
  What I liked about this story is that it is one of the few modern day horror stories which sends a message. The message of the story seems to be a warning for us to not be blinded by fear of the unknown. Fear makes us do stupid things. He should have stood up to the beasts, and thereby faced his fear. The story was well-told and had a clear beginning, middle, and end.
  
  What needs some work: This story is lacking in the dialogue department (I counted only one sentence of dialogue). A story can successfully be told without any dialogue at all but the exposition has to be extraordinary to compensate for the missing dialogue. The best way I can explain it is to have you ask yourself...What takes longer to read, a page of dialogue or a page of exposition? You will probably find that the page of dialogue reads a bit faster because when you read the exposition you are trying to visualize an entire world in your head as you are reading. If the world we are trying to imagine isn't especially interesting than the reader will get bored. Think of it this way, would you like to read 2 pages about a remote spot in the desert or 2 pages about a house which in which objects defy the rules of physics? Or maybe 2 pages about a strange structure on Venus? You probably wouldn't choose reading about the desert would you? What I am saying is that there isnt anything wrong with writing about a forest without the use of dialogue but this forest has to be very "unique" in order for it to hold the readers attention.
  
  How it can be fixed: The spooky nature of this story could be summed up in a paragraph (only a paragraph because this story is only 6 pages long altogether and the forest really isnt the important part). The scene where Jack hides in the tree and the beasts come looking for him should be the central focus of the story. If that is the focus the reader will be on the edge of his/her seat wondering if the beast will get him or not and therefore the suspense is the readers motivation and dialogue shouldnt be so important.
  
  I hope these recommendations help. This story definitely has potential. And it's only 6 pages! read
• 
  the fear for the beast
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by Arturo Ortega on 08/23/2011
  I found this story very interesting, it’s a well told story that kept my Reading to find out about the ending of this scary chase, it´s interesting how in this story the hunter, usually human becomes the hunted usually an animal and vice versa. The description of the beast is very interesting, even that we never know if it’s a known animal or one invented by the author I certainly... I found this story very interesting, it’s a well told story that kept my Reading to find out about the ending of this scary chase, it´s interesting how in this story the hunter, usually human becomes the hunted usually an animal and vice versa.
  
  The description of the beast is very interesting, even that we never know if it’s a known animal or one invented by the author I certainly imagine it and as the story developed I felt that I knew a little bit more about that beast.
  
  The ending is good because it speaks about our fears that in some times are greater and more threatening than an actual bigger menace.
  
  The only think I could criticize about this story is that I was not that convinces that the beast chasing his pray for maybe miles, gives up in minutes when it couldn´t reach the main character in his hiding place, but that’s about it.
  
  Thank you for sharing this story. read
• 
  It's the little things...
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by yongary01 on 05/24/2011
  Hello! A hearty "thank you" for sharing this technically superior piece of fiction. I was ecstatic that there were very few typos or grammar errors. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It made for smooth reading. Please number your pages. I'll do a page-by-page overview 1-Good opening. Thrilling. Love the boxing analogy. Nasty smell sounds unbearable! 2-this is very literate...
  Hello! A hearty "thank you" for sharing this technically superior piece of fiction.
  
  I was ecstatic that there were very few typos or grammar errors. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It made for smooth reading.
  
  Please number your pages.
  
  I'll do a page-by-page overview
  
  1-Good opening. Thrilling. Love the boxing analogy. Nasty smell sounds unbearable!
  
  2-this is very literate writing. "if he died he would be claimed while fighting" All I can see is him running away from these beasts. There is no fighting involved. Ironic.
  
  3- fourth line down, far right "beass"=beasts
  "bug filled"=bug-filled
  
  The gap under the rotten tree is good, but I feel too easy of an answer. Make him miserable...even more.
  
  5-"He didn't think about the possibility of the beast still being around." Really? Even after it whacked him on the noggin and took away the sight (via blood) in his eye. That would be the only thing I'd be thinking of.
  
  In a bizarrely loose connection, this reminds me of the British film "Mona Lisa" with Bob Hoskins, Cathy Tyson and Michael Caine. In that movie Caine is always telling Hoskins "It's the little things." I see in your story a parable for life. While people are worried about the big, dramatic things, it is the little things that get them in the end. Thanks for sharing! Write more! read
• 
  You see jack? This is Jack's horrible sense of panic!
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by nick74 on 02/03/2011
  Nicely done! I was captured from the very beginning with a sense of desperation. Jack's flight through the forest, up the hill, through the trees and darkness - all very visual. I kept getting glimpses of his muddy hands, his eyes darting back and forth, the sound of his breath panting. This was quite moody. The lack of back story caused a very momentary brain check as I wanted... Nicely done! I was captured from the very beginning with a sense of desperation. Jack's flight through the forest, up the hill, through the trees and darkness - all very visual. I kept getting glimpses of his muddy hands, his eyes darting back and forth, the sound of his breath panting. This was quite moody. The lack of back story caused a very momentary brain check as I wanted to know what the heck it was chasing him, but ultimately, given the theme of this story, no back logging is really necessary. Good job on this one.
  
  I did doubt his disregard of the creature padding along outside his hiding spot when he jumped out to kill the spider on his nose. I thought 'what, is he crazy? It's a stupid spider!' This moment might be alleviated in the reader's mind if Jack was terrified of spiders - I mean clinically! It would create some serious hurdles for him in crawling INTO the tree, and it would also justify him leaping out later. But beyond that, I really enjoyed reading this desperate tale of flight. read
• 
  Beautiful Beasts Fall Short
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by WDohle on 11/08/2010
  The Beasts and the Stalk is a beautifully written piece of short fiction that, sadly, in the end has no point to it. This is probably one of the best detailed stories I have read online. Everything is perfect in that way. The emotions flow effortlessly into the character. The scene is set up in such a way to make it unique and memorable. And except for the ending, I really... The Beasts and the Stalk is a beautifully written piece of short fiction that, sadly, in the end has no point to it.
  
  This is probably one of the best detailed stories I have read online. Everything is perfect in that way. The emotions flow effortlessly into the character. The scene is set up in such a way to make it unique and memorable. And except for the ending, I really enjoyed this story!
  
  The ending, though, ruined the piece in my opinion. Granted that this story didn't take place in the real world, but there wasn't even a hint who the real killer was going to be. Instead it just kinda dropped out of the sky...literally...and in the main characters mouth?? That really took me over the top.
  
  I could have believed it if the character had been more worried about his allergies during the chase or at least had said something about being allergic to everything under the sun. Then I could have seen the ending happening. But as it is written, the ending just didn't work for me.
  
  Still, this is probably some of the best description I have read in quite a while. So keep up your writing! Change the ending. Or at least give us some hints what that ending might be. You might feel good about surprising your reader, but your reader too has to feel good about being surprised. read
• 
  Interesting Reading
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by Gabigabs on 11/01/2010
  The opening quickly grabs reader's attention and sets the mood of the story. I found it well written, making me want to read more. The only thing I would point out is that it states "Tonight was not the night for injuries and misadventure" and I would like to know what makes the night different than any other? Is it just because Jack is chased by the creatures? Would he still... The opening quickly grabs reader's attention and sets the mood of the story. I found it well written, making me want to read more. The only thing I would point out is that it states "Tonight was not the night for injuries and misadventure" and I would like to know what makes the night different than any other? Is it just because Jack is chased by the creatures? Would he still be chased if he happened to be in that area on a different night?
  
  I liked the tension building up through the story but when the ending came, I felt little bit disappointing, perhaps because there was no foreshadowing for such a twist.
  
  I thoroughly enjoyed the descriptions, and vocabulary the author used through the story.
  
  The thing I found the hardest to digest was the fact that Jack would go camping alone, knowing previous attacks had occurred, or that authorities for that matter would even allow camping in the area. I feel a different reason for him being in the woods should be given. Did he perhaps got lost during a daytime, being forced to spend the night, did he go hunting for the beasts and lost sight of his companion....?
  
  Here are some notes I took while reading:
  
  Pg. 1 - " him and he bare hands..." should be his bare hands
  
  Pg. 3 - It appears from the description that the beasts attacked before, though never been caught... but then would Jack really go camping alone, not carrying any weapons?
  
  Pg. 3 - "...into Jack’s pyjama (it is spelled pajama) top" - people do not sleep in pajamas while camping. Long underwear, layered with sweats, shirt or T-shirt on colder night would be more realistic choice.
  
  
  
  
  
  read
• 
  Jack, But Where's the Stalk?
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by mnjones on 11/01/2010
  The writer has a lively imagination and a love for words. The story, however, is told in rather dull fashion, even though there is a lot stuff going on: a camper pursued over rough terrain on a dark night by ferocious beasts that non one has ever seen, even though Jack, their prey, tells the reader the beasts are large, have sharp teeth, and terrible claws. The big problem... The writer has a lively imagination and a love for words. The story, however, is told in rather dull fashion, even though there is a lot stuff going on: a camper pursued over rough terrain on a dark night by ferocious beasts that non one has ever seen, even though Jack, their prey, tells the reader the beasts are large, have sharp teeth, and terrible claws. The big problem is "telling, not showing." Some of the sentence structure needs to be look at, and there are several long paragraphs, especially the one on page 2, that need to be broken up.
  
  I found it peculiar that Jack went camping in his pajamas. His he dreaming this wild adventure?
  
  Keep writing! Good luck.
  read
• 
  Bean Stalk
  A review of The Beasts and the Stalk
  by JayEHunny on 10/28/2010
  I found this story to be quite adventurous and enjoyable. There was a lot of strong description and protagonist narration, which allowed me to get a good feel for what was going on and how the main character felt. I found a few grammatical errors and spelling errors, however. In order for a piece to truly be deemed great, there must be zero silly mistakes like that. I also... I found this story to be quite adventurous and enjoyable. There was a lot of strong description and protagonist narration, which allowed me to get a good feel for what was going on and how the main character felt. I found a few grammatical errors and spelling errors, however. In order for a piece to truly be deemed great, there must be zero silly mistakes like that. I also felt that at some points there was poor wording, especially for such an intense piece! Overall, the writing style was unique, as well as the plot! Good job! read