Reviews of The Gospel of Ryan 13

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  "The Gospel of Ryan" review
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by tomasy on 05/04/2013
  This was a pretty and very touching story. You really get a sense of the setting in the beginning of the story. I like it's slightly dystopian look at the future. Reminded me of a some of the stories and songs I enjoyed back in the 1980's, under the cloud of the Cold War. I also really like that within this dystopian setting you give us a beautiful coming-of-age story, full... This was a pretty and very touching story. You really get a sense of the setting in the beginning of the story. I like it's slightly dystopian look at the future. Reminded me of a some of the stories and songs I enjoyed back in the 1980's, under the cloud of the Cold War. I also really like that within this dystopian setting you give us a beautiful coming-of-age story, full of equal parts love and loss. I'm sure you've been made aware of the formatting issues with your apostrophes, so I won't harp on that, which was my only real complaint about the story. I look forward to more. read
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  Gospel of Ryan Review
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by hinge1492 on 03/26/2013
  This is a good setting for a story (Ireland) and a good setup for plenty of conflict in a post-apocalyptic future. Plagues, famine and a fascist government are all great seeds for plenty of conflict. The Irish setting gives a twist to the normally cliché topics, though I'd recommend you find some additional ways to differentiate this from other apocalyptic tales. There is... This is a good setting for a story (Ireland) and a good setup for plenty of conflict in a post-apocalyptic future. Plagues, famine and a fascist government are all great seeds for plenty of conflict. The Irish setting gives a twist to the normally cliché topics, though I'd recommend you find some additional ways to differentiate this from other apocalyptic tales.
  
  There is a lot of telling rather than showing in this story, and a lot of passive voice. Show us their flight from Dublin, or the patrols, or examples of the famine and death rather than tell us, and show it with active voice. Put us in the moment. Also, I feel like it should start closer to the action (either finding the commune or the plague starting) so we get to the crisis faster.
  
  Not sure we need the names defined in the text. Do they add something to the story I missed?
  
  This feels like it needs to either be a much longer work, or have greater focus on one or two conflicts. Both routes need more detail and more showing of what's happening. It never dives down to put us in the moment consistently, showing us things rather than telling and describing them. There is very little characterization beyond Eibhlin. It only gives us the surface story over a long expanse. For a short story, I would recommend you pick one or two episodes to expand on, really putting us in the situation. Alternately, I’d recommend you put us in the moment and expand what’s touched on in the story into a novel-size work, rather than a short story.
  
  I also think you missed a few opportunities. The regime largely disappears after the start of the story, and I think the army finding them would be a big threat. Also, armed bandits or other communes seem like inevitable antagonists too. This seems an odd suggestion given that I think the story’s too big for a short piece, but the setting is good enough that there are a lot of conflicts that you miss.
  
  Again, good setting and plenty of potential conflict. I just feel this piece tells rather than shows, and lacks focus in specific instances and tries to cover too much. A deeper dive into the moment with greater character focus would add a lot to the piece, either as a short or a longer work. read
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  Review: The Gospel of Ryan
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by writermorris on 03/25/2013
  I adore this writer, I have reviewed a couple of Francesca's stories already, and I must admit I have also read a couple just for sheer pleasure and to be quite honest to learn from her technique and formatting. She is in my opinion a fine writer. So now I've given her the big build up, am I going to tear down the house down? No, not really, perhaps I'll just shake a teeny... I adore this writer, I have reviewed a couple of Francesca's stories already, and I must admit I have also read a couple just for sheer pleasure and to be quite honest to learn from her technique and formatting. She is in my opinion a fine writer. So now I've given her the big build up, am I going to tear down the house down? No, not really, perhaps I'll just shake a teeny tile on the roof. The Gospel of Ryan is obviously part of a much bigger and ambitious work and is beautifully written. But while Francesca's short stories have a sense of immediacy and race to a satisfying climax. ( Sorry, no pun intended on the sex scene!) This part of a longer piece meandered along a little too slowly for me. Nothing really happened, ( apart from famine and a plague of biblical proportions.) and I didn't get the usual fission of excitement that your work normally raises in me. I'll have to give you low marks this time 9/10 - many thanks. read
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  The Gospel of Ryan
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by ChristinaD on 12/24/2012
  The Gospel of Ryan was an interesting story of survival through the eyes of a teenaged boy. The characters were good, but I would have liked a little more from them. Maybe more of their emotions, fears of how the world was, sadness at the loss of loved ones, and a little hope to their new community they created. And perhaps a little more emotion from Ryan. Teenage years are... The Gospel of Ryan was an interesting story of survival through the eyes of a teenaged boy. The characters were good, but I would have liked a little more from them. Maybe more of their emotions, fears of how the world was, sadness at the loss of loved ones, and a little hope to their new community they created. And perhaps a little more emotion from Ryan. Teenage years are hard, and in a world where nothing is no longer certain, perhaps you could show more of Ryan's fears of this world.
  I did enjoy the story and read through in it one sitting because it kept my attention.
  I wish you the best of luck with it. read
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  Spell of Franceska!!!
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by Wilsun on 11/06/2012
  Hey Francesa, Having read and liked your Forward to The Gospels of Eibhlín, my only expectation from this story was to at least maintain that level if not exceed in brilliance. But, I had no idea what marvelous treat this was going to be. Right from the very beginning of the story/gospel, I was captivated with fear. I admire the way you got me exposed to this probable futuristic... Hey Francesa,
  
  Having read and liked your Forward to The Gospels of Eibhlín, my only expectation from this story was to at least maintain that level if not exceed in brilliance. But, I had no idea what marvelous treat this was going to be.
  
  Right from the very beginning of the story/gospel, I was captivated with fear. I admire the way you got me exposed to this probable futuristic world with such great ease. I easily slipped in the shoes of Ryan. Also, the way you managed to attach emotions to a Range Rover is awesome. Another great job, making the Rottweiler vanish without using a single gore element. Hats off!
  
  Great work on capturing the innocence of the age in which Ryan and Eibhlín (initially when they are introduced) are shown in that world. Another thing worth mentioning here is that you, being a woman, did a fantastic job of writing a teen guy's(Ryan) 'reaction' during the kissing sequence on page eleven. Still, I hadn't lost the fear that I had picked earlier. Its just that this part gave me a little breathing space.
  
  Later on, when Eibhlín started helping with food, I could feel my fear transform into hope. By the end of page thirteen I was cheerful. Smiles.
  
  Page 15 - using the Ants - quite thought provoking!
  
  In the next few pages, you made me feel sad as I was now a part of this new community and the tragedy that had fallen on them. But then, I also noticed that Eibhlín was displaying the signs of becoming someone on whom gospels would be written someday. Excellent character build up!
  
  Page 20 - The first para "When I found her there, her eyes were dry,....." - Very well written and one of the most touching parts of this story. (Seán and Kathleen)
  
  From page 26 onward Eibhlín was no longer an ordinary human. I could see the shades in her of someone who's going to make a journey beyond the realms of the limited sky that is visible. And, I'm not sure how many of the other reviewers (TS) will like the story from here on or at least understand the depth where you have got your readers at this point. This is where I call you gifted (you are talented there's no doubt about that).
  
  And, on page 30, if Ryan hadn't gathered his things, packed his bag, and returned to the farm, I would have fallen for Eibhlín. You ended this gospel just when I was so ready to follow Eibhlín deeper in an unexplored universe. You were in control of your story all the time. Well done!
  
  After the fine dining at 'The Dining Room' you had handed me 'Forward to the gospels of Eibhlín' and now with this one I'm almost turning into a follower.
  
  Thanks for such a wonderful read or treat. One last thing, including the concept, story, structure, flow and the characters, I also admire your language. It’s kept quite simple yet interesting. Instead of adding beautiful words in your sentences, you have created sentences that add beauty to its simpler words. This means that a reader of any level can enjoy it. Smiles.
  
  Sorry for writing such a long review. Though, not my fault. Your story had too many great elements which required to be mentioned and appreciated.
  
  Thanks again.
  Wilson read
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  Fragile Love Story Amid a Broken Society
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by karlasbryant on 11/02/2012
  All three of my current review assignments are written by f-ceska and if "The Gospel of Ryan" is an example of what's in store, it makes for happy anticipation. So many short stories tend to rush their way through that I found f-ceska's careful attention to detail and the paced unfolding of the story a pleasure. The descriptions of a post-catastrophic society in Ireland seemed... All three of my current review assignments are written by f-ceska and if "The Gospel of Ryan" is an example of what's in store, it makes for happy anticipation.
  
  So many short stories tend to rush their way through that I found f-ceska's careful attention to detail and the paced unfolding of the story a pleasure. The descriptions of a post-catastrophic society in Ireland seemed plausible and, in some ways, echoed the country's famines of the past. Ryan, the protagonist, was portrayed with care to exhibit both courage and sensitivity. Eibhlin, his female counterpart, is a heroine with wisdom and bravery...and a wildness that served the story well.
  
  The story itself focused on an increasing number of families seeking refuge from the famine, working together to grow crops, until a disastrous plague strikes the small community. One by one, members succumb. Within this world of fear and increasing anxiety, Ryan and Eibhlin unite in a fiery moment, creating a sense of hope in their bleak society.
  
  Very well-written and filled with characters that encouraged empathy, "The Gospel of Ryan" was a pleasure to read. read
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  More action.
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by jojoe on 09/06/2012
  f-ceska, your story really doesn't have anything happening in it. Where are the wandering bad guys that will threaten the community, or vicious animals, etc.? Also, everyone getting sick and dying at the end was misplaced. This should be in the middle, and should be resolved by the hero of the story doing something heroic, like venturing out of the compound into the badlands... f-ceska, your story really doesn't have anything happening in it. Where are the wandering bad guys that will threaten the community, or vicious animals, etc.? Also, everyone getting sick and dying at the end was misplaced. This should be in the middle, and should be resolved by the hero of the story doing something heroic, like venturing out of the compound into the badlands and getting the needed medicine. A good story keeps our interest, keeps us on the edge of our seats, or keeps us wanting more. I experienced none of these things. Sorry. read
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  Interesting world idea -- integrate more subtly
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by mitchellgolden on 09/04/2012
  The world that you set your story in--post-apocalyptic Ireland under a totalitarian regime--is an incredibly complex world for a short story. That isn't to say it's not doable, but it definitely presents a challenge: to work the elements of the world in without it seeming like you're explaining it to the reader. It's okay to be vague about what's going on in the world and let... The world that you set your story in--post-apocalyptic Ireland under a totalitarian regime--is an incredibly complex world for a short story. That isn't to say it's not doable, but it definitely presents a challenge: to work the elements of the world in without it seeming like you're explaining it to the reader. It's okay to be vague about what's going on in the world and let the reader wonder. Furthermore, only include details of the world if they serve your story. For example, I didn't necessarily have to know that the pools were used as interrogation chambers. While an interesting fact, it didn't contribute to the story at hand. The story was between Ryan and the main female (forgive me for not being able to spell her name off hand).
  
  Also, it felt like the conflicts were both too external and too quickly solved for me to gain any significant attachment to them. The conflicts came from unseen entities: the regime, the pandemic, etc., and never from character. There were no character conflicts, and no truly difficult obstacles to overcome. I wanted to see one of your characters use sheer willpower to overcome an otherwise immovable obstacle. The pandemic was a hard obstacle, but the healing had everything to do with luck, and nothing to do with a character's actions.
  
  Overall, great world. A good next step would be to heighten the conflict and try to more efficiently integrate the exposition of the world itself. read
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  Matthew, Mark, Luke and Ryan
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by nick74 on 08/14/2012
  Hey Francesca! Here we are again... I really enjoy how your writing turns life’s little moments into symbolic references to greater things. It’s done with such liquid emotion that after a few passages it’s like a tsunami just washing over a reader, beating them into perfect and utter submission. I have to admit that this 3rd gospel was my least favorite. But only because... Hey Francesca! Here we are again...
  
  
  I really enjoy how your writing turns life’s little moments into symbolic references to greater things. It’s done with such liquid emotion that after a few passages it’s like a tsunami just washing over a reader, beating them into perfect and utter submission.
  
  I have to admit that this 3rd gospel was my least favorite. But only because the other two were so profound, especially Michael. Having said that, I also have to admit that the final 3 pages or so of Ryan gave me the deepest emotional response. And it happened before I knew it was happening. You see, I’m a knee-shaker by nature. My feet or my knees are always in motion. At the movies. Reading. Lying in bed. But after this story ended I noticed my knee START shaking again, which tells me 2 things. 1. It stopped somewhere on that lake pasture when my mind got sucked in. And 2. I became consciously aware of it, as if I returned home from some meaningful trek, and poof... here I was again sitting in my bedroom. I won’t spoil anything for readers of this review who might read Ryan, but your strengths as a romantist and a soul-writer are expressed with the kind of certainty that few are capable of during this story’s denumet. And, man.... sheesh! It’s good.
  
  As for the story, I felt that, though these characters behaved like individuals with specific character-driven ethics, they were less fleshed through dialog and subtlety than some of your previous writings, and I think that’s because a great deal more plot happens in Ryan, than in the others, making it difficult to condense the story into 30 mere pages. Honestly, what you’ve written with the 3rd Gospel is, might I say, a novel. And the antagonist (being the super flu) is a frightening inclusion, especially the way the characters in the story dealt with it. The burials, the doubt and uncertainty, the quarantining... all very scary.
  
  Of course, then there’s the character of Eihblin who I think you relate to the most, on a personal level. She’s up to her shenanigans again, this time as a lovely burgeoning teen, while possessing the wisdom and charm of a sage. This leads me to believe that her destiny is one of utmost importance to certain details, like, say, the survival of the human race --- something for which I am intrigued to discover. The most complete aspect of this Gospel is her growth from a coy little girl to a protector of the population to a great philosopher of life, which you handled with deft perfection.
  
  A few observations:
  
  pg 1 -- “It had been his father’s...” --- whose father? I assume Ryan’s dad’s father, but I have to assume.
  
  Pg 2 -- “Anyone who hasn’t lived through a famine ... so I won’t bother now” --- I understand the point of this, but it ALMOST talks down to an audience. Besides, what a great opportunity to describe anger, hunger, starvation and death all rolled into one!
  
  Did you know the 1st 5 paragraphs begin like: “I was sixteen when we fled...” “We got out just before..” “We got out just before...” “We got while...” “We got out in the dead of night...” An interesting choice. It almost reads like the intro narrative to a disaster story. Oh, wait, that’s what it is.
  
  The abandoned legacy of a world that had thrived before the climate changed. --- Ooo, juicy stuff.
  
  “Trying not to drown in my embarrassment.” A good laugh. Great metaphoric use.
  
  Pg 15 --- “But Eihblin had must have caught Fallon’s...” --- Verbiage. A nit pick.
  
  Pg 18 --- “...we knew that this not your ordinary common strain of flu.” --- Verbiage. Also, “ordinary common...” is descriptive redundancy.
  
  The Gospel of Ryan is an emotional and powerful addition to the Gospel series that, once again, ties together some of your earlier characters into an ever-broadening story arc, and it’s message is strong enough to warrant added story elements --- descriptions of characters and character relationships, more motion, juicier dialog, that sort of thing where it can be tactfully included. Nevertheless, it successfully moves the story forward in a way that is gentle and pounding at the same time. Good stuff, Fran.
  
  Nick read
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  Is Ryan a plain guy? I will task myself with reading the other stories before the screenplay
  A review of The Gospel of Ryan
  by Point_and_shoot on 06/20/2012
  I like that the synopsis and logo fooled me into thinking that this was all about Ryan's sexual rite of passage, and that everything else happening was just a backdrop. I found this to be far from that, and so am pleased. There is a underlying biblical tone to this piece, where you can read phrases like; 'bearing fruit,' and the general similarities to famine stories in... I like that the synopsis and logo fooled me into thinking that this was all about Ryan's sexual rite of passage, and that everything else happening was just a backdrop. I found this to be far from that, and so am pleased.
  
  There is a underlying biblical tone to this piece, where you can read phrases like; 'bearing fruit,' and the general similarities to famine stories in the Bible. This I didn't find disconcerting at all. What I did find disconcerting was the narrative tone. You see Ryan is sixteen years old, and is probably self-taught having had no access to the internet or what have you. But yet he uses terms like; trepidation, imminent rejection (on page 4), to illustrate his situation at certain times. At other times he uses more grounded language like; 'taking the piss' (I forget which page). So there seems to be a little discrepancy in the overall narrative tone.
  
  That said, in that the author presents this story as one part of a larger screenplay I will task myself to read the other short stories before I read the screenplay as the process of translation between the story and screenplay format interests me very much, and I pledge that the opportunity to witness and create in like manner is why I came to trigger street 4 years ago.
  
  On the character front, I feel sorry for the welcoming family that dies. I hope that there is a philosophical payoff from the authour in killing older people and letting the younger live as there is nothing original in going down this route.
  
  I found it odd that a story that introduces characters rebelling end up having such a plainness to them. Or maybe Ryan is a plain guy? I must also say that I found everyone (except Fallon) to be a little goodie-too shoes as if the authour is overlooking character dimension for a wider theme about survival in the story.
  
  As I said at first the lack of Twilight-like full blown romance I found as a plus, but I think this story shares more with the series Hunger Games. That being said I find it's structure more than just a fan fiction exercise. When I read the next stories I would like to know more about where the disease is leading. read