Reviews of The Hard Choice 5

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  Living in the Moment
  A review of The Hard Choice
  by alexherrin on 02/21/2012
  I was truly engaged by this story from beginning to end. The characters felt alive, and the passion, however fleeting, felt real. I was forced to look upon my own life, and the choices I have made with friends and women, which was uncomfortable, but also insightful and moving. Any story that causes introspection in the reader in my opinion has succeeded where most stories... I was truly engaged by this story from beginning to end. The characters felt alive, and the passion, however fleeting, felt real. I was forced to look upon my own life, and the choices I have made with friends and women, which was uncomfortable, but also insightful and moving. Any story that causes introspection in the reader in my opinion has succeeded where most stories fail.
  
  That being said, I was a bit disappointed with the structure as well as the ending. It was difficult to tell what was the present and what was a flashback. Did the flashbacks eventually converge with the present? Also, I'm not entirely sure what The Choice is. his motive at the end of the story is unclear, and I felt a bit cheated. Perhaps a bit more closure could help.
  
  Overall, I enjoyed this story very much. Very well written; it read beautifully.
  Good luck. read
• 
  I liked what I understood.
  A review of The Hard Choice
  by vieira4 on 02/03/2012
  I'm not very deep, and your vocabulary is better than mine, so a lot of this went over my head. However, I really enjoyed a lot of this story. I loved the descriptions of people and places and feelings. I identified with the narrator - I quite often wish my past was in my future, and feel a bit lost within myself. I particularly enjoyed the way he thought about women, and the... I'm not very deep, and your vocabulary is better than mine, so a lot of this went over my head. However, I really enjoyed a lot of this story. I loved the descriptions of people and places and feelings. I identified with the narrator - I quite often wish my past was in my future, and feel a bit lost within myself. I particularly enjoyed the way he thought about women, and the sexual charge of those encounters, even though none were explicit. I enjoyed his constant appreciation of art.
  
  I got a bit lost at some points in the story - I couldn't see how various parts fell into place chronologically. It doesn't really matter, in most cases, but I think I'd need to read it through several times to get a clear idea of how it's supposed to flow. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
  
  Nitpicking: the sentence structure goes awry a bit in places. There are several missing capital letters (for example, on 'Nonplussed' on page 2). There are a few places where you should have used a semicolon instead of a comma, for example; It was the most peaceful and most private place; life below that point was too obscure for a child to
  understand."
  
  Small language mistakes: you crumple paper, not crumble it, and that Chinese sign is called yin yang, not yen yen. read
• 
  The Hard Choice is a promising story that needs editing and revision.
  A review of The Hard Choice
  by DreamSpeaker on 01/14/2012
  The concept of The Hard Choice is intriguing. It's a treatise of the protagonist's immigrant experience. The feeling of being torn between the loyalties of his two opposing worlds leave Sami--the protagonist--disconnected with either. The author creates vivid imageries and transforms details into impressions. He does this while maintaining the forward momentum of the scenes... The concept of The Hard Choice is intriguing. It's a treatise of the protagonist's immigrant experience. The feeling of being torn between the loyalties of his two opposing worlds leave Sami--the protagonist--disconnected with either.
  
  The author creates vivid imageries and transforms details into impressions. He does this while maintaining the forward momentum of the scenes. All of these are signs of a good storyteller.
  
  The story will be a far better read with revisions. It will benefit from spelling and grammar check; paragraph formatting; clarification of the transition between the present, the back story, and the flashbacks; aspects besides the protagonist's romantic involvements, for example, other interactions of his life and times in the Pacific North West; and POV.
  
  The story reads like a series of vignettes connected by a common theme. The plot (this is of course, a personal opinion) could use more unity of purpose.
  
  The author has the gift of storytelling. Practice will only make him better. read
• 
  Casablanca, please
  A review of The Hard Choice
  by mpet on 01/13/2012
  A well written, engaging story. This was an interesting glimpse into Samy's life Though I think a few bare threads were left where they could have been tied nicely together. For example, I found the subtle references to the King every time father was mentioned interesting, but this was never really explored. Also the conversation on the train should perhaps bookend the... A well written, engaging story. This was an interesting glimpse into Samy's life Though I think a few bare threads were left where they could have been tied nicely together. For example, I found the subtle references to the King every time father was mentioned interesting, but this was never really explored. Also the conversation on the train should perhaps bookend the story. As it is a starting point and a back to present and sectional point as well.
  
  I suggest ending the story on this note because something about the ending just didn't sit well with me. If this ending is suggesting the contemplation of suicide, it should IMO, end on the note that the decision is aborted. Instead of going on for another paragraph. But that's just a thought, and I often find myself dissatisfied with endings because I hate for a good story to end.
  
  I thought all the supporting characters seemed to provide valuable insight into Samy's psyche. Well done. And I also enjoyed the glimpse into another world through Samy's narrative. This was an excellent story. Thank you.
  read
• 
  Wander through this life
  A review of The Hard Choice
  by bigheadx on 01/13/2012
  "Meandering" came to this reader's mind as he read this interesting but occasionally confusing story. In vignettes, we learn about this young man's past and present - family, girlfriends, boyfriends. Unfortunately, considering its length, we come away knowing very little because the story drifts, much like its main character drifts from scene to scene, memory to memory. If... "Meandering" came to this reader's mind as he read this interesting but occasionally confusing story. In vignettes, we learn about this young man's past and present - family, girlfriends, boyfriends. Unfortunately, considering its length, we come away knowing very little because the story drifts, much like its main character drifts from scene to scene, memory to memory.
  
  If there is a "choice" in this story, it was not seen by this reader, but perhaps that is his failing. In general, a bit over-written, with some nice descriptive moments, but very little sense of story or character movement.
  
  Thanks for the opportunity to read it.
  
  ==============================
  
  fleeting panorama ... transfixed unscathed ... meandering track - all in one sentence makes for some "heavy" reading, some might even suggest it is florid
  
  He looked at me with an expressive smile - new paragraph
  
  nonplussed, I stood in the middle - same (also, "Nonplussed")
  
  [you have many sentences whose first word is not capitalized -- proofread!]
  
  sputtered out his last cusses - sputtered out his last curses
  
  “look how all of your cousins graduated, - new paragraph
  
  Little children who don't cry, cry the most - nice!
  
  “So how long have you been here?” He looked at me as he put away his magazine. - need a bit more clarity about returning to the man in the train; confusing
  
  looking at the window - Looking "at" or looking "out?"
  
  I wondered how we looked to the solitary hawk that freely traced a trail to no end. - nice!
  
  He looked at me, beads of sweat running down his temple - new paragraph
  
  his grief usually concealed somewhere in his spleen - unsure as to what this means
  
  incense whiffed in a broken smoke from an Indian burner. - awkward
  
  and a blue top served a stand for a chrysanthemum - and a blue top served as a stand for a potted chrysanthemum
  
  by the kitchen Island - by the kitchen island
  
  wall that reminiscently stood as a vain citadel. - unsure as to what this means
  
  They lived in Coos bay - They lived in Coos Bay
  
  ” She walked me around the house, - new paragraph
  
  “I heard you don't eat pork.” Said her younger sister - “I heard you don't eat pork,” said her younger sister
  
  It took me ten years before I put her photo on my altar shelf - whose photo? grandmother?
  
  My stories were chronologically random and strange to each other, classified in a dark repertoire; some stood out, while others disappeared in the shadows. - in a way, this sentence describes your story and its strengths and weaknesses
  
  The mysterious girl now turned and looked at him with a an expressive smile - new paragraph
  
  Images shuffled from an eagle crossing the chest of the sky to a bear laying in a sweet hibernation - what does this mean? read