Reviews of The Patch 22

• 
  Review: The Patch
  A review of The Patch
  by writermorris on 04/11/2013
  Now that be a proper short story me shipmate! What a great little story, three pages long, three characters lives explained, and a death and a ship blown up! That's great storytelling. I adored it. I love the idea of an eye patch turning up and someone who believes in reincarnation immediately knows it refers to one of their past lives. And you didn't even have to describe... Now that be a proper short story me shipmate! What a great little story, three pages long, three characters lives explained, and a death and a ship blown up! That's great storytelling. I adored it. I love the idea of an eye patch turning up and someone who believes in reincarnation immediately knows it refers to one of their past lives. And you didn't even have to describe what they were wearing, we all know what pirates wear. How good is that! I'll let other people tell you where you went wrong ! ( I thought it worked great.) So I'll give you high marks for an original concept, and I'll leave you with one thought. If you had been writing 'Pirates of the Caribbean' it would have been a six minute short! Well done. Brilliant. read
• 
  DON’T MESS WITH ELIZA
  A review of The Patch
  by gulfcoastomega on 09/11/2011
  My review of THE PATCH Andy receives a mysterious eye patch and is transported back to one of his previous incarnations aboard a ship in the year 1694 where he is a woman who plots to kill the abusive captain My thoughts on the piece: --Needs a separate title page as page #1, with the story starting on page #2 --There is a problem with the tense in this story (present...
  My review of THE PATCH
  
  Andy receives a mysterious eye patch and is transported back to one of his previous incarnations aboard a ship in the year 1694 where he is a woman who plots to kill the abusive captain
  
  My thoughts on the piece:
  
  --Needs a separate title page as page #1, with the story starting on page #2
  
  --There is a problem with the tense in this story (present tense, past tense)
  The story starts out “The day started off” (not starts off) so “Andy quickly opens it” should be “opened it.
  
  --Incorrect word: “Ye be different winch” = word should be wench.
  
  --Tense: “whacks the captain” = whacked
  
  --What else could I do to finish it he thought?
  Should be “What else could I do to finish it?” he thought.
  
  --Tense: “Andy jumps up” = jumped
  
  This story needs a little more polishing to get to the next level.
  If the author would expand and develop Andy’s previous lives he would have an interesting piece. read
• 
  Loved It!
  A review of The Patch
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 05/24/2011
  Though The Patch is just tiny story (3 pages) it has big story potential. Concept is worth thinking over to develop into something bigger. Story happens in two worlds, or maybe more. You have fascinating concept. You have exotic world of pirates, which is big now with Johnny Depp movies, and you already have interesting characters, whose lived I like maybe to see more into... Though The Patch is just tiny story (3 pages) it has big story potential. Concept is worth thinking over to develop into something bigger. Story happens in two worlds, or maybe more. You have fascinating concept. You have exotic world of pirates, which is big now with Johnny Depp movies, and you already have interesting characters, whose lived I like maybe to see more into. See, everything here is A+ for you expanding and making story that lives up to potential of creative mind, which you have. Story as is is great, but is too short once appetite is whetted by quality of writing. You write well, you tell big story in few words, which shows that you have natural ability for brevity. You make exciting story short and sweet. Problem is now days that too many stories drag on and on and bore fuck out of reader. This is kick in ass and easy to visualize all that happens; and what can tug our hearts more than fate of cruelly abused slave bitch, yeah? If you ever enlarge, please let me know. Would love to read bigger version. read
• 
  A-har, ye bandits of time!
  A review of The Patch
  by nick74 on 03/24/2011
  Fantastic concept! Inside the 7 hundred some odd words of this piece you have successfully included one of my favorite story concepts, being time travel, along with a number of others --- all of which bear their own unique commentary such as slavery, piracy and maritime adventures on the high seas, violence, etc. Beyond concept, however, there isn't much else to lean this... Fantastic concept! Inside the 7 hundred some odd words of this piece you have successfully included one of my favorite story concepts, being time travel, along with a number of others --- all of which bear their own unique commentary such as slavery, piracy and maritime adventures on the high seas, violence, etc.
  
  Beyond concept, however, there isn't much else to lean this story on. The lead character is a bit unknown, the narrator, who refers to himsefl/herself is an unknown, though beholden to some mystery and intrigue, and the technical aspect of the story is a bit askew. Watch, especially, for incorrect use of tenses. You sometimes combined a literate past tense with a more present tense telling (which leads me to believe you're probably more adept at writing screen plays than short stories) all of which are fairly simple fixes to make. Spend some time getting to know your characters in this story and expand on it, and this read will become an adventure through time with a unique, if not original, concept.
  
  Nick read
• 
  Alternate lives collide
  A review of The Patch
  by Suesea on 09/23/2010
  The story is starts off about a person that has experienced many lives. He receives a package and in that package are an item from his past and an eye patch. He is told to “finish it.” The start of the story builds some sense of mystery and the unraveling of the mystery is entertaining. The writing is clean without many errors, but it may help the story to add more information... The story is starts off about a person that has experienced many lives. He receives a package and in that package are an item from his past and an eye patch. He is told to “finish it.” The start of the story builds some sense of mystery and the unraveling of the mystery is entertaining.
  
  The writing is clean without many errors, but it may help the story to add more information about Andy. Flesh out his character and current day settings, so that the reader can become more emotionally attached and care about what happens.
  
  Also, it felt a little like a cheat in the end to make it all be a dream and then maybe not. The story may be better without the dream aspect altogether. It lessens the story and the effort of the writer to create a believable environment. Having a guy who is able to travel into past lives is an interesting concept. There could be more to this story, if the writer cares to build on it.
  
  Thanks for sharing it and good luck.
  
  Suesea read
• 
  The Patch
  A review of The Patch
  by Scrybe on 12/12/2009
  Okay, I read in the production notes that this piece is for submission to Reader's Digest, and that RD has a 750 word limit on submissions. So, I expected it to feature an abrupt ending, or focus on a small scene, and I was not disppointed by that. Given that it is intended for submission to a magazine, I think the most important thing to revise is the shifting tenses used... Okay, I read in the production notes that this piece is for submission to Reader's Digest, and that RD has a 750 word limit on submissions. So, I expected it to feature an abrupt ending, or focus on a small scene, and I was not disppointed by that.
  
  Given that it is intended for submission to a magazine, I think the most important thing to revise is the shifting tenses used in the piece. At times the story is told in the present tense ( Andy quickly opens it, After a few more hits the captain leaves, Andy jumps up from his comfy bed, etc.), while at other times the story is told in the past tense (the doorbell woke Andy up from a deep sleep, Looking over his body he noticed bruises, Quickly he made his way, etc.). Given the ending of the story, I suggest the author revise this piece to keep everything in the present tense. Past tense is more common in stories (both short stories and novels), but would require some reworking of the conclusion in order for it to sit well.
  
  I wish the author the best in their plans to get this piece published. read
• 
  A mysterious package contains a link to a man's past lives.
  A review of The Patch
  by bigheadx on 10/27/2009
  This is an interesting (and extremely brief) tale that unfortunately has numerous holes that left this reader unsatisfied. For example, the mysterious package contains an item that causes the protagonist to recall his past lives (and then experience one of them). No information is given as to why this item arrived as it did or who delivered it. No clues are offered as to... This is an interesting (and extremely brief) tale that unfortunately has numerous holes that left this reader unsatisfied. For example, the mysterious package contains an item that causes the protagonist to recall his past lives (and then experience one of them). No information is given as to why this item arrived as it did or who delivered it. No clues are offered as to why the protagonist has lived multiple lives or why he is currently who he is. The past life described is flush with potential but you present in a fairly pedestrian fashion (particularly the explosion). The ending is also extremely abrupt and introduces an "I" (who this reader presumes is the story's narrator) in the final sentence.
  
  If this is a starting-sketch for a more complete treatment of your imaginative concept then good luck with it. You have the framework for an imaginative scifi/fantasy tale, in this reader's humble opinion, if you decide to do more with it.
  
  Good luck!
  
  ======================
  Typos/Word Choice/Grammar [ NP=new paragraph suggested ]
  
  ... until the doorbell woke Andy up from a deep sleep ... - until the doorbell awakened Andy from a deep sleep...
  
  Andy stumbled his way / Andy quickly opens it - choose a verb tense and stick with it [past/present]
  
  He could not help but reflect on all his past lives - no NP
  
  ... the captains bidding - ... the captain's bidding
  
  What was he supposed to finish he wondered. - What was he supposed to finish, he wondered.
  
  Andy tried to figure it out in his head... - unintentionally funny; where else would Andy figure it out?
  
  What else could I do to finish it he thought? - What else could I do to finish it, he thought?
  
  ... I will have no problem reminding him again - who is "I?" read
• 
  I liked it in this life
  A review of The Patch
  by cgianni on 09/12/2009
  This story is about an entity in control of the reincarnation of Andy, who is the main character. Andy, in an act of nobility decides in the name of goodness to possibly sacrifice his life to save another. In a risky situation involving a 'reincarnation paradox' Andy risks it all. An ambiguous ending; the reader is faced with variable endings: is it a dream or reality? Is it... This story is about an entity in control of the reincarnation of Andy, who is the main character. Andy, in an act of nobility decides in the name of goodness to possibly sacrifice his life to save another. In a risky situation involving a 'reincarnation paradox' Andy risks it all. An ambiguous ending; the reader is faced with variable endings: is it a dream or reality? Is it failure or success? In less than 1000 words the talented author has succeed in conveying a complex short-short story. I enjoy the style, quick- dirty, to the point. This story reminded me of S. King's 1408, and the recurring loop of horror. In production notes the author states it's been condensed, so I feel it's an abbreviated 'trial' version of a more complete story. I wish you the best of luck for Readers Digest picking it up, I did enjoy it, and sure others will to. The writing although somewhat cryptic was damn good- but maybe too many questions unanswered (for my taste). It may need a more 'solid' closure. I hope I’m not way off on the interpretation- but, that’s how I see it FWIW. P.S. Reincarnation seems to be cool, but the grass is always greener on the other side until you get there and experience it yourself. Yup, Yup. read
• 
  Review of "The Patch"
  A review of The Patch
  by Matthew Spira on 03/17/2009
  I've read this story three times, and I'm still not really sure what I'm supposed to take away from it. The stated message is to never take your life for granted, but I don't really feel that conclusion is well-supported by what actually happens in the story. A guy gets an eye patch in the mail, and wearing it transports him back to a previous life where he was a female slave(?)... I've read this story three times, and I'm still not really sure what I'm supposed to take away from it. The stated message is to never take your life for granted, but I don't really feel that conclusion is well-supported by what actually happens in the story.
  
  A guy gets an eye patch in the mail, and wearing it transports him back to a previous life where he was a female slave(?) of a cruel ship captain. This time around, he (as she) kills the ship captain instead being killed, and then to transport himself back to his current life, ignites the powder room and sinks the ship.
  
  In a 750 word story, especially one intended for something like Reader's Digest, every idea and every word has to count. In "The Patch" it just doesn't feel like the logic is completely thought through, and it doesn't help things that the verb tenses are an inconsistent mix of the present and past tense.
  
  If the author is going to continue forward with this story, I recommend a careful think-through of the concept, and a word by word rewrite of presentation.
  
  Good luck with it. read
• 
  A little confusing
  A review of The Patch
  by Broken2day on 03/02/2009
  I like the concept, very intriguing, but everything seemed so rushed. Also, the lack of actual characterisation put me off somewhat... I'd like to have known more about Andy. A little more in-dept background, maybe? Like for example, how it is that he can remember his past lives? Or even know he had past lives? And maybe more details about his surroundings... We know at the... I like the concept, very intriguing, but everything seemed so rushed.
  Also, the lack of actual characterisation put me off somewhat... I'd like to have known more about Andy. A little more in-dept background, maybe? Like for example, how it is that he can remember his past lives? Or even know he had past lives?
  And maybe more details about his surroundings... We know at the beginning he's at home and in his life as Eliza he's "being held deep inside an old ship" in a cabin but other than that, I don't know. read