Reviews of The Power of Dinner Reservations 2

• 
  A good family tale, full of character.
  A review of The Power of Dinner Reservations
  by vieira4 on 02/18/2012
  I like stories like this. A good contrast with some others on this site. Don't get me wrong - I'm perfectly partial to murder and horror, but I don't write it, and I don't think everybody should. I quite like the rambly sentence that explains why your wife is moving the chess set - so random, so many virtual parentheses! You kept the structure of this sentence very strong,... I like stories like this. A good contrast with some others on this site. Don't get me wrong - I'm perfectly partial to murder and horror, but I don't write it, and I don't think everybody should. I quite like the rambly sentence that explains why your wife is moving the chess set - so random, so many virtual parentheses! You kept the structure of this sentence very strong, and said a lot about people's lives and quirks, just by talking about their stuff. When he talks about his old boss and role as VP, I feel the 1980s come alive. The amount of information you provide is fantastic. The joke about the finger, early on page 6, made me laugh out loud! Loving the references to Egypt.
  
  I am so happy to find that this is a true story, as the dream sequence is EPIC! Should you ever get to know my work, you will spot several references to Mario Balotelli. I can't currently write a story that doesn't have him in at all. When I was on the verge of becoming fixated by the guy, I dreamed that I was in Malawi, and had left a load of stuff outdoors and gone indoors. My response? "It's OK, I'll just ask Balotelli to go and get it for me." Dreams are great, and so is this story.
  
  You have quite a few issues with sentence structure. Some of the comma placement is a bit clumsy. "When we landed at La Guardia, my wife’s brother Nicky, picked us up in his roomy, but extinct four-door Mercury Grand Marquis." - I'd put one after "extinct", but not after "Nicky". I'd put one after "Florida" in the first sentence on page 2, about Angela's injury. I'd put at least three punctuation marks in the sentence starting with, "That was 30 years ago". I would recommend asking someone to proof-read, and learning from what they tell you to do. read
• 
  Great premise here...
  A review of The Power of Dinner Reservations
  by nedford on 11/08/2011
  FIRST IMPRESSIONS: 1) I stumbled on the amazing power of dinner reservations and the remarkable effect they have on people during a recent fly-in to Manhattan to be with our son and grandson for their respective birthdays on one sepulchral weekend in October. (Way to long a sentence, but nice imagery. Also, you shift from first person to third person rather awkwardly.) 2)... FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
  1) I stumbled on the amazing power of dinner reservations and the remarkable effect they have on people during a recent fly-in to Manhattan to be with our son and grandson for their respective birthdays on one sepulchral weekend in October. (Way to long a sentence, but nice imagery. Also, you shift from first person to third person rather awkwardly.)
  
  2) When we landed at La Guardia, my wife’s brother Nicky, picked us up in his roomy, but extinct four-door Mercury Grand Marquis. (No commas needed here.)
  
  3) There’s a lot of characters to keep up with right off the bat.
  
  4) She tripped over an end table as she was carrying a chess set from the coffee table so she could take better pictures with her iPhone of the portfolio of early drawings, watercolors and limited edition prints by the legendary Indian artist M.F. Husain. (Again, the sentence runs on way too long. Try and chop these sentences up, make them more punchy.)
  
  5) (You talk about the great work and the accolades, but haven’t really even said what it is exactly they do. Lay out the foundation first.)
  
  6) …which was like thrusting a sobering sword into my virginal innocence. (You’re trying too hard.)
  
  7) It was dusty and smelly. (This is good description, short but sweet.)
  
  8) …tranquilly lounging… (Redundant)
  
  9) Now near ninety, he struggled to zip up the flies of his shorts and rise from his bed so he could greet us properly, but the struggle quickly exhausted him and he just plopped there in his bed listening as we all complimented him on how well he looked and what a great view he had. (I think if you read this aloud a few times you will recognize how wordy and run-on it is.)
  
  10) …until this final port of call. (Good)
  
  11) So pleased he was to hear we had dinner reservations that we wasn’t at all sorry… (So please WAS HE…Change WASN’T to WEREN’T)
  
  12) We then drove straightaway to the viewing in what so far was a not a terribly lively Friday night from nursing home to funeral home, but soon we’d be devouring that divine duck at Shun Lee Palace along with those piquant Sichuan cucumbers for among our cherished belongings on this trip were dinner reservations for eight at our favorite restaurant, the same eatery my old boss Fred Silverman was so fond of when he was CEO of NBC and I was his VP and special assistant. (I bet you can’t say this in just one breath.)
  
  13) The Bensonhurst funeral home is as far from 21 as life gets. (Good sentence)
  
  14) we sped to a gala evening in an emergency room in Manhattan. (Good sentence)
  
  15) “Mom, go to the Hospital For Special Surgery,” commanded our daughter… (Is the daughter a doctor? If you just say GO TO THE HOSPITAl, may work better.)
  
  16) (I don’t understand why she couldn’t have gone to the doctor when she hurt her hand? It wouldn’t have ruined her trip. You can still travel with your hand in a cast, or something similar.)
  
  17) (I’m confused why you keep talking about surgery. The doctor said have it x-rayed, and before they’ve even done that they’ve decided on surgery. What gives?)
  
  18) (This story makes no sense. What hospital doesn’t have an Emergency Room?)
  
  19) Another 30 minutes passes and a nurse brings Angela back to Egypt where we’re waiting silently like Pyramids in Tahrir Square where now our daughter and her partner have finally arrived by camel, it seemed, as they walked from where their ferry from Queens had dropped them off. (You’re trying to be too clever.)
  
  20) (That scene where they are talking about their dinner reservations with the hospital staff, that could be a really funny scene. Make all the scenes kinda like this one could be. Not only are they taking these dinner reservations so seriously, everyone else, but for some Godforsaken reason, is too. More important than anything else. More important than seeing an ailing uncle, more important than a funeral, more important than saving a hand. This could be a very funny comical current throughout the story. Think about it.)
  
  21) (The ending is good. I think you are trying to be satirical here, which I love, but there just isn’t any satire or dry wit in your story until the very end. Think about going the satirical route. Maybe after all that the dinner is bad. Something funny. Real potential here.
  
  COMMENTS
  Aside from my running comments, all I can say is that you need to work on this a lot. It’s not really about anything, but that doesn’t really matter. Adventures in the big city while just trying to get to a dinner reservation is a good premise, but there’s nothing entertaining here. You need to have something entertaining to say.
  
  Your sentences run way too long. Try saying them out loud and you’ll see what I mean.
  
  Also, way too many characters to try and keep up with.
  
  I really think this thing has potential. Reminds me of the movie “The Out of Towners.” But you need for something interesting to be happening to them while on their way to dinner. You have a very good premise here, “They are just trying to get to dinner, and why is it so damn difficult?” read