Reviews of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN 25

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  THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN - A Review
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by Michael Leath on 03/30/2013
  What I expected and what this turned out to be were pretty far off. I liked this story and thought it was gracefully done. Errors: Pg1 - This should be one sentence - Fragment If you make the wrong choice. I'll be there to ram it down your throat until you cough out a confession. Pg2 - this is possessive and needs an apostrophe lands a good one right to this guy(‘)s face... What I expected and what this turned out to be were pretty far off. I liked this story and thought it was gracefully done.
  
  Errors:
  
  Pg1 - This should be one sentence - Fragment
  If you make the wrong choice. I'll be there to ram it down your throat until you cough out a confession.
  
  Pg2 - this is possessive and needs an apostrophe
  lands a good one right to this guy(‘)s face.
  
  Pg2 - This needs to be one sentence - fragment
  Of course, I told the old bag if she hit him, again. We would have to
  
  Dresses for women come in 0,2,4,6,8,10 ect. I called home and checked before I put this in here
  
  Pg14 - misspelled Ally's name and did not capitalize
  “Quincy,” alley asked again.
  
  It appears the second half of this story is better than the first. That is not because I understood the characters, but I believe you found your voice in the last half.
  
  Nice twist.
  
  The dialog between Ally and Roger right at the beginning of the reconciliation felt a little on the nose. Would suspect she might have been more irritated and suggested, "Yeah, I might want a divorce, if you are going to continue to be an ass."
  
  Thought that was too easy how they got back together.
  
  All in all this was a clever story that was well written. A good polish and this would be outstanding
  
  Thanks for allowing me to read your work
  
  M read
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  THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by kenbarber on 02/01/2012
  Hello Jay. The story reminded me of Urban Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman playing the part of Rizzo. Maybe you are familiar with that movie or you are to young. The story line was ok but it seems to need more character development or something. In the beginning, Roger identified himself as being a tough guy, not caring about people's crap. Then he meets this stranger with a speech... Hello Jay. The story reminded me of Urban Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman playing the part of Rizzo. Maybe you are familiar with that movie or you are to young.
  
  The story line was ok but it seems to need more character development or something. In the beginning, Roger identified himself as being a tough guy, not caring about people's crap. Then he meets this stranger with a speech impediment and invites him in his home. When he makes love with his wife after 6 months of no activity and Quincy is standing in the door....It just didn't fit for me.
  
  Perhaps the story needs some unexpected twist. What is Quincy's story? How did he get like he was? How was it he knew something about Ally and Roger? Roger's partner Garrat could possibly play a bigger role.
  
  Bottom line Jay is that it didn't do it for me. To me it was ramblings from an aspiring writer. read
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  Rain Man meets Humphrey Bogart
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by nick74 on 07/16/2011
  Good story. Lots of heart. It adds so much to any story to watch a character's heart of pot metal turn into a heart of gold as it is with the case of the narrator. He goes on a true journey towards enlightenment that begs the very human question 'what would we find inside ourselves if we were to break down some of our barriers?' It seemed very much against his character to... Good story. Lots of heart. It adds so much to any story to watch a character's heart of pot metal turn into a heart of gold as it is with the case of the narrator. He goes on a true journey towards enlightenment that begs the very human question 'what would we find inside ourselves if we were to break down some of our barriers?' It seemed very much against his character to accept Quincy first into his car, then into his house, but it seemed very much in line with his understanding of his situation - and when characters, especially in a literary forum, put themselves second to their little worlds, it makes for a character-rich story. I found myself liking this narrator more and more as the story went on.
  
  Then, of course, there's Quincy, our mysterious and dark Rain Man archetype whose wisdom was hidden from view under what seemed to be a mental illness. And that, I think, lent to Ramblings its strongest element: suspense. I couldn't help but get a real uncomfortable sensation as I read from page to page, and then from paragraph to paragraph. It would have been so easy to end this story poorly (even the narrator mentioned something about an ax murderer) but you kept it at a certain, likable level that I think any audience can appreciate. And the end - nice touch.
  
  Critically, and this is more stylistic than critical, I would like to have been brought into the situations of the story with added, descriptive exposition. Your voice is nicely minimalistic and sets a great pace, but at 15 pages, perhaps, it could be expounded on. Not a criticism, just a preference.
  
  You have an interesting sentence structure that, I think, is meant to expel our narrator's character more than anything else, but at times I had to wonder if it wasn't through the need for an editor - if only a slight one. But none of this took anything away from Ramblings as a great piece of writing that is strong enough to evoke some emotion from your reader. Good job! read
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  Strong story, intriguing plot
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by W.E. Linde on 02/08/2011
  I didn’t know what to expect with this story. In all honesty, after the introduction of a hard nosed detective at the outset, I was concerned that I was in for 15 pages of clichés. That concern evaporated quickly once “Quincy” was introduced. There were two really notable strengths to your story that stood out to me. First was the way the story effortlessly evolved from... I didn’t know what to expect with this story. In all honesty, after the introduction of a hard nosed detective at the outset, I was concerned that I was in for 15 pages of clichés. That concern evaporated quickly once “Quincy” was introduced.
  
  There were two really notable strengths to your story that stood out to me. First was the way the story effortlessly evolved from what appeared to a detective story into a very interesting human drama. But the really exceptional thing was how Quincy’s ability didn’t take over the story. It fueled the tale, but it never got in the way. Very nicely done.
  
  The only real area for improvement that I might suggest is technical. There are a number of instances where the use of periods and commas is somewhat unnatural. For example, on page 1 it states “If you make the wrong choice. I'll be there to ram it down your throat until you cough out a confession. “ On page 2 “But, he had a good hold of her.” The author may have been going for a certain voice, but it comes across choppy and somewhat distracting.
  
  This story was very engaging, and I enjoyed this story quite a bit. Great job. read
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  THE RAMLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by GreatJJ on 01/05/2011
  Wow, what a great story. It was written so well, I was enrapted all the way through it. I love to read stories written by accomplished writers. I could relate to Mr. Qincey, I had a brother almost like him but not as smart or psychic. Odd man is very well fleshed out and real with no bumps to stumble over. A very good read. I was with detective Roger Grennolds all the way... Wow, what a great story. It was written so well, I was enrapted all the way through it. I love to read stories written by accomplished writers. I could relate to Mr. Qincey, I had a brother almost like him but not as smart or psychic.
  Odd man is very well fleshed out and real with no bumps to stumble over. A very good read. I was with detective Roger Grennolds all the way. Thank you for submitting the story.
  
  Jim read
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  Quincy Knows
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by mnjones on 11/07/2010
  This starts slowly. I like the short sentence, no nonsense style, but some variety forestalls monotony. I did not get the significance of Quincy's attack on the old lady, nor did I see the need for it. In fact, the story begins for me when Detective Grennolds interrogates Quincy and gets some unexpected responses. In my opinion, most ot the first 4 and a 1/2 pages could... This starts slowly. I like the short sentence, no nonsense style, but some variety forestalls monotony. I did not get the significance of Quincy's attack on the old lady, nor did I see the need for it. In fact, the story begins for me when Detective Grennolds interrogates Quincy and gets some unexpected responses. In my opinion, most ot the first 4 and a 1/2 pages could be cut without losing a charming story. I don't know about the detective inviting Quincy to pick out the dress, but I followed the story with interest and thought it was clever and original. Nice job.
  
  Check comma use, a few awkward sentences, and some confusion of tenses. read
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  whose mad?
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by djburke on 10/23/2010
  This story tells of a hard cop who has neglected his family life. He meets a nutter who seems to have insight into his life. I liked the writing style and it was engaging in that I cared what happened to the cop and his wife. I would have liked to know more about the nutter, where he came from had this happened before, why he fixated on the cop. I thought it ended prematurely...
  This story tells of a hard cop who has neglected his family life. He meets a nutter who seems to have insight into his life.
  
  I liked the writing style and it was engaging in that I cared what happened to the cop and his wife. I would have liked to know more about the nutter, where he came from had this happened before, why he fixated on the cop.
  
  I thought it ended prematurely.
  
  So this has potential to be a good piece but needs a bit more fleshing out.
  read
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  Nice start. Some suggestions.
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/14/2009
  Overall: Curious story that is just shy of being poetic. The mysterious involvement of a strange man into the lives of the detective and his wife brings about change but the ending seemed abrupt and the premise of the story also seems to be hidden. Opening: In the first paragraph you firmly established your character, Roger. However the anecdote about the asparagus is meant... Overall: Curious story that is just shy of being poetic. The mysterious involvement of a strange man into the lives of the detective and his wife brings about change but the ending seemed abrupt and the premise of the story also seems to be hidden.
  
  Opening: In the first paragraph you firmly established your character, Roger. However the anecdote about the asparagus is meant to be provide context about Roger, but it didn’t seem to further the plot or provide profound insight about him. It therefore seemed extraneous. You could probably lose that section and not sacrifice the focus of the story.
  
  Characters: In a very short piece, you brought Roger’s character to life rather vividly. I would have liked to learn a bit more back story as to how he drifted apart from his wife. As a character, she seemed to be almost marginal in importance compared to Roger and Quincy. I think it could be better balanced to flesh out her character thoughts and motivations. Both Roger and Ally were rather passive characters in the story, with the odd character Quincy being the one to catalyze change for the two of them to reconnect.
  
  Dialog: Very natural sounding and well written.
  
  Plot: With a slow start that could use some tightening and an abrupt ending, I think you may want to visit the overall pacing of the story as well as craft your next draft with a more pronounced premise for your audience to take away.
  
  Description: The passages were highly narrative and not as descriptive. You may want to watercolor a bit more on the scenes and the mood of the story to help your reader become more immersed in the story.
  
  Ending: For me it was rather abrupt, as if you wrote up to a certain point and then wanted to end the story quickly with out any sort of denouement. Why does Quincy Nadler announce himself to be Quincy Adams? Then after he announced his identity and left the room, Roger and Ally seemed to dismiss this bit of information so they can get back to having sex. What happens next? Does Quincy continue to live with Roger and Ally? In some ways, this story’s structure appears to be a slice-of-life narrative but I think wrapping the end up will make it more fulfilling to the reader.
  
  Nice start. Good luck with the rewrites.
  
  Notes
  Page 7 / until I seen Nadler s/b until I had seen Nadler
  Page 9 / “I’m sure of it, she snapped.” Watch punctuation.
  Page 13 / your damn right s/b you’re damn right
  
  read
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  Great ramblings!
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by lizzayn on 08/14/2009
  I found The Ramblings of an Odd Man to be a wonderful, quirky read. It is well written and you definitely have a voice of your own as a writer. I only have two issues with the story. First, your writing style is very choppy. It isn't the issue, just a statement. The problem is that you tend to have quite a few sentence fragments because of the choppy style. You write... I found The Ramblings of an Odd Man to be a wonderful, quirky read. It is well written and you definitely have a voice of your own as a writer. I only have two issues with the story. First, your writing style is very choppy. It isn't the issue, just a statement. The problem is that you tend to have quite a few sentence fragments because of the choppy style. You write so well that the fragments really stand out. For example on page 1 you write "If you make the wrong choice. I'll be there to ram it down your throat until you cough out a confession." "If you make the wrong choice." is a fragment. It takes away from an otherwise fantastic story. The other issue is a minor one. A line of dialogue said by the women whose purse is stolen doesn't work for me. "He's down in Durham. Going to Duke he is.” Leave off the "he is." It makes her sound like Yoda. Other than that, the dialogue is spot on and very natural. Great job. I look forward to reading more of your work. read
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  BrokenCop FixedCop
  A review of THE RAMBLINGS OF AN ODD MAN
  by cineman5design on 08/10/2009
  I enjoyed your story a lot. I thought it was very original. I noticed some spelling and grammar errors the spell checker may have missed because it could interpret both ways. I depend heavily on spell checker and since I don't have one in this setting, I am sure may ramblings are full of funk. I felt that in the beginning of the story you developed your main character... I enjoyed your story a lot. I thought it was very original.
  
  I noticed some spelling and grammar errors the spell checker may have missed because it could interpret both ways. I depend heavily on spell checker and since I don't have one in this setting, I am sure may ramblings are full of funk.
  
  I felt that in the beginning of the story you developed your main character quite well. The stories of his past were both interesting and amusing.
  
  The appearance of the rambler is both believable and interesting. The scenario was painted well.
  
  I think you should consider more development on the paragragh where you reveal that the cop is understanding that the rambler is talking about his wife. The wording threw me off and I had to read it twice.
  
  The story after that is fluid. I especially love the Reservation character making him say please over the phone. That would have trully pissed me off! That would call for a pistol whipping for sure!
  
  Then we end up at the dress store. You seem like you have quite the sense of humor. I think you should think of something the check out lady does or says in reaction to the wierdo psychic that would make the reader laugh. Imagine some prissy old lady working in a vanity dress store and some bum comes in with a buddy detective of all things and starts calling out her inventory expecting her to get off her arse and dig through the back and find what she knows is not there! I wouldn't make her nice, I would make her pissed and confused and whatever else you can think of. Good time to entertain.
  
  The rest of the story is good. I am trying to find out why he would want them to name their kid after him. I guess that is just the last bit of creepiness in the story.
  
  Thoroughly enjoyed your story. Right down my alley of stories. I can't wait to read more. read