Reviews of The Secrets We Don't Say 25

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  Lust and the Stranger
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 06/24/2012
  Janelle Burmaster's short story "The Secrets We Don't Say" concerns a woman distraught over a fight with a roommate; she chances upon a therapist of sorts in the park and falls in lust with her. That the woman seeks counsel from a total stranger seems a bit contrived; by the end of the story we want her to live in the moment (and kiss the stranger) rather than figure out how... Janelle Burmaster's short story "The Secrets We Don't Say" concerns a woman distraught over a fight with a roommate; she chances upon a therapist of sorts in the park and falls in lust with her. That the woman seeks counsel from a total stranger seems a bit contrived; by the end of the story we want her to live in the moment (and kiss the stranger) rather than figure out how to reconcile with her roommate. As for the title I suppose it has something to do with the lesbian creed of restraint in matters romantic? Burmaster anyway does a fine job of propelling the action and keeping the story together-- a few cliches barely dint the flowing prose. Overall, the love affair gets skewed by the author's insistance on tidying up the brouhaha with the roommate, which by the end of the story is of no consequence; by then the reader hopes the two women will leave their paltry pasts behind and elope. read
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  Tell me your secrets, and I'll tell you mine
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by mpet on 01/28/2012
  This was an oddly erotic encounter for both your lead character and myself. A very engaging story that left me curious and wanting. We've all had those experiences where we meet someone who seems to be so together, seems to have it all figured out. And we imagine meeting that person will change our lives. Be the answer to all our problems. How wonderful to find that person... This was an oddly erotic encounter for both your lead character and myself. A very engaging story that left me curious and wanting.
  
  We've all had those experiences where we meet someone who seems to be so together, seems to have it all figured out. And we imagine meeting that person will change our lives. Be the answer to all our problems. How wonderful to find that person is ultimately as flawed as we are.
  
  This is an experience everyone can relate to on some level and the depth between these two characters is inspiring. As far as character goes, in its simplist form, in the most basic of human conditions, you've nailed it.
  
  The playground is the perfect setting for these women-not too long out of adolesence- to come back to the basic emotions of childhood while they contemplate their lives as they have evolved.
  
  Your story provides just enough while not taking it too far. It was a wise choice ending the encounter exactly where you did, leaving your character and reader wanting, and at the same time gaining so much. Well done read
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  The Secrets We Don't Say
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by YeahHi on 11/05/2010
  I like the concept of this and the mysterious and beautiful character than comes into the narrator’s life. The story works best when there is sexual tension and the possibility of it going somewhere. The narrator undercut the suspense and the sexual tension by frequently telling me what was going to happen: -- “Signaled to my brain that I wasn’t going to leave that... I like the concept of this and the mysterious and beautiful character than comes into the narrator’s life. The story works best when there is sexual tension and the possibility of it going somewhere.
  
  The narrator undercut the suspense and the sexual tension by frequently telling me what was going to happen:
  -- “Signaled to my brain that I wasn’t going to leave that bench any time soon. The feeling her presence brought on would force me to stay seated there at all costs.”
  -- “I came to know in the hours we would spend together that this was a girl who lived every moment in the moment.”
  -- “But I knew that I would be making no moves tonight.”
  
  How does she/he know this: “She was a mix of Spanish and Italian…”?
  
  This would be better shown, rather than told. I’m not engaged in the story if I’m not witnessing it.
  -- “In between she went from the morose and sullen body that had flopped on to the park bench next to me, to a bright and funny girl who spoke in a way that never masked her intelligence while still making me feel as though I had something to offer. She bated and directed the conversation to places I was comfortable going. It was almost as if she could see in to my mind.”
  
  “It was a familiar tale written over the centuries in poems and songs, in stories and books.” Why are you writing about it then? What’s new here, if Olivia’s backstory can be dismissed this way?
  
  I think you’ve got a great situation and characters but the mystery and tension are undermined by the narrator’s exposition.
  
  I liked the ending.
  
  Best of luck with it,
  Shauna read
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  madarlin
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by madarlin on 07/17/2009
  First of all I couldn't figure out who was telling the story. Then I couldn't figure out if it was two females, or two males, or one female and one male. I kept re-reading to see if I had over-looked something. Lots of adjectives, nice but noticeable. It was a cute, sort of empty story, although I liked it. The ending was "Happy Trails To You." Sort of like Gene Autrey... First of all I couldn't figure out who was telling the story. Then I couldn't figure out if it was two females, or two males, or one female and one male. I kept re-reading to see if I had over-looked something. Lots of adjectives, nice but noticeable. It was a cute, sort of empty story, although I liked it. The ending was "Happy Trails To You." Sort of like Gene Autrey waving good-by on his rearing horse on a hillside in the distance.
  Thanks for sharing and good luck. read
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  What Was Left Unsaid
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by Kathie Pretzel on 06/21/2009
  What was left unsaid in The Secrets We Don’t Say was just as interesting to me as what was said in your story. I found it very interesting that the story was told from the perspective of someone who was not described, named or even expressly stated as male or female. I made the assumption that the person on the park bench was female until I was near the end of the story,... What was left unsaid in The Secrets We Don’t Say was just as interesting to me as what was said in your story. I found it very interesting that the story was told from the perspective of someone who was not described, named or even expressly stated as male or female.
  
  I made the assumption that the person on the park bench was female until I was near the end of the story, but by that time it really didn’t matter one way or the other. The surreal nature of Olivia’s character was captivating.
  
  The dialog was is written and I enjoyed the description of the setting. I like being able to put myself into a story as an observer and was able to do that easily. I did notice your use of “I finished” on page 4 to be unnecessary. Is understood by the flow of the conversation. I suggest you consider removing it.
  
  All and all I found it to be an interesting concept which kept me wondering, and that’s a good thing. Thanks for sharing your work.
  
  Kathie read
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  The Secrets We Don’t Say – Into the Wind
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by mwiings on 06/16/2009
  This is a heart-warming story that is quiet well told. The power of a stranger being able to help us let our baggage carry into the wind and give us a clean slate to do what needs to be done. Your descriptions are in depth without being over board and the dialogue is very good. The only concern I have is that on page 3, the man on the park bench claims that in the hours to... This is a heart-warming story that is quiet well told. The power of a stranger being able to help us let our baggage carry into the wind and give us a clean slate to do what needs to be done. Your descriptions are in depth without being over board and the dialogue is very good. The only concern I have is that on page 3, the man on the park bench claims that in the hours to come he finds out that Olivia lives her life on the edge and I am not sure her nature to fall in love multiple times a day comes through in the single meeting that we, the reader is privy to; especially as with the ending the way it is, we assume they will not meet each other ever. Perhaps it should be at the end as he walks back to the shared flat as he reflects on her and not necessarily their conversation, sort of him being able to let go of her and not allowing her to become an obsession to him that he needs to purse. I love the sexual tension that he is experiencing mixed with the playful nature of being on the swings. The true gem of this story for me though is that although there is an attraction that we can assume is mutual, that’s not what we need and its not a line that our characters cross which makes this ‘midnight’ encounter more heartfelt. Well done. read
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  inspired
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by sevgirlswme on 06/10/2009
  I would like to say that you have changed my perspective on romance if that what the category is I would probably classify it under philosophy and love. Yet the way you use adjectives doesn’t overwhelm the story. It brings me deeper into it. You don’t concentrate on any certain words or ways of thought. Random ideas appear in the story that make me shake my head and think... I would like to say that you have changed my perspective on romance if that what the category is I would probably classify it under philosophy and love. Yet the way you use adjectives doesn’t overwhelm the story. It brings me deeper into it. You don’t concentrate on any certain words or ways of thought. Random ideas appear in the story that make me shake my head and think wow how did that happen and where did it come from.
  
  I was truly inspired by your story. read
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  Spice it up a notch
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by VictorFiction on 06/09/2009
  To begin, this story tells a very tired tale. That said, it gains some redemption by a few brief images that keep it from feeling totally contrived (mainly the her toes, her jacket, the smells and tastes). I like Olivia's physical descriptions for the most part, but you could stand to loose the directness with which you explain her 'spunk'. Also, take your time with the conversations,... To begin, this story tells a very tired tale. That said, it gains some redemption by a few brief images that keep it from feeling totally contrived (mainly the her toes, her jacket, the smells and tastes). I like Olivia's physical descriptions for the most part, but you could stand to loose the directness with which you explain her 'spunk'. Also, take your time with the conversations, you blow right through them and nothing said by either character seems particularly unique or defining. In addition to that, we need to know more history, particularly about the protagonist who is shapeless and formless except for the fact that we know he is relatively nieve and has seemingly little relationship experience. While all the elements of a story are here I am left asking to know more about these people. What is so special about her being spunky? It hasn't reached the level of believability it needs and it can be done, but it needs to be further developed before it gets there. read
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  The secrets we don't say
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by justintagg on 06/09/2009
  I was in the bizarre position of accidentally seeing the first line of a review for this piece on the short story home page just before reading and it really threw me. Why? Because the review had suggested that the main character in this piece was male... And yet I cannot get the feeling out of my mind that the character is female (this is not a literary fantasy of mine!)... I was in the bizarre position of accidentally seeing the first line of a review for this piece on the short story home page just before reading and it really threw me. Why? Because the review had suggested that the main character in this piece was male...
  
  And yet I cannot get the feeling out of my mind that the character is female (this is not a literary fantasy of mine!). I particularly like the fact that I cannot tell you why. I could try but may stoop to picking out information from the story I had not registered at the time to back up my claim. Either way I felt the character was female from word one and I am interested to know the truth!
  
  The writing style of this piece was very polished though I think it is important that contradictory occurrences of vocab are picked up on before submission.
  
  Olivia was referred to as sexy and not sexy in the same story. I totally understand where this comes from though. We have all met people who have a strange appeal, not conventionally attractive when you look close but that is just the point, you don't look close when you are intoxicated by a person's energy. I would guess that Olivia could appear supremely sexy whilst, upon reflection, the individual parts of her would not. Perhaps a different choice of words would prevent this from sticking out so much?
  
  Being a slice of life made this story a little harder to critique on the quality of the story overall as I feel it negates the same need for a formal narrative structure.
  
  However, even in this instance I feel that there was scope for a different way of revealing Olivia's history and, in fact, I can see that this story could take on a life of it's own if, rather than being a vehicle for multiple exposition, the characters were implicated in a more visceral story which pushed them both into circumstances in which truths about their character could be revealed in more authentic circumstances. Exposition is rarely more powerful than when revealed at the right time as opposed to any time.
  
  There is something about letting Olivia walk away which acts as a metaphor for the writing of this story and whilst I know people hate to hear 'show don't tell' I feel that in making the choice to let Olivia walk away we learn a little about the decision to allow the story to walk away too.
  
  I suppose what I am getting at is this, it was all a little too easy. There was nothing at stake. The writing was nice, the images created were haunting at times and I fell into the moment but not quite deep enough, something kept me a little too close to the surface.
  
  Take this example of a real life event a friend went through.
  
  A few years ago she moved away to another country, she had a boyfriend in the UK but met somebody she cared for deeply whilst abroad.
  
  That person also had a partner and, unbeknown to my friend at the time, was due to become a father.
  
  Shortly after meeting each other, within days, they ended up bumping into each other in the same spot, up a hill, which they went too to clear their minds. They spent the whole night sat on the roof of a battered old BMW, talking, getting to know little bits of information about each other but not REALLY learning about their situations at home.
  
  They fell in love and yet when given the choice to leave the night without even a kiss or to follow their primal desires they made the choice to walk away. They had a definite decision to make which paired two valuable possibilities against each other. They had something to lose on both sides. The night, as described by my friend, was racked with tension the whole time.
  
  The stories are similar, both have characters who found something they needed in each other in a short space of time but one story gives up everything about it's characters too easily in my opinion.
  
  Don't get me wrong, exposition is imporant and revealing it is a vital job of a writer. I find it gives me a headache sometimes.
  
  Once again, I did enjoy this story and I hope you forgive the elaboration on my part. Sometimes I find a story provides a more valuable metaphor for what I'm trying to say than merely the words on their own.
  
  Either way, these moments in life are often the ones we keep forever.
  
  Best of luck and thanks for sharing. read
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  Lola
  A review of The Secrets We Don't Say
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 06/07/2009
  I think this is a very well written story and the author obviously quite some talent. The scene setting, pace and dialogue are all strong and it's a very smooth, enjoyable read. I'm not sure what's going on with the subtle references to the masculinity of the girl. I'm presuming at the end that she's a guy, but it doesn't feel important - and that may well be the intention... I think this is a very well written story and the author obviously quite some talent. The scene setting, pace and dialogue are all strong and it's a very smooth, enjoyable read.
  
  I'm not sure what's going on with the subtle references to the masculinity of the girl. I'm presuming at the end that she's a guy, but it doesn't feel important - and that may well be the intention. It's a pure, emotive stroll and gentle to read.
  
  Technically, there's a paragraph towards the start of the story that doesn't feel right. It leaps ahead, out of rhythm to the narrative, and I guess the 'show, don't tell' rule applies.
  
  Really enjoyed this, though. Definitely want to read more from you.
  
  I came to know in the hours we would spend together that this was a girl who
  lived every moment in the moment. read