Reviews of The Sown 16

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  Strong sci-fi horror story
  A review of The Sown
  by karlasbryant on 05/08/2012
  Very strong, tautly written sci-fi horror story by a talented writer who clearly knows the genre. The protagonist. Commander Gentry, is a focused character, though if there was some kind of information on his background--his personal life--it would have added more depth to him. Being the only character in the story, his evolving thoughts and investigative actions are responsible... Very strong, tautly written sci-fi horror story by a talented writer who clearly knows the genre.
  
  The protagonist. Commander Gentry, is a focused character, though if there was some kind of information on his background--his personal life--it would have added more depth to him. Being the only character in the story, his evolving thoughts and investigative actions are responsible for the reader's perception of the unfolding of events. The pace of the story builds steady suspense, though the first ten pages could be edited to make it a little tighter. At times, the amount of detail began to make things drag a bit.
  
  Ultimately, the horror of Gentry's realization that he himself is compromised was deftly handled. Between the spaceship boiler room and the organic parasite, there were unavoidable echoes of Alien. Still, the story has strength of its own.
  
  Well done! I'd like to see this writer, so talented in the sci-fi genre, develop a bigger project. read
• 
  A very good read...
  A review of The Sown
  by f-ceska on 08/22/2011
  Concept: an original sci-fi tale that reminded me slightly of the first ‘Alien’ film, but which had a unique and thoroughly interesting spin on it. Story: Well told, well developed and just the right pace, building to a tense and absorbing climax. The story flows and is easy to read. Character: Gentry is completely believable and fully-rounded – you can feel his emotions... Concept: an original sci-fi tale that reminded me slightly of the first ‘Alien’ film, but which had a unique and thoroughly interesting spin on it.
  
  Story: Well told, well developed and just the right pace, building to a tense and absorbing climax. The story flows and is easy to read.
  
  Character: Gentry is completely believable and fully-rounded – you can feel his emotions as they shift and change to the point where you can almost taste his fear at the realisation of his own impending annihilation.
  
  Dialogue: There wasn't much but it was just what was required. No more. No less.
  
  Execution: Masterful prose. Extremely well written. Great vocabulary. Evocative, suspenseful, atmospheric.
  
  Overall: What are you doing on a peer review site? This story should be published. It’s highly professional and very compelling reading. I'm giving you excellent in all categories because I can't think of any way to improve it.
  
  Notes:
  The only typo I noticed was the following (at least, I presume you mean the latter verb?)
  
  p.23 loose = lose?
  
  Good luck and all the best.
  On to another one of yours I’ve just been assigned.
  Can’t wait!! read
• 
  The seed is planted
  A review of The Sown
  by Adam Greven on 08/18/2011
  One of these days one of these poor bastards is going to wake up from hyper-sleep, feel rested, perky, and go do his job without incident. Although the day that happens we won't be interested in the story and could care less that someone had a successful journey into deep space. The Sown brought back memories of Pandorum and Event Horizon. Having loved both of those movies... One of these days one of these poor bastards is going to wake up from hyper-sleep, feel rested, perky, and go do his job without incident. Although the day that happens we won't be interested in the story and could care less that someone had a successful journey into deep space. The Sown brought back memories of Pandorum and Event Horizon. Having loved both of those movies and that spectrum of thought I was really looking forward to reading the rest of the story the second I finished page one.
  All of this being said I have to admit this wasn't my favorite science fiction tale by Nick Keller, I definitely swing more to the tale of Dr. Tower's Babel. But this is still a story worth the read. In this story we have the creepy ship governed by an emotionless AI. Definite scary factors and a well written spooky environment. To have a man going through a transformation, deducing that something has spawned from his friend only to also find out the seed has already been Sown in him as well. A nerd moment here: I really liked the travel rate being called C plus, C being the symbol for light in E=MC2, and plus meaning faster than light or FTL. Sorry I had to bring that up, its those little details that always sets your stories apart from the norm.
  My biggest criticism is the lack of connection with Gentry. In all of your other stories there is always plenty of background and personal feelings attached to your characters, but here we don't really see that. I know we would feel more horror and sadness if we knew more about Gentry himself. Maybe even a hint of wanting to set himself apart, maybe why hes a loner, that adds a bit of a sick twist as to why he kind of embraces this change. And even though he is scared of what he will look like or having to look at Willis the change itself doesn't really scare him.
  Overall I think this is a good start and definitely worth working on. read
• 
  If Ripley Had A Dream It Would Be This Story.
  A review of The Sown
  by Osslander on 02/04/2011
  While reading this short story i kept thinking of the movie Alien. I kept not wanting to see this movie in this short story but too many references kept coming up. The image of the "egg", Gentry's dream, the description of the ship they were on was very much like the "Nostromo." Step away from the movie, the short story is not exactly Alien but just too much like it. if... While reading this short story i kept thinking of the movie Alien. I kept not wanting to see this movie in this short story but too many references kept coming up. The image of the "egg", Gentry's dream, the description of the ship they were on was very much like the "Nostromo."
  Step away from the movie, the short story is not exactly Alien but just too much like it. if Ripley had a nightmare it would have been this story. read
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  the sown (solardae)
  A review of The Sown
  by solardae on 02/04/2011
  overall, a very good story. you have a very nice grasp of science fiction, although there are certain nuances that i feel need to be addressed: your use of words for one, a bit overzealous at certain points, but i understand the need to sound creatively intelligent. you don't need to, however, you've an excellent grasp of writing. my second would be the description of the... overall, a very good story. you have a very nice grasp of science fiction, although there are certain nuances that i feel need to be addressed:
  
  your use of words for one, a bit overzealous at certain points, but i understand the need to sound creatively intelligent. you don't need to, however, you've an excellent grasp of writing.
  
  my second would be the description of the seed (pregnancy) in the beginning...and being that it is a fungus in the end.
  
  i would suggest rewriting your initial dream sequence, omitting terms that imply pregnancy, seed, womb, etc. focus on things that make a dream murky, befuddled, heavy, things that could pertain to what becomes of Gentry. keep the reader guessing!
  
  below are simply suggestions and notes i made:
  
  Pg1 “…requiring something else to join with…” & “It needed something other than itself…” is pretty much the same thing, as is “It was invasive, sneaky…” & “A presence, shifty and elusive…”Be expressive, not redundant.
  When you reference Man are you referencing Mankind? Or the male gender? There’s a difference.
  Try “Each breath was like swallowing razor blades…” versus “ Each breath was a razor blade.”
  “slicing” versus “slithering…” you’ve just referenced razor blades, and razor blades don’t slither.
  Don’t use “sensation of pregnancy…” no man on earth has a “sensation of pregnancy…” use something like “a strange heaviness in his gut…”
  Pg4 “His sleep was a fog wrapped in a mist…” – fog and mist are descriptively speaking, the same thing.
  “effluvium” – nice word, but not here. Use something describing the emotion being felt... perhaps “His sleep was like a heavy fog that smothered the desperations of a mind clambering to reach the surface…”
  “a patient desperation always brightened the dark…” – sounds odd; it suggests someone else is there who has a thing for seeing patients in pain. It’s also fragmentary, and “patient” should be “patient’s…”
  “proffered” – again, nice word, but not here. “produced…” works far better.
  “unexplainable impregnation…” don’t use that term, use something else so the reader doesn’t know what’s going on.
  Pg5-9 Very nice. Flows smoothly, with a keen sense of scientific descriptions.
  Pg10 “no one had even interrupted the maintenance schemas…” – schemas, meaning diagrams, seems out of place here. To be interrupted means these diagrams were physically doing something. If the ship is automated, then the maintenance system should be doing the checks already. Perhaps: “They checked out perfectly, immaculately. But the maintenance system was a different story. No one had checked the auto-maintenance schemas that covered the daily structural upkeep of the ship. Nearly a dozen logs, each covering vital ship elements such as interior pressurization and hull perforations by interstellar debris had not been accessed since departure. That was Willis’ initial task…”
  Pg15 VERY NICE!
  Pg16 lose the “was it man?” part.
  Pg19 “He barked out accidentally, caught himself and had to regain his composure double-checking the buzzing environment” – sounds out of place considering your writing style. Perhaps: “He barked out accidentally, catching his balance and composure a moment afterwards, then nervously double-checked his surrounding environment…”
  Pg20 “…became a sweating profuse.” – profuse (adjective) is not used correctly here. I know what you’re going for, but in this case simple is better. Perhaps: “…became drenched with sweat.”
  “Still he moved forward (comma) picking his way around machinery with (the) internal throes of automated activity.”
  Pg21 “Some coolant system purged its surplus pressure in a wailing, hissing groan…” – wailing and groan are opposite sounds. Perhaps: “A coolant system, probably the outward lines feeding the upper decks, had purged its surplus in a hissing wail.
  Pg23 lose versus loose
  “His pace (omit had) quickened, (becoming) an irrational motion…”
  Pg24 “…dropping his staple, human parts…” – that sounds odd, being that staple is used incorrectly here. Perhaps: “But here he’d stood only hours ago , organs spilling out of his body. Gentry screamed…”
  “He stumbled in a circle, and then found himself staring into the pile (of gruesome human parts.)”
  “What a sick predator! A seed…” – too abrupt, seems out of place. Have him convulse then dream, then he shakes it off.
  
  if you have any questions, hit me up at my yahoo account (solardae)
  
  =) read
• 
  Masterful!
  A review of The Sown
  by cc chayce on 02/02/2011
  This is a fantastic example of how to slowly but steadily raise tension. The Sown starts with the relatively mundane act of awakening, and rises masterfully to a screaming climax over the course of 28 pages. Somehow, you make it feel like 8 pages. There’s not a moment of tedium as the reader is with the Commander every step of the way, slowly becoming more tense with each new... This is a fantastic example of how to slowly but steadily raise tension. The Sown starts with the relatively mundane act of awakening, and rises masterfully to a screaming climax over the course of 28 pages. Somehow, you make it feel like 8 pages. There’s not a moment of tedium as the reader is with the Commander every step of the way, slowly becoming more tense with each new phase.
  
  You also have an exceptional grasp of how to “show, don’t tell”. Instead of saying “he was getting more and more nervous”, you let the reader know by how firmly the gun is situated in his grasp; from “firm and hard”, slowly becoming more and more slack until, inevitably, “the gun fell”. Brilliant technique.
  
  In a similar vein, I was impressed with how certain sudden images were placed to denote the end and beginning of each consecutive “act”, as the fear factor would shoot up to the next levels (eg: “No, Sir, you are not alone”, “Vomit… old vomit”, etc.)
  
  You definitely know how to craft an intriguing tale, Nick. I greatly look forward to reading your other efforts. read
• 
  The Sown *Review
  A review of The Sown
  by olavay on 01/07/2011
  Well, first let me say your style of writing is highly eclectic. I found the flow reminiscent of a soul from the 60's chic era. Being a huge sci-fi fan and Trekkie...I was definitely ready for a good read. The beginning started out sound, but it began to feel like I was on a ship I couldn't get off from. I suspect Commander Gentry had some bad food and went to sleep on... Well, first let me say your style of writing is highly eclectic. I found the flow reminiscent of a soul from the 60's chic era.
  
  Being a huge sci-fi fan and Trekkie...I was definitely ready for a good read.
  
  The beginning started out sound, but it began to feel like I was on a ship I couldn't get off from. I suspect Commander Gentry had some bad food and went to sleep on it.
  
  With the constant up and down of shifting of the storyteller's mode of speaking I felt nausea, like I was trapped on the ship with him.
  
  That's a huge compliment to your ability to create the surreal and empathic. It reminded me of a remake of "Alien" the male version.
  
  Thank you and good luck. read
• 
  fungus amongus
  A review of The Sown
  by chessaol on 12/23/2010
  The story is about space travel and the awakening of the crew… The storyline is straight and true with no lapses or pauses. There is a steady progression toward a distant conclusion and we never waiver from that goal. When we get there it is somewhat anticipated which lessens the dramatic impact. The writing style is rich and verbal with intense descriptions of everything... The story is about space travel and the awakening of the crew…
  The storyline is straight and true with no lapses or pauses. There is a steady progression toward a distant conclusion and we never waiver from that goal. When we get there it is somewhat anticipated which lessens the dramatic impact.
  The writing style is rich and verbal with intense descriptions of everything in on and around the participants of the story until the reader is overwhelmed. I like richness in writing but double, triple and quadruple repeating of a description in every way the author can imagine isn’t richness it is redundancy. IE: “…more lifeless than living, more dead than animate…”
  
  The storyline is good and begins with a wakeup, which is redundant endlessly. The story really doesn’t begin until the crewman takes 12 pages to wake up. The concept, which fills page one, is excellent in concept but redundant in the telling. I applaud the concept but brevity is needed in the execution of the story.
  
  The author is impressed with his ability to use a thesaurus and then uses everything he finds there apparently. IE: “The flush tubes opened and the Amniotic mucilage expiated like a toilet, down the rubbery throat, through the ship’s removal system and into space.
  Nobody talks like this and besides they wouldn’t have enough breath. Cut the sentences down to useable sizes and delete about half of the verbiage.
  
  BPM = beats per minute. Abbreviations should not be used as an introduction to a subject. Use Beats per minute first and later BPM will be permissible.
  Another example of double kill of a simple idea and descriptively incorrect. IE: “…submerged in the tentacles of manufactured death…”
  
  page 15, No sir you are not alone.
  The computer blasts the crewman with this gem and he is to stupid to ask what else is here but goes all over the ship searching. Later he gets the bright idea to ask the question and is directed to the correct area. Then he gets the flash to ask what is the other being and gets the defining answer. This entire segment does not work!
  
  p18, IE:…more lifeless than living, more dead than animate.”
  This is more double-speak without single thought.
  Analysis = more lifeless than living is good and the ideas are compatible.
  = More dead than animate. This doesn’t compute, dead is without life not without movement, if a double clutch is needed make sure the two stated elements are associated with each other. These are not.
  
  It is not my job to be a copy editor for the author but there are enough examples to help improve the story. Did I like the story? Yes.
  The concept was clever but the storytelling was overly clever not overly bruilliant. read
• 
  Infected...
  A review of The Sown
  by Cenydd Ros on 12/21/2010
  This reads very fast. Short sentences, and I think these are a great way to write - they create such a smooth flow. The language is impressive (envy) - beautiful wording here. I struggle with word assemblage when I write - this thing borders on poetic. Your twenty-seven pages reads faster and easier that a good many five page stories I've read. This is essential for dealoping... This reads very fast. Short sentences, and I think these are a great way to write - they create such a smooth flow. The language is impressive (envy) - beautiful wording here. I struggle with word assemblage when I write - this thing borders on poetic. Your twenty-seven pages reads faster and easier that a good many five page stories I've read. This is essential for dealoping a readership.
  
  Fantastic realization of a return from suspended animation - I thought this a really good twist on the usual of people just waking up. This was much more realistic.
  
  Again, heavy of the use of starting sentences with But - some of these work very good, and I would leave them in, but on page fourteen you have two in the same paragraph. Might want to edit that. Overall the grammar seems correct. maybe a few missing commas, but nothing that stands out. Nice and clean.
  
  I spotted a few of sentence starting with And - this works as a style type, but And is really not needed here. (P. 17, three on p. 21, P. 24, two on P. 25, P. 27). I think this story would be even better without these.
  
  “No, sir, you are not alone.” doh! something you most definitely do not want to hear when there is only supposed to be one other crew member, and that person is not on board. This is where the fun begins.
  
  "As if attuned to the human’s emotional state,
  empathetic to his situation, COP whispered back," - that is really good, very smart writing.
  
  Reminded me a little of Alien and Stephen R. Donaldson's Gap series. Although, I did find this to be highly original, and very well constructed.
  
  I really enjoyed this piece, and I think it is pretty much a perfect story, requiring no real changes - maybe very minor grammar edits. Excellent, and thank you for sharing it. read
• 
  The Sown
  A review of The Sown
  by GreatJJ on 12/19/2010
  Nick, Where did all those words come from? You told a great story using a lot of vocabulary and keeping the story moving at a pace that was evident you were controlling. I sure wish I had that capability. Your writing put me into the story right away and I couldn't escape. Even when my eyes were bleeding and I wanted to find an incubator. lol It is always a pleasure to read... Nick, Where did all those words come from? You told a great story using a lot of vocabulary and keeping the story moving at a pace that was evident you were controlling. I sure wish I had that capability. Your writing put me into the story right away and I couldn't escape. Even when my eyes were bleeding and I wanted to find an incubator. lol
  It is always a pleasure to read your stuff.
  
  mr. savage read