Reviews of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage 16

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  Dogged by Death and Divorce
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by CJForster on 08/06/2011
  While many stories deal with new beginnings, this one is exclusively about the opposite: endings. The author, in dealing with death and divorce, is bringing to the readers' attention the shared nature of these two events; events which so permeate our lives. Only a lucky few have never had to experience the trauma of seeing life slip away from a body and love from a marriage... While many stories deal with new beginnings, this one is exclusively about the opposite: endings. The author, in dealing with death and divorce, is bringing to the readers' attention the shared nature of these two events; events which so permeate our lives. Only a lucky few have never had to experience the trauma of seeing life slip away from a body and love from a marriage. As such, the story tackles a subject the majority of people can empathize with directly.
  
  "Wreckage" has many positive points to it. The description of the hurt dog scrambling for safety on the interstate can be extremely moving at times, as is the scene when Tucker resolves to take euthanasia into his own hands. However, in a few areas, descriptive elements tend to repeat themselves. The gamut of imagery seems quite narrow at times and repetition jars against the readers' ear, without adding to the tragedy unfolding. The most salient example is the use of the word "Audi" to describe the car. It appears no less than 6 times across 9.5 pages, sometimes in quick succession. Product placement is beneficial if you're getting paid; otherwise, it only loses your audience. I'd recommend varying your vocabulary. This is true across the text, where too many words and images are recycled in such a short space of time. I'll list a few I caught at the end of this review.
  
  At the heart of the tale is the tense relationship between Tucker and Carly, and how they have to come together one last time to deal with a dying animal. This situation is bursting with potential for conflict, which is the engine of any good story. In fact, there are three potential moments of tension, each larger than the last, that could have really brought to life your two protagonists - since it is the relationship between these two that is the central dynamic. Unfortunately, they are not maximized. The pair are minimally engaged and moments of conflict pass by in the night, much like the cars on the highway.
  
  In a general rethink of the structure of tension, I would focus on the following "three act" approach:
  1) The conflict between T&C when they hit the dog - their relationship is (or should be) at boiling point; they haven't spoken in two hours, probably because of an argument, and they're off to see the lawyers the next day; if they're mad at each other, this is the perfect spark to reignite their animosity; the interesting angle comes from the fact that two people who cannot stand each other now have to cooperate, the last thing they want to do, to save the dog.
  2) The conflict between T&C when they have to make a decision - the pair both assume they are going to take the dog to the vet, yet they quite easily could have come to different conclusions; indeed, Tucker (who ends up killing the dog) doesn't seem like the type to automatically do so; he might want to put it out of its misery right there and then; ripe for conflict.
  3) The conflict between T&C when they have to decide to pay for surgery or not - Carly was right, the dog can be saved, but it costs too much and Tucker feels it's not their responsibility; this final scene should prove their prejudices and hatreds for one another: Tucker is unfeeling and miserly; Carly is overly emotional and impulsive (or whatever traits you want them to have). The conflict should reach a crescendo here; a crisis point.
  
  The Climax: Tucker killing the dog is probably the most important part of the story; it is the unthinkable resolution of the conflict. What motivation Tucker has to carry out this gruesome task must be made crystal clear. Is he doing it to spite Carly, because she won the argument over paying for the surgery (which can't come from her bank account if it is to make sense). Or is it to save the dog from pain, so Tucker can prove to himself that Carly is wrong, he is not unfeeling? Or is it - and this could be the most powerful - an attempt to save what remains of a frayed relationship? Already at loggerheads, Tucker may not want to add yet more to Carly's list of reasons to leave him. In fact, if there was a chance to save the relationship, the moment could force Tucker into a difficult decision (the Big Decision every protagonist should face to resolve the story): to save the relationship, he has to kill the dog. Lots of beautiful irony could be woven in to this moment, really giving the story a great ending.
  
  The trick will be to ensure that the appropriate groundwork has been laid so that readers can see Tucker's conflicting emotions and how difficult the decision is when he reaches his big moment. It also means bringing Carly to life more, as she is still a sketch at this moment in the drafting process; Tucker needs his counterpart to balance him and to show the reader what his wife is like.
  
  I know I've put a lot of critiques in this review, but that's only because I think it has a great deal of potential. With the right focus in the next draft, you could have an excellent tale to tell.
  
  Good job and good luck honing your craft!
  
  Minutiae:
  P.1 - Change in tense in first paragraph is awkward; repetition of words, such as pops, dance, form; the phrase about hurrying his eyes to adjust to the dark I thought was excellent.
  P.2 - Repetition of pass/passed
  P.4 - Repetition of float/floating (a car floats by earlier in the story, too)
  P.6 - quotation mark issues: "Tucker looks at Carly... (no need for q.mark there); "...roam like that." (need one here)
  P.8 - ghost imagery a repetition from earlier
  P.9 - quotation mark: "Yeah, she's gone." (need one here); also, when different people speak, each person needs a new paragraph to avoid confusion. read
• 
  Nicely Done
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by Gabigabs on 11/02/2010
  I really like how the mood is set up in the beginning of this story. The sentence "It is the first word spoken in two hours" gives a quick, chilling look into this breaking marriage. The tension between the protagonist and his wife keeps building through the story and as they are developed, the differences between them became obvious, making it understandable why this marriage... I really like how the mood is set up in the beginning of this story. The sentence "It is the first word spoken in two hours" gives a quick, chilling look into this breaking marriage.
  
  The tension between the protagonist and his wife keeps building through the story and as they are developed, the differences between them became obvious, making it understandable why this marriage is not be working.
  
  For most part, I liked the way the protagonist is developed, being impacted by the event. I had a feeling though that the author wanted a hint of hope for the marriage in the very end when Tucker comforts his wife, thinking they will meet with the layers is she still wants to; however if that is the case, I would appreciate for Tucker to be changed in more positive way. Perhaps his killing the dog, putting it out of misery after being told that even after the surgery, the dog will never fully recover, was meant to be an act of mercy... however; if hope was where the author wanted to leave the ending, Tucker's act did not cut it for me. In such case I would rather see him acknowledging his wife's choice to save the dog, not by words, perhaps just by a slight nod. The dog still could die from the injuries as the surgery is discussed, but this way Tucker would earn degree of redeemable quality in my eyes.
  
  I also thought that the way Tucker is portrait in the beginning, he would likely spend more time examining his expensive car before heading to check on the dog.
  
  Apart of that very well done and Good Luck!
  read
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  Pulling at What We Wreak
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by WHINDBAGG on 07/25/2010
  I would best describe this piece as a diamond in the rough in that I caught glimpses of real brilliance, especially towards the end. There is nascent genius here. I believe that as you perfect your craft you will be a formidable writer, ready for the big time. For me, this story delves into the nature of loss, of mourning, of the transient nature of life and of all things... I would best describe this piece as a diamond in the rough in that I caught glimpses of real brilliance, especially towards the end. There is nascent genius here. I believe that as you perfect your craft you will be a formidable writer, ready for the big time.
  
  For me, this story delves into the nature of loss, of mourning, of the transient nature of life and of all things. It trains a spotlight on the insubstantial nature of that which we take as the foundations of our lives, and our mania for control as a reaction to the ephemeral nature of those foundations. It is the depth and intelligence of that spotlight that leads me to say there is great promise here. In concept, this is genius.
  
  The only thing that leads me to say that this diamond is rough and that the brilliance is tarnished is the fixation you had with describing the passing cars. The descriptives were all over the map, widely divergent from each other, almost as if you were trying to close in on a true description by dancing around something that kept eluding you. I think this is indicative of a difficulty in word choice. There are also issues with the gaps in the narrative. For example, you took great pains describing the transport of the injured dog from the road to the car, but there is a peculiar gap where the dog is actually placed in the car.
  
  The funny thing is the problems I cite above do not hold for the denoument. There you are quite confident and guide the narrative with a sure hand.
  
  Technically, from the standpoint of craft, this is almost immaculate. Other than some issues of style regarding placement of text in quotes, there are no errors in grammar, spelling, or syntax that I could see.
  
  Niggly Bits
  
  Page 1: "On the interstate five miles from home they hit the dog. Grinning dull-witted dog, it lopes across the highway, head low and swaying and scanning its path, its tongue drags the ground." Don't switch tenses. Here you went from past to present tense.
  
  Page 1: "Tucker can see its surprise as it looks up into the lights of the oncoming Audi, its tongue snaps into its mouth, its head pops up erect, alert, too late." Chronologically this is out ot sequence. The description of the look of surprise should come at the end, not the beginning of this line. This gives the prose a very rough, jumpy feel. It robs the piece of flow.
  
  Page 1: “'Shit!' Tucker says.". This quote should be the start of a new paragraph.
  
  Page 1: "He steers the Audi off the highway and into the median..." Onto the median.
  
  Page 1: "'Stay in the car,' he calls, but she follows him anyway." This should also start a new paragraph.
  
  Page 1-3: "Their lights dance through his peripheral vision like a bad drug, little sparkles and pops around his field of focus, snaps and pops that dance with the sounds of whistling wheels on concrete and engines screaming in doppler waves...He waves his arms and the car swerves gently and floats past in a wind of heat and noise and whining tires...Another car, its horn rails high to low as it passes...Another car passes, a big car, an American sedan running silent but for the sound of its tires, an open sound beyond control, like static." I collected these descriptives over the span of three pages to illustrate the fixation you have with the passing cars. You need to arrive at a single descriptive you can be satisfied with and move on.
  
  Page 2: "...like Natalie fucking Wood in some 50’s movie he thinks." You can safely lose the phrase "he thinks" and gain some flow. The reader already knows that this is coming from the protagonist. If you are enamored of this as a semi-quote you would need to handle it like a quote, assigning it a new paragraph and enclosing it in quotation marks, with the exception that the text whithin the quotation marks would need to be italicized to indicate it as internal dialog.
  
  Page 5: "...a rose red stem of blood trickles from its mouth...". Did you mean 'stem' or "stream"?
  
  Good luck. read
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  Nice
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by jacquesst on 07/20/2010
  I enjoyed your story although it left me feeling somewhat sad. I enjoyed the tension between the protagonist and his wife and how the situation with the injured dog plays on their relationship and emotions. This piece is well written and I loved how you described the action taking place. I would recommend this story to anybody. Congratulations on a great short story. Hope to... I enjoyed your story although it left me feeling somewhat sad. I enjoyed the tension between the protagonist and his wife and how the situation with the injured dog plays on their relationship and emotions. This piece is well written and I loved how you described the action taking place. I would recommend this story to anybody. Congratulations on a great short story. Hope to read more of your work in the future.
  
  Regards
  
  Jacques read
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  Well Done
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by mnjones on 03/15/2010
  This is an easy and very interesting read. Interesting read. There is below the surface of an account of a badly injured dog the awarness of greater depth, the disintegration of a marriage. Carly wants to save the dog--even thought it has "shit" on her. And she does not care what the surgery costs. Does she want to save her marriage--even though she's been "shit" on? Tucker... This is an easy and very interesting read. Interesting read. There is below the surface of an account of a badly injured dog the awarness of greater depth, the disintegration of a marriage. Carly wants to save the dog--even thought it has "shit" on her. And she does not care what the surgery costs. Does she want to save her marriage--even though she's been "shit" on? Tucker has no compunction about squeezing the life from the poor pooch, even though she reminds him of Dagwood's pup, Daisy. Tucker and Carly will tomorrow "meet with the lawyers, if that is what she really wants." I do not think anything has happend tonight to change her mind.
  
  One paragraph (it starts on the bottom of page 7, "This is how life passes...") had me re-reading. I didn't get the significance and, for me at least, it didn't seem to fit.
  
  Nice work. read
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  DRIVING OVER MISS DAISY
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by gclifton on 02/28/2010
  A poignant, sad story which repeats itself multiple times daily. People hit a dog(or other) on the road and suffer mightily feeling out a solution which more often or not doesn't exist. Statistics are not available of course, but stopping to help is probably not the norm. Your characters get an attaboy. This story is strong on very well structured prose and language use,... A poignant, sad story which repeats itself multiple times daily. People hit a dog(or other) on the road and suffer mightily feeling out a solution which more often or not doesn't exist. Statistics are not available of course, but stopping to help is probably not the norm. Your characters get an attaboy.
  
  This story is strong on very well structured prose and language use, with many thoughts and descriptions phrased beautifully and completely.
  In that sense, although the writing is excellent, I wonder if you don't waste a lot of fine verbage in telling a basic story.
  
  That the accident occured at the apex of a divorce is well thought out and well described. That ol'Tucker choked Daisy out is a very innovative twist. Bet you catch hell from some animal folks.
  
  Well written, easily read, clear to understand.
  read
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  Mixed emotions
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by Hoggy on 02/22/2010
  I applaud the idea of using a traumatic incident to explore the dying embers of a marriage. It should reveal a lot about them, their personailties and what lies at the root of their problems. It seems that you have pushed this aside however and focused all your words on the plight of the dog, as a result I cared about the dog but not the couple. I get the use of symbolism... I applaud the idea of using a traumatic incident to explore the dying embers of a marriage. It should reveal a lot about them, their personailties and what lies at the root of their problems. It seems that you have pushed this aside however and focused all your words on the plight of the dog, as a result I cared about the dog but not the couple.
  
  I get the use of symbolism but for me this was far to in depth and I wanted to get something more tangible about the characters. Their dialogue was good and is fairly accurate of how people speak when they hit an animal (speaking from personal experience)but that was the only real insight I got.
  
  I really think the old script adage of show don't tell would apply here.
  
  Conclusion: This has promise but I think you need to shift ome of the emphasis back to the couple as I stared skimming over the bits they were in to find out what happened to the dog read
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  A chance night-time collision with a stray dog reveals a man's character
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by bigheadx on 02/17/2010
  Thank you for the opportunity to read this story. It held this reader's interest despite some formatting and paragraph/sentence structure issues (see comments below). Your notes point out that (1) the narrator is unsympathetic and (2) there is animal cruelty. (2) is certainly correct, but only if you believe/feel that every effort must be made to help a wounded animal,... Thank you for the opportunity to read this story. It held this reader's interest despite some formatting and paragraph/sentence structure issues (see comments below).
  
  Your notes point out that (1) the narrator is unsympathetic and (2) there is animal cruelty. (2) is certainly correct, but only if you believe/feel that every effort must be made to help a wounded animal, regardless of cost. (1) is also correct but this reader was left wondering why Tucker behaves as he does. Perhaps this is because there is little/no backstory about his character or his marriage to Carly.
  
  Tucker spends a great deal of time internally philosophizing about life and its vicissitudes but little is said about their marriage and the reasons behind its impending breakdown. If, after Carly says, "What is wrong with you?!" you allowed Tucker a moment of self-reflection as he ponders how to handle the dog he and his subsequent actions would be more understandable, more filled with the sub-text behind his relationship with Carly, with life, and with himself. Without this, his euthanizing the dog merely reveals a selfish person who seeks to end an inconvenience rather than a character driven (or pushed) to what, on the surface, is a reprehensible act. Is this what he would like to do to his marriage? put it out of its misery? Is the random act of an animal being struck by a vehicle a metaphor for his life/marriage?
  
  That being said, definitely an interesting read. Good luck with it!
  
  ======================
  Typos/Word Choice/Grammar [ NP=new paragraph suggested ]
  
  “Shit!” Tucker says - NP
  
  Oh God - Oh, God
  
  Tucker climbs from Tucker climbs from the car - NP
  
  “Stay in the car,” he calls - NP
  
  He hears other cars - NP
  
  through his peripheral vision like a bad drug - [don't understand this simile]
  
  Tucker squints and hurries his eyes to adjust to the darkness - NP
  
  he is standing before - he stands before [active verbs]
  
  Tucker bends near the dog - NP
  
  some 50’s movie he thinks - some 50’s movie [it's his POV, so every internal thought would be his]
  
  Another car, its horn rails - Another car. Its horn rails
  
  Another car passes, a big car - NP
  
  He doesn’t remember when - NP
  
  holding the blanket before her, synthetic fiber, tightly knit - holding the blanket before her. Synthetic fiber, tightly knit
  
  “Careful. If he looks like he’s about to snap - NP
  
  lifts the dog’s head, and the - lifts the dog’s head and the
  
  as its head meets the concrete and it rolls out of Tucker’s arms - as its head meets the concrete, and it rolls out of Tucker’s arms
  
  She’s crying, “Fuck you Tucker, just fuck you - [just established she's crying, necessary to do it again?]
  
  He stops. He wants to be shocked - NP
  
  “It’s just shit,” he says, deeply embarrassed - [why embarrassed?]
  
  slowing and passing, and speeding on toward home - slowing and passing, then speeding on toward home
  
  that is not so familiar with death - [not sure what this means]
  
  “One two three lift!” and the dog is up - [extremely long sentence that logically can be broken up for effect]
  
  Tucker closes the back door and climbs behind the wheel - NP
  
  Carly says “Please Tuck, let’s just go - Carly says, “Please Tuck, let’s just go
  
  “We have a dog,” he shouts - NP
  
  all smooth and void of depth - ["devoid"?]
  
  The doctor is quiet. He feels around the dogs underside - The doctor feels around the dog's underside
  
  “Most people wouldn't bother.” Tucker shrugs. “She’ll need surgery. You probably knew that.” [NP at Tucker, NP at "She'll]
  
  “Tucker looks at Carly - Tucker looks at Carly
  
  The dog sighs. It stares straight ahead - NP
  
  vapor light that will finally burn out, nothing. - vapor light that will finally burn out. Nothing.
  
  Throwing from its chest it is unable to break free - [throwing? do you mean tossing?]
  
  holding the dogs head - holding the dog's head
  
  the stainless steel, the dog bucks with its head - the stainless steel. The dog bucks with its head [heads don't buck, bodies buck]
  
  Slowly he relaxes his grip - NP
  
  the air that was trapped in its lungs now forced out - the air trapped in its lungs now forced out
  
  It’s eyelids are still - "its"
  
  Tucker thinks my god it will never - Tucker thinks, my god, it will never
  
  Tucker looks at the doctor and shrugs - NP
  
  “I’ll take care of the pup - NP
  
  Tucker leads her from the examination - NP
  
  All living things become infinitely complex at death - NP read
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  A Disturbing Look at Marriage
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by tro5019 on 02/10/2010
  I liked this story quite a bit despite the sometimes intensely disturbing images and tragic ending. Everyone should, indeed, read the production notes, for this story is not for anyone who cannot stomach images of suffering. There is a good description of setting throughout the story and the dialogue is good enough to give accurate character description of the non-protagonists... I liked this story quite a bit despite the sometimes intensely disturbing images and tragic ending. Everyone should, indeed, read the production notes, for this story is not for anyone who cannot stomach images of suffering.
  There is a good description of setting throughout the story and the dialogue is good enough to give accurate character description of the non-protagonists. I also liked the premise of the story. (Anybody else who liked this may want to check out the poem "Traveling through the Dark" by William Stafford.)
  The description of the room at the vet is good and easy to relate to by anyone who has ever set foot in a doctors office or hospital. The metaphor of the room as a life is well thought out and not too difficult to comprehend. Ultimately the story leaves you with a sense of wondering just where you stand on the idea of hope, second chances, and the possibility of new life. read
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  Poor dog...
  A review of The Things We Pull From the Wreckage
  by sampleofme on 02/09/2010
  I thought you did a good job of describing the settings and how the two characters felt towards each other. The dialog seemed forced to me though and didn't flow very well. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to portray a sense of panic or what but i think this needs work. It did do good to show the husband and wife's utter contempt for each other but i just felt that it could... I thought you did a good job of describing the settings and how the two characters felt towards each other. The dialog seemed forced to me though and didn't flow very well. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to portray a sense of panic or what but i think this needs work. It did do good to show the husband and wife's utter contempt for each other but i just felt that it could have been done in a more natural way. overall it was good but still needs some work. looking forward to reading more of your work. read