Reviews of The Yacht 28

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  What did the couple want?
  A review of The Yacht
  by Ng Hoi Yee on 06/29/2012
  A couple went to Thailand for holiday in the hope of salvaging their lackluster marriage. They met a beautiful couple who each went to sleep with the husband and wife. The story did not mention why the beautiful couple would want to invite them to their yacht or slept with them. I found the story a bit strange. There was no purpose of the event that happened and in the end,... A couple went to Thailand for holiday in the hope of salvaging their lackluster marriage. They met a beautiful couple who each went to sleep with the husband and wife. The story did not mention why the beautiful couple would want to invite them to their yacht or slept with them. I found the story a bit strange. There was no purpose of the event that happened and in the end, did the Thailand trip help to save their marriage or confuse them even further? read
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  Irrecoverable erosion of love
  A review of The Yacht
  by dunphoid on 05/28/2012
  Good read. Had my heart pumping once he went downstairs with the beautiful woman! Also, that moment where there was practically no emotion showing in Mindy's face when she went down with the man was painful. The writing style was luscious -- full of interesting tidbits that evoked a sense of being in Thailand, such as the food and the swim scene. While I felt for the narrator,... Good read. Had my heart pumping once he went downstairs with the beautiful woman! Also, that moment where there was practically no emotion showing in Mindy's face when she went down with the man was painful.
  
  The writing style was luscious -- full of interesting tidbits that evoked a sense of being in Thailand, such as the food and the swim scene. While I felt for the narrator, I felt his lack of following-through with the beautiful woman was anti-climactic. I think if he had followed through, his partner still may not have become as aroused as Mindy. Therefore, his feelings of insecurity would still be relevant...but at least he still got some action!
  
  I'd prefer your story to begin with the paragraph "I think it was Mindy who finally suggested we head to the islands". In doing so, you cut out all the preamble and get into the action. See, it's clear that there is a problem with the narrator and Mindy's relationship in the way they interact with the couple. I don't think you need to get into the therapist build-up. Go for the action! However, in saying this, I think you can extend two scenes for greater tension: Mindy being coaxed downstairs to the 'bar', and the actual parallel sex scene. You could drag out the sex and perhaps give more of a flavour of what's going on inside the narrator's head at that point...perhaps you could even introduce his thoughts about the therapist at this point.
  
  These are just my off the cuff suggestions. Feel free to dismiss! Thanks very much for the read, and good luck. read
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  DETAILS PLEASE....
  A review of The Yacht
  by Tripsheet Revision on 01/31/2012
  What makes this story good is that it’s well written, and the characters are sympathetic; we care about them because they’re decent people, and because we care about them we care about their situation, which, of course, is untenable. Several development weakness, however, make the story less than ultimately satisfying. It was like ordering a full bowl of soup and just eating... What makes this story good is that it’s well written, and the characters are sympathetic; we care about them because they’re decent people, and because we care about them we care about their situation, which, of course, is untenable. Several development weakness, however, make the story less than ultimately satisfying. It was like ordering a full bowl of soup and just eating off the top, never dipping my spoon further down for what gives a soup its body. I wanted to know more about their trouble, and why it had become so severe. I wanted to know, after their trip (it cannot be called a vacation) if, how, why, or when the couple patched things up and stayed together or went their separate ways. The story ended abruptly, though, and that was a disappointment. Still, what there is of it is well written. Good job. read
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  Rub A Dub Dub
  A review of The Yacht
  by Cenydd Ros on 12/30/2010
  Good writing, more imagination on story concept would benefit your talents. Overall I found the writing to be clear and well done. The flow is nice, having a certain style. Nothing is convoluted. It reads very easy and professional. I personally found the subject matter repugnant, but that is just me. I won't go into that any further. According to my editor, dialogue followed... Good writing, more imagination on story concept would benefit your talents.
  
  Overall I found the writing to be clear and well done. The flow is nice, having a certain style. Nothing is convoluted. It reads very easy and professional.
  
  I personally found the subject matter repugnant, but that is just me. I won't go into that any further.
  
  According to my editor, dialogue followed by a speech tag (asked, said, cried out, and so forth) is done thus.
  “Americans right?” He asked - right?" he asked.
  take the yacht out.” She said - out," she said
  “You wouldn’t be.” He said. - be," he said.
  know unless we ask.” She said. - we ask," she said.
  - If followed by an action (frowned, nodded, and so forth) then it is a new sentence. read
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  LOVE BOAT
  A review of The Yacht
  by gclifton on 03/10/2010
  This reads well because it is pretty erotic with plainitive descriptions of body parts, the sex act, foreplay, and a reaonable conclusion. You described a frequent scenario: Attraction erodes, an old scene becomes mundane, couples, once with a shared gift, drift apart. Then the second great realization: A loss sometives becomes visible too late to do much about it. You... This reads well because it is pretty erotic with plainitive descriptions of body parts, the sex act, foreplay, and a reaonable conclusion. You described a frequent scenario: Attraction erodes, an old scene becomes mundane, couples, once with a shared gift, drift apart. Then the second great realization: A loss sometives becomes visible too late to do much about it.
  
  You have a good way with words and write in a clear, concise voice. The capture of the boredom of the waning couple, the long silences, arerwell done. A good read. read
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  Over the brink
  A review of The Yacht
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/04/2009
  I was delighted to receive this assignment as I had read what you could do with the screenplay form. The narrative prose also seems to suit you well, Chris… Great job! This was very much a story about longing for a love now lost. Characters: Complexly described relationship told in a really short piece, the narrator/hero was instantly relatable which helps to pull the reader... I was delighted to receive this assignment as I had read what you could do with the screenplay form. The narrative prose also seems to suit you well, Chris… Great job! This was very much a story about longing for a love now lost.
  
  Characters: Complexly described relationship told in a really short piece, the narrator/hero was instantly relatable which helps to pull the reader in quickly. The universal theme about passion and love, which leaves a marriage is a universal one thus making this a very accessible story.
  
  Only lightly touched upon is the backstory about how he and his wife grew apart. It almost didn't matter what the details were and in a way, details could get in the way of the universality of the story. Apathy, routine, and/or boredom sets in when neither of them work on keeping the relationship alive. So this becomes very much a contemporary story rather than traditional story about love.
  
  Plot/Structure: The first three pages really set up the type of relationship the narrator had with his wife. This was demonstrated both internally in terms of the narrator’s depiction of the relationship as well as how the British couple perceived them. People who have grown apart are perhaps easy to prey upon as each one of them is oriented to a desire outside of the relationship rather than toward each other.
  
  The blank look that registered no information between he and his wife was absolutely devastating. So much unwritten which leaves open so many questions for the reader, giving this piece a somewhat open-ended conclusion.
  
  As readers, we’ve come to care about these characters. To see them avoid intimacy with each other and worse yet grow further apart, choose to be intimate with strangers outside their marriage, and then lie to each other in some way to respect the relationship they once had or perhaps out of shame, really is a haunting way to conclude the story.
  
  I am convinced at the end that after being faced with temptation and failing - while he chose not to continue which probably had more to do with ego/competition than love - the relationship had nowhere left to go.
  
  Overall: Engaging, thoughtful read. Well done. read
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  Interesting
  A review of The Yacht
  by Wordlover on 09/26/2009
  Somehow I had gotten the idea that this trip was to help their relationship, but instead did it strain it or end it or was it good? Yes if you haven't figured it out yet, you lost me. It was an interesting story and very sexual but had no real feelings. The emotion wasn't there. You skirmed the surface of it, but just didn't quite get there. All in all it was an interesting... Somehow I had gotten the idea that this trip was to help their relationship, but instead did it strain it or end it or was it good? Yes if you haven't figured it out yet, you lost me. It was an interesting story and very sexual but had no real feelings. The emotion wasn't there. You skirmed the surface of it, but just didn't quite get there. All in all it was an interesting story just seemed to be lacking something. read
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  That sinking feeling
  A review of The Yacht
  by Leemanchee on 09/25/2009
  Why don't I ever get invited out on a yacht? CONCEPT: A couple who's marriage is more than on the rocks crash into Thailand searching for some renewed vigor and spice. They find it in an unexpected place. Not an overly origional idea but yet again this writer executes the finer details effortlessly, creating a vision and emotion that's difficult not to like. CHARACTERS:... Why don't I ever get invited out on a yacht?
  
  CONCEPT: A couple who's marriage is more than on the rocks crash into Thailand searching for some renewed vigor and spice. They find it in an unexpected place.
  
  Not an overly origional idea but yet again this writer executes the finer details effortlessly, creating a vision and emotion that's difficult not to like.
  
  CHARACTERS: Very clean and detailed. I thought you did a great job.
  
  DIALOGUE: Again, very real and natural.
  
  STORY: Although you get the gist early on on where this is going it hits home hard. I really felt for the main guy and applaud you for delivering a powerful moment of weakness in this story.
  
  STRUCTURE: Perfect. The whole story flowed really fast and was no effort at all. Well done.
  
  OVERALL: A powerful and precise piece that really hits home. And all inspired by a picture.
  
  Great job, thanks for sharing. read
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  All seperated couples should get this lucky
  A review of The Yacht
  by ann gia on 09/10/2009
  I liked The Yacht, the story had a nice tempo for me and flowed along smoothly. It seemed to me that Mindy was the more emotionally detached of the pair but they both thought enough of saving their marriage that they went for counseling. They were not getting along all that well on their Thailand trip but happened to meet a handsome pair of English swingers. They accepted an... I liked The Yacht, the story had a nice tempo for me and flowed along smoothly.
  It seemed to me that Mindy was the more emotionally detached of the pair but they both thought enough of saving their marriage that they went for counseling.
  They were not getting along all that well on their Thailand trip but happened to meet a handsome pair of English swingers. They accepted an offer for a pleasure trip on the Englishmans Yacht and it didn't take them long to see what was on the English couples minds.
  They let themselves be seduced by the couple and went along with their bedroom mating ritual but upon hearing Mindy's screams of pleasure in the adjoining cabin the husband was instantly turned off and unable to continue his performance with this absolutely beautiful sexual woman.
  The story then takes us back home where Mindy not wanting to admit it or hurt his feelings asserts she was unable to climax with the handsome stranger not knowing she had been overheard and the husband then then also asserts he was unable to climax but leaves out the part of being unable to climax because of hearing Mindys pleasureful screams.
  It looks like they both will need to continue counseling. read
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  The Yacht
  A review of The Yacht
  by CarlaC on 09/04/2009
  This story was very well written. I was caught up in the story right from the first sentence. The emotional seperation was portrayed in a very realistic way. I especially liked the paragraph about how they would eat to avoid spending time together. The British couple are too one dimensional. It would be nice if you could flesh them out a little more - they have an open... This story was very well written. I was caught up in the story right from the first sentence. The emotional seperation was portrayed in a very realistic way. I especially liked the paragraph about how they would eat to avoid spending time together.
  
  The British couple are too one dimensional. It would be nice if you could flesh them out a little more - they have an open marriage, but what is going on beneath that? What are their goals?
  
  I also feel that the story ended too abruptly. I like the fact that the wife went through with it and the husband didn't, but would like to see what sort of conclusion this brings them to. It would certainly make him feel insecure and would widen the emotional separation. This should force them to work things out or split up or maybe even decide to have an open marriage. Instead they are in the exact same position they were at the start of the story - denial.
  
  Great story! read