Reviews of under the snow 17

• 
  Oh, those Russian names...
  A review of under the snow
  by Cenydd Ros on 02/05/2011
  Concept: A good concept - strong drama content. Story: A little bit around the long way to get to the point/emphasis of the story. The biggest distraction in reading this was all the names. I think an edit for content might make this flow better. Mechanics: - I think this might work better, format-wise, when inside the present tense part of this story, you place the thoughts... Concept:
  A good concept - strong drama content.
  
  Story:
  A little bit around the long way to get to the point/emphasis of the story. The biggest distraction in reading this was all the names. I think an edit for content might make this flow better.
  
  Mechanics:
  - I think this might work better, format-wise, when inside the present tense part of this story, you place the thoughts inside single quotes, e.g. 'I would kill that monstrosity.' - by doing this you could place this entire section in italics, instead of placing the thoughts in plane face. Format-wise, I think this would look better.
  - She had been (-alone-) only a couple months. - word missing
  - Paragraph 4 (bottom of first page) you begin three sentences with "But" - too many for one short paragraph. As a personal rule in writing, I try to avoid starting sentences with "But or And" - sometimes there is a good reason to break this rule, if style merits.
  
  Overall I think this story has a good dramatic object to it - I believe if it were more direct a story with somewhat less side routes, it might be even stronger. read
• 
  Sabina's choice
  A review of under the snow
  by philbklyn on 11/27/2009
  Seven names in the first paragraph and none of them were English -- I hope I can remember all those. The little in between scenes that are written in the present tense really threw me off -- it was like two separate stories were spliced together, and the story in present tense was a lot shorter, but more interesting than the long history that took up most of the story. Not... Seven names in the first paragraph and none of them were English -- I hope I can remember all those. The little in between scenes that are written in the present tense really threw me off -- it was like two separate stories were spliced together, and the story in present tense was a lot shorter, but more interesting than the long history that took up most of the story. Not only do I have to remember all those names, but now I have to keep track of two story-lines. I think the story was OK, but the way it was structured was a little too experimental, in my opinion. read
• 
  Sad Russian Tale
  A review of under the snow
  by mnjones on 10/12/2009
  Well, I didn't hate it. The writing was pretty good. There were nine characters introduced on the first page, pretty intimidating, but it turns out not to be a problem after I figuered out who was related to whom. There's material here for a longer work, but the sad ending is appropriate for a short. The writing was pretty good, with dialogue that fit the setting. The descriptions,... Well, I didn't hate it. The writing was pretty good. There were nine characters introduced on the first page, pretty intimidating, but it turns out not to be a problem after I figuered out who was related to whom. There's material here for a longer work, but the sad ending is appropriate for a short. The writing was pretty good, with dialogue that fit the setting. The descriptions, I thought, were vivid and believable. I made a few notes. Good luck.
  
  Page 3, "How can you be sure..." Question mark missing. Isn't Ursa the first born son and still just a child? Why is he already such a disgrace?Uh oh: We have Rurik, Edrik and now Adrik. Perhaps names that didn't rhyme would work better?
  
  Page 6, Sabina is called Sabring. Adrik and Sabina argue about whether or not she is still a disgrace to her father, but on page five it is made clear that she is no longer a disgrace. And why is Ursa such a disgrace? He's been a hard working farmer, until they took his farm away.
  
  Page 8, It seems odd that Anatloii merely nods after Ursa's outburst and Ursa attacks him.
  
  Page 10, How long does Sabina lie on the floor before "after some time" Anatolii cames back to pick her up?
  
  read
• 
  Let it snow
  A review of under the snow
  by bthielke on 09/29/2009
  I liked the little interludes of her running through the forest. I'd like to see one after each chapter. I thought the story picked up a lot once sabina and anatolli were married, but I must admit it was a little confusing before then. I don't know if it was too many people in the story. I think it also may have been a slow starter because the POV of the narrator changed... I liked the little interludes of her running through the forest. I'd like to see one after each chapter.
  
  I thought the story picked up a lot once sabina and anatolli were married, but I must admit it was a little confusing before then. I don't know if it was too many people in the story.
  
  I think it also may have been a slow starter because the POV of the narrator changed. At first it seemed like the narrator was a disinterested third party, but towards the end it seemed like Sabina was the narrator.
  
  I never quite understood why Sabina was a dissapointment, other than that she was a girl. And I also didn't understand why she thought Anatolli would feel that this new baby was a disgrace. And I suppose that's key to this story. Maybe that needs a little more explanation or made clearer.
  
  I liked the premise a great deal and found it an interesting read. I think if you clean up the POV and clarify these couple of points, it'll be a really good story. read
• 
  Don't understand
  A review of under the snow
  by Wordlover on 09/19/2009
  I've read and re-read this story and still not quite sure why she killed her child. You need a reason or hook for me to keep reading. I walked away, did other things, just had a hard time getting into this story. I imagine with some thoughts and rewrites you might tell the reader why her father doesn't like her or at least why she doesn't think so. I am sorry, good luck with... I've read and re-read this story and still not quite sure why she killed her child. You need a reason or hook for me to keep reading. I walked away, did other things, just had a hard time getting into this story. I imagine with some thoughts and rewrites you might tell the reader why her father doesn't like her or at least why she doesn't think so. I am sorry, good luck with this rewriting or another story. Thank you read
• 
  What a Twisted Culture!
  A review of under the snow
  by gridlock on 02/12/2009
  The very first paragraph caught my attention, and the part of the story in italics kept me riveted throughout the story. But the cast of characters in the very beginning, with the unpronounceable names, sucked me right out of the story. I don’t think I ever figured out why Sabina was a dishonor to her family, and you might have told us, but like I said, I was so stuck on... The very first paragraph caught my attention, and the part of the story in italics kept me riveted throughout the story. But the cast of characters in the very beginning, with the unpronounceable names, sucked me right out of the story.
  
  I don’t think I ever figured out why Sabina was a dishonor to her family, and you might have told us, but like I said, I was so stuck on the names nothing else sunk in. From page three on, it finally became a story instead of an expositional mess. After that, the writing style was good, and the story itself was riveting. I would maybe spread the exposition throughout the story in some way, or cut down on the names at the beginning… or something.
  
  I did feel sympathy for Sabina throughout most of the story, all except for the part where she lets her husband beat her. I know it was a cultural thing, so I’ll put my personal problems with that aside. The ending was very sad, and gave me a glimpse of what life must be like in a culture so different from mine I could never imagine. All in all, I got the point, and that’s what matters I guess. Thank you for exposing us to such a different (and twisted) culture! read
• 
  A Novel Series...
  A review of under the snow
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/10/2008
  WOuw!, there's a lot of characters in this epic!. the story was very well written, but i had a hard time grasphing to really get to know the characters, i think this is the only problem i had with this story, there where lots of characters!, the flow of the writing wasn't bad at all. pretty much straight to the point and talking about the characters next motives. The story... WOuw!, there's a lot of characters in this epic!. the story was very well written, but i had a hard time grasphing to really get to know the characters, i think this is the only problem i had with this story, there where lots of characters!, the flow of the writing wasn't bad at all. pretty much straight to the point and talking about the characters next motives. The story seemed depressing, this is not my type of genre, so it will be unfair to compare it to other books out there. that's my type of books to read. it keep me wanting to see what happen though. read
• 
  COLD
  A review of under the snow
  by alvayoung on 08/09/2008
  This is an interesting account of paranoia gone extreme. A young woman puts her new born baby to death because of disfigurement she is sure will enrage her absent husband. This story is a bit hard to follow in the beginning, because of all the family members. I feel they should have been spaced out a little more, and introduced as the story progressed. The young woman is... This is an interesting account of paranoia gone extreme. A young woman puts her new born baby to death because of disfigurement she is sure will enrage her absent husband.
  
  This story is a bit hard to follow in the beginning, because of all the family members. I feel they should have been spaced out a little more, and introduced as the story progressed.
  
  The young woman is conditioned mentally through a life of family conflict to never dissapoint her husband. The fact that he is gone when she gives birth to a disfigured child prompts her actions.
  
  The author has conditioned the reader to understand her action, even though the reader will probably dissaprove.
  
  There are a few technical items I am not sure about, such as the change in font back and forth, and the use of markers between paragraphs . The author does a good job of painting a picture of a young woman driven by family standards to murder her own baby.
  
  I didn't like the story much, but I feel it was well written and will mark it as such. read
• 
  gross story
  A review of under the snow
  by chessaol on 08/03/2008
  I finished this story because it was so terrible I couldn't put it down. the main character is brow beaten over and over and over,with her inadequatices. The family would be better without her.Her only role in life is to produce an heir.Her only worth is an heir,she is personally inadequate as a person,and for her familys status. The only thing that will save her even a little... I finished this story because it was so terrible I couldn't put it down. the main character is brow beaten over and over and over,with her inadequatices. The family would be better without her.Her only role in life is to produce an heir.Her only worth is an heir,she is personally inadequate as a person,and for her familys status. The only thing that will save her even a little is to produce an acceptable heir.
  Others in the community don't stack up to this Russian families standard and examples are readily available to brow beat the girlwith-until she does the unthinkable,but perfectly understandable. A horror/drama very well done.I only recommend to those who like this kind of story,well worth the time to read! read
• 
  Under the Snow
  A review of under the snow
  by fleezer on 07/29/2008
  I liked the structure of the piece, the jumps from past to present. I thought it worked well as a way to tell this story. I think the concept, which would work in a novel, did not work well as a short story. There are too many characters introduced in too short a time, and though the plot is dramatic, I think it needs more time to develop. I think the basic characters and... I liked the structure of the piece, the jumps from past to present. I thought it worked well as a way to tell this story.
  
  I think the concept, which would work in a novel, did not work well as a short story. There are too many characters introduced in too short a time, and though the plot is dramatic, I think it needs more time to develop. I think the basic characters and their stories are interesting, but really more suited to a novel format. For this kind of tale to work, the reader needs time to become well acquainted with the characters in order to really care about what befalls them. Because of the short story format, I felt this did not fulfill it's potential. read