Reviews of Walking Through Fields With Strangers 67

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  A Bushel & A Peck
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by MarcTwine on 05/17/2013
  OK...I finally got it (I think). After several re-reads, and re-re-reads. Maybe that's a problem. Or, maybe I'm just "thick". Whatever. My principle criticism is the excessive use of descriptives -- reminiscent of a secondary school student attempting to impress his teacher. Overdone. Pretty, but no points. BTW: the creation of words ("spluicer"/"raspereous") while interesting,... OK...I finally got it (I think).
  
  After several re-reads, and re-re-reads. Maybe that's a problem. Or, maybe I'm just "thick". Whatever.
  
  My principle criticism is the excessive use of descriptives -- reminiscent of a secondary school student attempting to impress his teacher. Overdone. Pretty, but no points.
  
  BTW: the creation of words ("spluicer"/"raspereous") while interesting, fall outside of Webster's dictionary. Again, overreach.
  
  I get the metaphor (I think). But then again, if the reader doesn't "get it", maybe it needs a re-write. read
• 
  Review: Walking through the Field with Strangers
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by writermorris on 03/20/2013
  This was going so well. I was actually enjoying the the essay like way you took us through the mechanics of a search and rescue effort, you built the story in an effortless crafted style giving the reader an insight into the man's relationship with his wife, and his dedication to his work, I enjoyed the little details such as how it's easier to find somebody lost in the wilderness... This was going so well. I was actually enjoying the the essay like way you took us through the mechanics of a search and rescue effort, you built the story in an effortless crafted style giving the reader an insight into the man's relationship with his wife, and his dedication to his work, I enjoyed the little details such as how it's easier to find somebody lost in the wilderness in the winter, and then I think you blew it! You didn't need the flesh eating twist at the end. It's just too much of a jump for most readers who would have enjoyed the way you wrote. Don't get me wrong, you can certainly write. In fact you're an excellent writer who can finish a story better than this. A better ending might have been finding the girl asleep and well in a barn or such. Only spotted one typo - Technicolor should have started in lower case, I'll really look forward to reading more of your stuff. You have true talent. But please, please, work on this ending. read
• 
  A cool twist
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by Adam Greven on 07/14/2011
  I was really enjoying the idea of a search and rescue mission for a lost girl by itself. I liked the desciption of the scenery and the general idea of searching for a lost girl in the wilderness. Then "BAM!" we have cannibals on our hands. Or wait maybe demons? I liked the twist that our main character is actually looking for a meal rather than helping a lost girl, but why?... I was really enjoying the idea of a search and rescue mission for a lost girl by itself. I liked the desciption of the scenery and the general idea of searching for a lost girl in the wilderness. Then "BAM!" we have cannibals on our hands. Or wait maybe demons? I liked the twist that our main character is actually looking for a meal rather than helping a lost girl, but why? My only real critique is the fact the we need more detail about these fiends. Are they limited to the area or are all people like this in this world? The National Guards join in so maybe this isn't just a creepy town of flesh eaters but a nation of them. Again I really like the twist but more detail about why they eat the flesh before the end. Take it another few pages, maybe we can see the main character and Ralph fight over the meat and in they're arguing discover the reason for the feasting on a dead girl. Good start! read
• 
  Gripping tale
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by nick74 on 03/01/2011
  Great voice! Very strong writing. You articulate the main character's emotional state, especially in relation to his wife, with a deeply engaging finesse. There is a mood and ambiance that is irrefutably understood by the reader which only served to bring me deeper and deeper into the story with each passing sentence. Very nice touch. In alignment with your ability to create... Great voice! Very strong writing. You articulate the main character's emotional state, especially in relation to his wife, with a deeply engaging finesse. There is a mood and ambiance that is irrefutably understood by the reader which only served to bring me deeper and deeper into the story with each passing sentence. Very nice touch.
  
  In alignment with your ability to create character and mood comes a devastating ability to relay a terse situation that is brimming with anxiety. The descriptions of the girl --- once they found her --- were seamless. It even begged the reader's eyes to grow, nearly bulge out, in anticipation. Is she dead? Is she still alive? And then the bomb about the combine coming down on her is dropped like a nuke and, by then, my mind was consumed. I felt the same gust of sickness and disappointment as your characters.
  
  Your descriptions of the field, the stream, the seasonal foliage, etc. was fantastic, colorful and tangible, as if I were a stranger in the field with them. This piece of work is so well written that it's chilling.
  
  However, there are a few things, beyond your author's voice, that dive into 'story-telling' that I noticed and that left unanswered questions in my head. There is a certain breakage in time periods that has me a bit mystified. There is a media event going on that smacks of a current day element yet there is mention of an old Packard and the metaphor of a B-52 bomber, old war machines flying around, etc. which would indicate an earlier era. I'm unsure as to what time period this story takes place.
  
  Also, the narrative created a subtle and very powerful simulacrum between two opposing situations --- the search for the missing girl and the main character's relationship with his wife --- almost as if to lead these two story elements toward a 'joining point', even if only in the character's head, that would cement a theme. The idea of "walking through fields with strangers" almost takes on a whole new and dual meaning but the theme was not completely played out and with such a sudden, slightly confusing ending, I'm left wondering what I was supposed to learn from reading this story. After the wife leaves the story, we never return to that relationship thereby illuminating the possibility that neither does the main character, even if he still returns to his wife, nothing's changed through the experiences of the story. I don't get a sense of theme or message even though, with your ability to express through voice, I'm almost certain there is one.
  
  Also, when I read, I make it a point to focus, concentrate, and read only once, to see if I understand, one time over, the author's intent. There for, I don't read anything twice until I've reviewed the work. That being said, and because I was captivated by your voice, I read the ending multiple times trying to make sense of it. I have no idea what caused the main character to beat up Ralph nor what the fist-sized clump of flesh was. Am I to suddenly believe they're cannibalistically ripping the girl's carcass a part? Did I miss something in the earlier prose that would explain this? I'd like to think I've got a mind for metaphor, but I'm a little bit lost on this point and that leaves me completely deflated after so thoroughly enjoying this story.
  
  To point out, your authorship can be in no question at all. The voice you employ is succinct, creative, clear, engaging, you name it. With the tinniest bit of buttoning up in the story being told --- not the story telling --- this piece will inspire mountains. Thanks. read
• 
  Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by YeahHi on 01/05/2011
  Great ending! This is really competently written, like something you’d read in the New Yorker. You do a good job establishing the normalcy of the narrator’s life which makes the ending all the more shocking. Liked the poke poke detail. LOL: “then breaking away from her clutches to urinate in quiet pain.” Is this a contradiction? -- The sharp kaw-kawing of my pager wakes... Great ending! This is really competently written, like something you’d read in the New Yorker. You do a good job establishing the normalcy of the narrator’s life which makes the ending all the more shocking.
  
  Liked the poke poke detail. LOL: “then breaking away from her clutches to urinate in quiet pain.”
  
  Is this a contradiction?
  -- The sharp kaw-kawing of my pager wakes me from a dream
  -- I’ve always been a heavy sleeper, so the buzzing pager didn’t wake me up
  
  My only criticism is that we could get to the search sooner. The meandering style works well with the shocking end but may be too slow moving. The impact may still work with a tighter pace throughout.
  
  Great story!
  Shauna read
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  Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by GreatJJ on 12/16/2010
  Holy Cow! The writing is excellent and the many pictures that pop up through your great Painting of scenes is terrific. A great short story with a surprising ending. The wife and her transformation from modesty was telling in itself. The Van Gough discriptions. etc., etc., The many little nuances tell of your great diversity of knowledge and research. Thank you for the read... Holy Cow! The writing is excellent and the many pictures that pop up through your great Painting of scenes is terrific. A great short story with a surprising ending. The wife and her transformation from modesty was telling in itself. The Van Gough discriptions. etc., etc.,
  The many little nuances tell of your great diversity of knowledge and research. Thank you for the read. I really enjoyed your story except for the ending which was kind of freaky to me.
  
  
  mr. savage read
• 
  Disturbing
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by Suesea on 08/21/2010
  Well, the concept of this story is disturbing. It shouldn't be in the drama category. It's a horror story. I can't say that I like the concept. It bothered me too much that a lost little girl should suddenly become the food for her supposed rescuers. It was just too weird for me to enjoy. The story is written with appropriate grammar, structure, and all that. As a horror story,... Well, the concept of this story is disturbing. It shouldn't be in the drama category. It's a horror story. I can't say that I like the concept. It bothered me too much that a lost little girl should suddenly become the food for her supposed rescuers. It was just too weird for me to enjoy. The story is written with appropriate grammar, structure, and all that. As a horror story, it will please some people. I'd rather her have been found and brought home safe. It's just my personal opinion. The ending to me was too disturbing.
  
  Suesea read
• 
  ELEGANT DECEPTION
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 07/16/2010
  Well, thanks for an entertaining read. First thing to enjoy is the title. walking through fields with friends. So nice, eh? It's deceptive and made me start to read relaxed never suspecting. It's pastoral and fucking tricky. Briliant. I love being tricked and you tricked me. Never did I gues s at your clever turn. When I went back to p. 1 and read again it all fell fine... Well, thanks for an entertaining read. First thing to enjoy is the title. walking through fields with friends. So nice, eh? It's deceptive and made me start to read relaxed never suspecting. It's pastoral and fucking tricky. Briliant. I love being tricked and you tricked me. Never did I gues s at your clever turn. When I went back to p. 1 and read again it all fell fine into place. Made sense and was all the more fun becuase you held the deception until you must show your hand. But you let it out slowly too which shows your talent, which I enjoy, and I thought it’s clever. Yeah. See I don't think I can ever unwrap or reveel something that slowly. It's planned. You planned well. First time I kept telling myself okay here it comes, wait for it. The actions, so human, but so close to animal until they were plainly animal, fucking sweet! Damn! When the little girl’s pieces start flying I thought shit it’s all over now. brutal to read, but how a thing is or would be is how it shoud be shown in the movies and written in books and the stories. And that’s what you do. what you did. I admire it. Thanks for lettng me read your story. Do more, yeah? I’ll read them. read
• 
  Naughty Bird
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by HoweM3835 on 03/31/2010
  Technically speaking, the story is very well written. Spelling, grammar, etc... are all given their due, which means I have very few technical notes that will be listed below. As far as the quality of the prose, it's quite good. The width and breadth of descriptions kept me interested throughout the story, uses of little metaphors and comparisons that set the scene and mood... Technically speaking, the story is very well written. Spelling, grammar, etc... are all given their due, which means I have very few technical notes that will be listed below.
  
  As far as the quality of the prose, it's quite good. The width and breadth of descriptions kept me interested throughout the story, uses of little metaphors and comparisons that set the scene and mood were all handled well. I could argue that the story gets lost towards the end, but I suspect that this was on purpose by the author as the characters experience their transformation, if you will. While the lead up is very good, and there are subtle (at first) references to this avian theme I would suggest maybe making the ending more accessible and concrete. The lead up places us firmly in the world of humans, with references to jobs, technology and rules. The ending, however, is stripped entirely of these allusions, and is such a detachment from the build up that it can be jarring and confusing for readers. I'm still considering what the purpose of the gradual change is, or if it's simply to give humanity to the crows(?).
  
  The characters are well done, and each successfully avian in nature. Like I said earlier, there are plenty of clues leading up to the ending. Most of these are very successful, such as mentioning feathered hair, the squawking of technology, mannerisms, etc...
  
  I would mention the dream and it's place in the story. While technically it ties back in to the theme of birds, I would complain that it doesn't have a greater effect on the story as a whole. A person, who turns out to be a crow, dreaming of being a plane was sort of lost on me. If it were made more clear that the character were a bird or a human, the dream could be used to have a more powerful impact on the ending, instead of being sort of a throw-away.
  
  Overall, a well-written and intriguing story. A few technical notes below, but nothing major.
  
  
  p.1
  
  - kaw-kawing
  
  Typically spelled caw-caw, but not a huge deal.
  
  - Now she walks by me naked and willing mornings and nights and her presence barely raises my ardor.
  
  Consider streamlining to get rid of some "ands"
  
  Now she walks by me willingly naked both mornings and nights barely raising my ardor.
  
  - College
  
  Doesn't really need to be capitalized.
  
  p.5
  
  - Captain
  
  Again, doesn't really need to be capitalized
  
  p.7 raspereous
  
  Raspy? read
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  A search for a missing girl in the woods ends in a melee of bizarre violence.
  A review of Walking Through Fields With Strangers
  by bigheadx on 01/14/2010
  [SPOILERS] This well-written story describes a man's participation in the search for a missing girl. Except for a few irregularities (see comments below), the author shows a firm command of language and imagery. The overall content does raise some questions, however. The development of the main character initially takes precedence over the apparent story (search for missing...
  [SPOILERS]
  
  This well-written story describes a man's participation in the search for a missing girl. Except for a few irregularities (see comments below), the author shows a firm command of language and imagery. The overall content does raise some questions, however. The development of the main character initially takes precedence over the apparent story (search for missing girl) and a great deal of time is spent detailing his marital and pre-marital relationship with his wife. Some descriptions seem over-long and unnecessary. The dream is one example. Finally, the conclusion is a total shock. When he and his partner discover the girl dead, the tone and content change utterly as he violently attempts to prevent is partner from notifying the others. Despite his efforts, the others arrive and begin to tear apart the young victim, almost like a pack of wild dogs. So, is this a story or an allegory? Everything up until the final frenzy indicates a tale about "normal" humans and a search for a missing girl, but the last pages describe what appears to be a wild feast by carrion-lovers. If there is a connection, this reader, sadly, is unable to find it.
  
  Nonetheless, a credible piece of writing and an interesting read. Good luck!
  
  ======================
  Typos/Word Choice/Grammar [NP = new paragraph suggested]
  
  under a cloudless sky I’m laying in bed with my wife - under a cloudless sky I’m lying in bed with my wife
  
  dating in College - dating in college
  
  omlet - omelet
  
  long B-52 diving swoops - [imagery of this doesn't quite work for this reader, as a B-52 is a large, heavy, straight-flight bomber]
  
  The head bomber signals for us to break off and head for home. - ["head" "head"]
  
  spluicer - [?? could not find in dictionary]
  
  you begin to wonder the last time - you begin to wonder about the last time
  
  Once we’re seated inside the bus and rolling to the search site - Once we’re rolling to the search site
  
  Smitty begins to malign the volunteers - [malign? "evil or malignant in disposition, nature, intent or influence" "To make defamatory statements about someone or something"]
  
  The white canvass - The white canvas read