Reviews of What if You Were the Frankenstein 45

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  Review of: What if you were the Frankenstein
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by mmckean on 01/22/2012
  Hello Nadlin, Thank you for submitting your short story on Trigger Street. Brief Summary: "What if you were the Frankenstein" is a short, 9 page story about a man who wakes up one day to discover that he is, "The Frankenstein," meaning he was created by a human being and not God. Government agents then track him down and run tests on him to verify the claim but the tests... Hello Nadlin,
  
  Thank you for submitting your short story on Trigger Street.
  
  Brief Summary: "What if you were the Frankenstein" is a short, 9 page story about a man who wakes up one day to discover that he is, "The Frankenstein," meaning he was created by a human being and not God. Government agents then track him down and run tests on him to verify the claim but the tests come back "inconclusive" and the man is continuously hounded by the agents for subsequent testing. Finally, frustrated and annoyed, he packs up his stuff and runs away.
  
  CONCEPT: EXCELLENT. The story is a completely fresh view on the Frankenstein story by Mary Shelley.
  
  CHARACTERS: EXCELLENT. The motivations of the protagonist were clear and understandable.
  
  DIALOGUE: AVERAGE. The government agents did not talk realistically, and neither did the doctor.
  
  STORY: GOOD. We are taken along for the ride as the main character struggles to deal with the fact that he just might be...The Frankenstein.
  
  STRUCTURE: GOOD. There was a very clear beginning (he finds out he is the Frankenstein), middle (The government harass him for tests which come back inconclusive), and end (he runs away, feeling as if he has no other options).
  
  OVERALL: GOOD. The story was very entertaining.
  
  Thank you for the read and good luck in your future endeavors :) read
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  Pseudo-reality
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by vSindhwa on 08/18/2011
  The concept is very very different and the pseudo reality angle is a pleasant change from most of the common stories found these days. Also, the story is very interesting and definitely worth a read. Certain aspects though affect the flow and rhythm. The dialogues are very inconsistent. All the characters seem to hold similar status' in terms of conversational fluency and speech... The concept is very very different and the pseudo reality angle is a pleasant change from most of the common stories found these days. Also, the story is very interesting and definitely worth a read. Certain aspects though affect the flow and rhythm. The dialogues are very inconsistent. All the characters seem to hold similar status' in terms of conversational fluency and speech. The piece lacks unity of time. The time flow varies oddly based on the needs of the story thereby revealing the author's hand.
  read
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  "What if" a very scary question.
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/16/2010
  What a delightful story. A unique idea well told. As I first started reading my thought was that this could be a children's tale. It starts with the "what if" and the question is almost silly. Plus sitting at the table eating cornflakes. It just had a children's book feel to it. Then it turned serious with the reality that this could be real. That was a very nice twist... What a delightful story. A unique idea well told.
  
  As I first started reading my thought was that this could be a children's tale. It starts with the "what if" and the question is almost silly. Plus sitting at the table eating cornflakes. It just had a children's book feel to it.
  
  Then it turned serious with the reality that this could be real. That was a very nice twist. You then led the reader to believe that this could be cleared up with the medical exam. Again a twist as the doctor confirms the possibility.
  
  I also liked the persistent pursuit by the agent from an unidentified govt. agency.
  
  The final twist being that there is no answer so like the monster he may or may not be, he flees.
  
  Very nicely done. I enjoyed it. read
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  what if you were a monster?
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by djburke on 10/10/2010
  This is an odd little piece, it is written well enough the story flows and the scenes are well described. I wasn't really sure what the point was. The premise is "What if you were Frankenstein?" Well if no-one else could tell then so what if you were? If there was a mad doctor making people out there, what would happen? Agents of the government would arrive on his door step...
  
  This is an odd little piece, it is written well enough the story flows and the scenes are well described. I wasn't really sure what the point was. The premise is "What if you were Frankenstein?" Well if no-one else could tell then so what if you were?
  
  If there was a mad doctor making people out there, what would happen? Agents of the government would arrive on his door step and take him away never to be seen again and anything he made would be destroyed. They wouldn't send an email or phone his creation up asking to come in when possible.
  
  There is no real point that I can see, except to say maybe that one day we will all be Frankenstein. As bits of our bodies wear out new bits are put in or on. If it was done properly no one would notice and we would all be walking around with someone else's leg, arm, eye as our own bit need replacing.
  
  I suppose you could argue that this piece is about what you consider to be self and how real or unreal that is. Your idea of self can be altered at any time by external events. It is subjective at best.
  
  You could make a story out of this, if the mad doctor made a human, the new human (Adam) lives amongst us humans unaware of what he is. The government finds out about it, the doctor is arrested for experimentation, Adam is chased, hounded and hunted by government agents. He was well made, strong, intelligent and outsmarts them. Kills a few, his self preservation instincts take over. He escapes and sets up a new life in a third world country helping less fortunate people.
  
  Just a thought.
  
  read
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  Odd ball out
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by Suesea on 09/11/2010
  Now there's an original concept. The idea that later in life you can find out you are a doctor's creation, similar to Frankenstein, is fascinating. It was funny too. You had some good lines in here. The story started off slow. The first page didn't grab me and pull me in, but as I read I was hooked. The flow of the writing improved and once the idea is established, the story... Now there's an original concept. The idea that later in life you can find out you are a doctor's creation, similar to Frankenstein, is fascinating. It was funny too. You had some good lines in here.
  
  The story started off slow. The first page didn't grab me and pull me in, but as I read I was hooked. The flow of the writing improved and once the idea is established, the story took off. The main character could use some fleshing out so that we can picture this Frankenstein character...if that's what
  he/she...or it, really is.
  
  The dialog needs identifiers in a few places, but it flowed well and made me giggle a couple of times. The structure is OK. The tension, suspense, could probably be heightened a bit, but I enjoyed it. There area a few sentences that read awkwardly. Initially, even the wording of the title struck me as odd. “What if you were the Frankenstein?” To me, it should read, “What if you were Frankenstein?” That may just be a matter of taste. All in all, this is a fun story and a quick read. Thanks for sharing it.
  
  Suesea read
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  Grab your torches and pitchforks.
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by DKTD on 04/30/2010
  Very clever and the wit is brilliantly dry. I can see this evolving as a play... The banter between the Agent and our unwilling Frankenstein is uncomfortable and hilarious until the end which becomes a bit sad... and could be a statement on identity theft. It becomes more and more difficult as time goes by for someone to prove they are who they claim to be. The writing is clean... Very clever and the wit is brilliantly dry. I can see this evolving as a play... The banter between the Agent and our unwilling Frankenstein is uncomfortable and hilarious until the end which becomes a bit sad... and could be a statement on identity theft. It becomes more and more difficult as time goes by for someone to prove they are who they claim to be.
  The writing is clean and the pace is quick.
  Very clever.
  
  (I've got a similar story on here about a man who is bitten by a vampire and goes to therapy because he's having issues with it :) read
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  Flawed Chuckle
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by weeman70 on 07/12/2009
  There's one massive flaw in this story, Frankenstein was the doctor, not the monster. But if you push this to one side and just read the story in the manner it's intended then it really is very enjoyable. It reads very quick, the dialogue is snappy, but I was a little confused when different characters spoke in the same line. It didn't make me laugh outloud, but it did make... There's one massive flaw in this story, Frankenstein was the doctor, not the monster.
  But if you push this to one side and just read the story in the manner it's intended then it really is very enjoyable. It reads very quick, the dialogue is snappy, but I was a little confused when different characters spoke in the same line.
  It didn't make me laugh outloud, but it did make me chuckle quietly to myself. read
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  What if?
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by kmwriter on 05/10/2009
  I wasn't sure what to expect with this one: a parody? A social satire? A philosophical statement? But it was none of the above, so far as I could tell. I did like the premise, the government notice informing the character he was a monster and his memories of his past were implanted. And I understand the comedy was intentional, so I didn't take the agent or doctor seriously,... I wasn't sure what to expect with this one: a parody? A social satire? A philosophical statement?
  
  But it was none of the above, so far as I could tell. I did like the premise, the government notice informing the character he was a monster and his memories of his past were implanted. And I understand the comedy was intentional, so I didn't take the agent or doctor seriously, but I guess I expected some deeper subtext.
  
  One note - I've not seen the single 'quote' often used for dialogue. I'd advise using normal quotation marks to avoid confusion.
  
  I liked the self-doubt as the character over -analyzes his every thought and reaction in suspicion of the truth, but the argumentative dialogue within and then with the other characters did't really get the reader any closer to any kind of answer - literal or otherwise - to justify the lengthy conversation. The tête-à-tête with the agent only established that there was top-secret intelligence to back up this claim.
  
  And the inconclusive test results left the character stranded with no resolution. Is it just comedy, or a sly poke at the government's ability to sway the thinking of the people? Is this an analogy to the way we run from potential truth that threatens to reveal our inner evil? I wasn't sure what the intended message was, but perhaps this was written purely for fun and deeper meaning is irrelevant.
  
  It's an interesting premise and maybe there's social commentary I'm missing, but for a purely comedic piece, it's fairly light and breezy.
  
  Thanks for sharing,
  KM read
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  Review
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by pela-via on 05/05/2009
  Very original. I thought this story felt concise and straightforward. The writing was clean. I thought the idea was brand new. I liked the mix of comedy and philosophy. I'm sure this tale could be dissected many ways and applied to many many different parts of life. As far as room for improvement, I didn't notice much. It made its point. I saw the dialogue was not broken... Very original. I thought this story felt concise and straightforward. The writing was clean. I thought the idea was brand new. I liked the mix of comedy and philosophy. I'm sure this tale could be dissected many ways and applied to many many different parts of life.
  
  As far as room for improvement, I didn't notice much. It made its point. I saw the dialogue was not broken down into the typical paragraph structure - maybe this was intentional ? It's the second story I've seen today to do that, so maybe it's a style thing. I didn't mind it.
  
  Clever idea. Thanks for sharing. read
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  What if you were Frankenstein's Monster?
  A review of What if You Were the Frankenstein
  by PeacefullySubjected on 05/05/2009
  I’m reviewing this as a freebie because I enjoyed it so much. I was browsing through the stories and looking for something that sounded interesting. I’ve passed this one by a few times previously because the title really turned me off. I thought the writing wouldn’t be very good and that the story would fall apart all over itself. I am happy to say that isn’t the case at... I’m reviewing this as a freebie because I enjoyed it so much. I was browsing through the stories and looking for something that sounded interesting. I’ve passed this one by a few times previously because the title really turned me off. I thought the writing wouldn’t be very good and that the story would fall apart all over itself. I am happy to say that isn’t the case at all.
  
  The one thing I will say, as I’m sure you had to have already heard, is that Frankenstein wasn’t the monster – he was the Dr. that created the monster. Frankenstein’s monster never had a name. But I get where you were going.
  
  That aside, the story itself was fun and completely original. I loved that it was just one of those things one might accept as if ,”Oh yes I could totally be Frankenstein, I must look into that”. I laughed in several places and couldn’t wait to see how it ended. The ending was a little disappointing. I was hoping for something a little more grand than a simple fleeing for his life. Or something a little more fun.
  
  Overall I just wanted to say thank you for the entertaining read! read