Sianna

Necro Phil

A review of Necro Phil (rev)

by Sianna on 12/10/2011

I was nervous even reading the title, because although the idea of visiting the mind of a necrophiliac is fascinating to me, I haven't seen a good attempt yet. Luckily, I was relieved to find this story was coherent, dark, hypnotising and disturbed - it was great to be able to enjoy this story. Not only is the writing nearly impeccable (there were only a few grammatical spots... I was nervous even reading the title, because although the idea of visiting the mind of a necrophiliac is fascinating to me, I haven't seen a good attempt yet. Luckily, I was relieved to find this story was coherent, dark, hypnotising and disturbed - it was great to be able to enjoy this story.

Not only is the writing nearly impeccable (there were only a few grammatical spots that the reader could easily ignore in context), but the descriptions of the relationships between the characters is respectfully realistic. Phil and Jack's friendship decline was maybe not consistently grabbing, but had some really well-written parts that illustrated the whole scenario between them. (For example, when Phil brings up the funny incident from their past and Jack reacts in that way we can recognise or relate to.)

Phil's love for Coral is similarly believable, and pulling the reader into that sets Phil's loss up skillfully. The descriptions of grief throughout the piece feel genuine.

Some confusion comes up when the narrator is having flashbacks - the tenses of the past and 'present' past are the same, so it's hard to readily identify when we are until it's pieced together from the events. This is not a big issue, but one that interrupted my reading of the piece.

The killings and violence are gruesome, and the author has risen to the challenge of their creepy topic by effectively making death and the dead erotic. The beautiful gore was captivating. Also, the blinding of Nigel was well set-up by Phil's comment about the eyes of a blind man.

At the end of reading, something jarred a little about the final sentences, and perhaps if the 2nd last sentence were removed the end would carry off a tighter finish. The only other criticism I have after reading the story was that the chronology of the piece could be changed to make it a little easier to follow. The extra work of figuring out when we are was too distracting for me - either the tenses between the times, or even the fonts (although I guess the italics option has already been taken) could be changed to fix that. Otherwise the story could be told in a chronological order, and whatever is lost by eliminating that technique of suspense could be put into developing the backstories more. Nigel was the most two dimensional character, he seemed to be just 'evil', and since the other characters were introduced and fleshed out with such care, it seemed an obvious difference to me.

All in all, I'm glad I can now say I've read a decent bit of fiction about necrophilia. I suppose others must be out there - this story inspired me to see if I can find some. read

Pour me

A review of Pour me

by Sianna on 12/21/2009

The title of this story is what caught my attention - on its own it's intriguing and a little dark, with a subtle wordplay that made me curious. What followed didn't disappoint. I really liked the idea for the story (probably because I worked for years serving regulars like Jacob at the pub), and thought the sombre tone throughout suited it well. The character descriptions... read

Leaving the Gene Pool

A review of Leaving The Gene Pool

by Sianna on 12/07/2009

I reckon this was a success - funny, cringe-worthy, and accurate. As a 26 year old singleton, the scenarios and attitudes are shamefully familiar. Ross and the narrator have conversations and ideas that are too similar to those that my single male (and some female) friends have had. Tells me that it's all too believable, and this is probably the main strength of the piece... read

Bubba's Bubble

A review of Bubba's Bubble

by Sianna on 12/07/2009

The idea for this story was alright, but I had trouble getting through it for a few reasons. (It took me a second careful read to understand what was happening.) The technical stuff was somewhat lacking - there were a lot of past-present tense changes, and a fair few grammar and punctuation errors. Also, I feel there was a lot of extra and unnecessary information given,... read

The Storyteller

A review of THE STORYTELLER

by Sianna on 12/04/2009

There were some cute elements to this story, but I think they would have worked better in a different format. While I was reading, I heard a childlike tone to the 'retelling' of the stories, one which made me think the individual stories could be pretty effective if they were individually packaged as picture books for primary school aged children (with a few sentences per... read

Confession

A review of Confession

by Sianna on 12/02/2009

17 pages seemed like nothing - I rushed through it. Not because I had somewhere to be, but I felt the pace suited the speaker. It seemed like he was on speed, and I liked that the voice was consistently hurried-sounding. The personality of the speaker came through well, his distractibility, arrogance, and repeated assertions that he was an amoral being made me think he was... 17 pages seemed like nothing - I rushed through it. Not because I had somewhere to be, but I felt the pace suited the speaker. It seemed like he was on speed, and I liked that the voice was consistently hurried-sounding. The personality of the speaker came through well, his distractibility, arrogance, and repeated assertions that he was an amoral being made me think he was a jerk, but an extremely interesting jerk.

I loved the mystery surrounding who the guy was, too. Only little teasers were given away now and then, and even when I felt most convinced of his gender (p.4, where he says 'no more than the next man'), I was still unsure (and still am). But I like it - 'his' flexible identity suits his flexible morals. And I like that the reason for the court case was kept obscure, with only a few details given. I feel this story was more an exploration of the speaker, and because the story of the arrest clearly didn't interest him much, it can't have been very representative in the story - I'm glad it was mostly left out.

The story with the ants was so creepy, I loved it. (Reminded me of one of my favourite short stories, "Sleepy" by Chekhov, satisfies that morbid babykilling fascination.) Could have been made creepier had the speaker left out any information about whether or not Leo had survived, but it depends on how freaky the author wanted it all to be.

My main criticism is that the piece didn't seem 'polished'. To follow, I'm not sure how to offer advice on how to do that - as the whole story is dialogue, tightening sentences or cutting words or phrases out could detract from the overall impression. The voice is so descriptive of the man behind it that it would be a risky task to alter it too much. But it was still a little difficult to read in places (nowhere specifically, sorry).

There was one point, when he was speaking of his days at that exclusive Cambridge bar and then it swapped back to his family holiday in Spain, that I missed the transition and thought he was still talking about the club. I suppose because him offering to 'plough on' could have been about anything, since he's directed the entire interview.

Overall, the main character was my favourite part - he created this world (which could have been entirely fictitious) and showed himself in so doing. Coming a close second was him trying to get his baby brother eaten by almost surreal ants. It was a great way to bring the story to a close. read

NOK

A review of Next-of-Kin

by Sianna on 12/01/2009

The concept here was pretty good - taking the point of view of the deliverer of the bad news was an interesting idea. I found the best part of it was the way it made me cringe as he stumbled across delivering the news, and dragged out the interaction to the point where he was sitting in their kitchen. Inserting what he was thinking around what he was saying was pretty effective... The concept here was pretty good - taking the point of view of the deliverer of the bad news was an interesting idea. I found the best part of it was the way it made me cringe as he stumbled across delivering the news, and dragged out the interaction to the point where he was sitting in their kitchen. Inserting what he was thinking around what he was saying was pretty effective - especially where he thinks 'I'm only here to make you cry.' Parkins' self-loathing because of what he had to do was also believable, and I think it was a good point to emphasise.

There were a few points that could be amended, though. I personally didn't like the last two lines - they seemed a little too corny to me. It would probably be fine to just leave it as soon as he tells them something's happened to Mr Wallace, or even before that, with the daughter's hand on her mother's shoulder, and the elephant in the room.

I didn't understand why saying his first name would have made the wife relax, and I assumed maybe it was something to do with a brother or father having a reputation around town. But nothing was really explained. (Unless the name 'Heber' means something - is it a Mormon name? In that case, ignore my criticism!)

I didn't know it was set in the 1970s until I read the blurb afterwards. (Could be entirely due to my complete lack of knowledge about cars, though.) I suppose the only point in which that matters is where the track being torn down in '67 is mentioned - I assumed that meant 40 years ago.

I felt like there were a few too many distracting descriptions, especially in the beginning. To me, descriptions are good in setting the scene and transporting the reader there, but some seemed unnecessary. For example, do we have to know that he's leaving this specific hotel/casino and which road he took to get to the house? Or the car make and described interior of where he was shot? Or the history of the area in which the Wallaces live? And even, to an extent, the details of Mr Wallace's death? I'm probably being too minimalist, but when I was reading the beginning, I was thinking about why he'd died and why it was there, etc., and by the end I realised that that didn't really matter. I think the story would have been just as effective if no back story was given, and some of the initial details were left out - but others might prefer the details, might make it more real to them, so it's just something for the author to consider.

Also, I wasn't sure why the gates and guards would normally keep out 'people like him'. He's a decent official, right? I was confused when that was put after the bit about keeping riffraff out - as though it was implying Parkins was a corrupt Marine.

Overall, I thought the awkward and difficult task of telling the family of a death was shown well here. It's a good idea, but some things could have been left out to make the story more concise. read

A self-indulgently long review

A review of DANNY AND LELAND

by Sianna on 11/26/2009

I wish I hadn’t read that this was a true story first, because I think that coloured how I read the piece. It was an interesting story, in a case study kind of way, and the topic and some of the style reminded me of Oliver Sacks. I particularly noticed this while reading the background stories of Danny and Leland - I’ve always personally been fascinated by mental illnesses... I wish I hadn’t read that this was a true story first, because I think that coloured how I read the piece. It was an interesting story, in a case study kind of way, and the topic and some of the style reminded me of Oliver Sacks. I particularly noticed this while reading the background stories of Danny and Leland - I’ve always personally been fascinated by mental illnesses and the lives people lead while inflicted by them, and the author has done well to captivate his audience with their stories.
However, I think the main strength of the story was in introducing the readers to two specific autistic people’s existences. As such, I don’t think it’s really relevant to analyse Danny and Leland as a short story so much as an experience one shares with people.

On the other hand, the relationship development between Bob and Mr Gurney was interesting - but again, if this was actually what happened between them, I’m not sure that it counts as character development.

It seemed a little disjointed to introduce Eddy (a character that interested me), and then suddenly switch to 2 years later. I think Eddy could have been developed more, or made more clearly symbolic of a patient’s lack of independence, depending on the author’s intention. And perhaps a sentence or two to wrap up how the crew were feeling at the end of their stint at the ward may make the time change less abrupt.

Booty and Joe were good characters, but again I wasn’t sure if they were creations, caricatures of themselves, or completely real accounts. I did like the interactions between the crew and the patients and staff, though - it was another favourite part of the story for me.

Overall, it was a great story, and I can understand why the author felt the need to put it on paper. It seems the desire to show people how others live was a driving point behind this piece, and I personally appreciate that motivation as one of the most valid reasons for writing. I would suggest maybe leaving the part about it being a true story out of the blurb, and seeing how people respond to it as a work of fiction. I think the difference between writing an account of something that happened and creating (what I think is called) an autofiction is that there is some symbolism or generalisability about the piece which allows it to stand alone, without context. I’m sorry I couldn’t analyse it adequately as a short story.. but the cases of Danny and Leland followed me around all day today, and that was probably the point. read

Could be a good kids' story in here..

A review of A TALE OF DIFFERENCES?

by Sianna on 11/25/2009

This was a fairly cute piece, one that could be worked on a little more to become a pretty good children's story. There are kids that would love to hear this real-world type reworking of characters that exist only in fantasy, faraway lands. Aside from some minor grammatical editing that needs to be done, the story needs to perhaps recognise its audience and focus the unfolding... read

Thanks for Charles

A review of Madonna of the Chair

by Sianna on 11/24/2009

I came away feeling that Charles is a beautifully created boy. The story made me proud of him and want to protect him, and the memory of how he bravely saved the kitten makes it hard not to love him. The story itself is told through a 9 year old boy's eyes so well that none of it seems unbelievable. I especially liked that any reason for the Madonna picture taking on a life... read

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Sianna

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**DELETED ACCOUNT** on 01/03/2010

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