Simon_Radford

Yo Bro

by Simon_Radford on 12/17/2008

That's the way to do it, make your money on the M62. A convincing and engaging enough piece, even if it sought the pace it lacked at times. Us boyz in da hood would know. Nice concept. A true story of social degradation, perhaps lacking the level of violence, both verbal and physical that could accompany it. The characters are recognisable but perhaps a bit of a shadow at... read

Nice story

A review of THE TESTING

by Simon_Radford on 12/16/2008

Hi, I didn't read who the writer was before reading this but could have guessed it was you from the style. There is no dialogue, only thought. The way in which you describe the main character's surroundings is rich but could be enriched more. You have a good concept here but it needs to be developed in storyline and descriptive quality, almost in the way that Mark Twain would... read

Existentialist?

A review of Restoration

by Simon_Radford on 12/16/2008

Hi, I truly found that a nice piece. If it was written from the heart, then fair enough. If it was written from pure imagination, well done. If you've read Camus or the like then you'll appreciate this. One garden, one man, one restoration. The character building, whilst in the third person mostly, is good. The (ex) Wife is perhaps a little underplayed but still there. The... read

Zen and the art of....

A review of Hog Butchering at home II

by Simon_Radford on 12/16/2008

Hi, I will print this out and give it to my friend, who's had a Hog's head every Christmas since I've known him. Well you apparently know how to butcher a hog although most of your reade4rs won't have tried it. You do appear to enjoy your work and I truly found this an interesting read. The problem you will have, unless I haven't got it, is that this is an instruction manual... read

Parabolic

A review of The Gathering

by Simon_Radford on 05/25/2008

Hi, This story is one rounded parable which relies upon one of the simplest forms; "Do unto others as you would have done unto you". For this principle, Mario Puzo struggled for years to have done unto Micheal Corleone that which he had done himself . That is why it's simply a parable. Thear is no story save that and very little character development. The dialogue certainly... read

Yes a few misgivings

A review of Misgivings

by Simon_Radford on 05/25/2008

Hi , A nicely written fast piece keeping the reader interested the way through . The wtiter has written something genuinely entertaining here but slightly shallow in its three main stanzas. Concept - The part I like the most. Your basic premise is good but too clutterred with irrelevancies (I will expand later) to work at its current length. Character - Generally, the characters... Hi ,
A nicely written fast piece keeping the reader interested the way through . The wtiter has written something genuinely entertaining here but slightly shallow in its three main stanzas.
Concept - The part I like the most. Your basic premise is good but too clutterred with irrelevancies (I will expand later) to work at its current length.
Character - Generally, the characters are believable but a little under-developed. May I please expand (and this impinges on the story too). Angela starts off as a phobic/neurotic at the beginning, becomes a feisty compassionate individual and at the end, what has she become? Whilst she finds Walter attractive,there isn't much of a character to blend to.
The character of Danza is better developed as a Democrat nouveau riche snob if I read him correctly and his particular bullying style is well portrayed and capable of expansion.
Dialogue- I have mainly covered this in character; there is nothing more about the characters save this and the graphic description of Danza.
Story - At first is attractive, hence my commentary about the read. However, you have almost three distinct stories in one. Particularly the first two stories are thus:-
1. Girl jilts long time lover on the viewing platform of the Eiffel Tower, if described correctly with the history behind them enlarged, this could be the antithesis of "When Harry Met Sally" . Come on! It's a foreign land lacking in background and the desriptive power that only a cursory mention of Paris in a story would deserve.
2. Heated policical event tied up with Chappaquiddick type accident. Angry self seeking peudo-socialist looking for political comment. The dialogue is good but the whole theme could be developed.
3. Ending- is as lame as the average duck without the development outlined above. One is simply left thinking the question "Why"? I know I'm sounding hyper-critical but I hope you take this constructively. I have tried to leave clues as to whether expansion(into a novella or book) or its alternative, reduction (if you want to keep it a short story) would be appropriate .
Structure - See above because I've almost written enough to be a short already. I have faith in your writing and hope you are encouraged rather than the opposite .
Overall - See above. You get the message. read

Forrest Gump for the Noughties .

A review of The Record Album

by Simon_Radford on 05/23/2008

Hi, What an engaging read from start to finish ;I have no doubt that if ole Forrest can make it to the silver screen then Beth can as well. Concept-I believe this is quite original even given that it describes Beth's transition through an interesting and complex era . Character-The charcters are adequately described but I must suggest , slightly lacking in emotional quality... read

Nightmare on Dundee Drive

A review of The Ice Cream Man

by Simon_Radford on 05/23/2008

Hi, This is a long but ultimately rewarding story to read and definitely commendable for a first effort. Your concept is in the John Carpenter/Stephen King genre and you have managed to re-create their style and flair for the tense, yet expected very well. You turn an everyday event into something which kids reading this will think about when they go to the Ice Cream Van in... read

Very good

A review of The Room at the Top of the Stairs

by Simon_Radford on 05/22/2008

Hi , I really can't see why you have so far got a "Pass" from your reviewers . This story captivates from the word go but I imagine that some people don't like stories told in the first person only . You have one major grammatical flaw , which does actually slightly distract from the flow . "Its" in the possessive tense doesn't have an apostrophe . The story is reminiscent... read

An ecxcellant read

A review of Wilby

by Simon_Radford on 05/20/2008

Hi , This is a very well and well compacted story . Your descriptions are excellent . Concept - Not particularly original , i.e a boy getting bullied by his peers but well written from the narrator's point of view . Character - The school bully is nicely described and the main character shows rare emotion in such a short story . Dialogue - Cannot really be faulted . Spoken... read

TriggerStreet

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