vieira4

A review of Mrs. Yardley

by vieira4 on 07/16/2012

Thanks for uploading this story. You got so much emotion and passion into five pages! I sense that English is a language you have learned (although you've learned it very well). Therefore there are a few small mistakes. You're supposed to write numbers below 100 in words (9/nine). "short brown hair till neck" - short brown hair falling to her neck. "that time, which I subconsciously... read

Oh my life, that's disgusting!

A review of Black Molasses

by vieira4 on 04/14/2012

Wow... I have to admit, I had to skim quite a bit of the end, taking in enough details to understand what was going on without focusing too hard, or I, like the protagonist, would have been sick. Ugh. I don't know how you came up with this :D Having said all that, your writing is excellent. I didn't spot any mistakes. I loved your description of Carlucci and his home, and... read

Very good, compelling story.

A review of Not My Secret to Tell

by vieira4 on 04/14/2012

Time flew by while I was reading this. You have a real gift for keeping the reader engaged. I take it the couple had decided to kill Mr Hunt? That's what I took from the mildly ambiguous ending. If that's what you meant, it doesn't require clarification. I saw one mistake; on page 9, you wrote 'Denny' instead of Danny. I'm sure you've noticed, so don't worry about re-uploading... read

Good story, but I was slightly disappointed by the ending.

A review of Executive Status

by vieira4 on 04/09/2012

Hi. Thanks for this story, which I generally really liked. Your structure is impeccable, and your descriptions are vivid. I particularly enjoyed the central character's description of the New York sunset, followed by a verbal self-portrait. I was surprised by the guy's age when I eventually found it out. Was that intentional? The reason I found this disappointing probably... read

Very sweet. I like the parental confusion!

A review of Beth's Coupon

by vieira4 on 04/09/2012

Hi. Like the father, I'm not sure whether or not the daughter intended to put the manager in a bind, but I like how she gave the stuff back. Nice conclusion. I still carried a doll everywhere when I was 11, but then I moved house to an area where most people had given that up when they got out of a pushchair, and was forced to grow up. Shame, really. Your writing is generally... read

Slightly scary!

A review of Fantasies

by vieira4 on 03/29/2012

Hi. I knew you'd be a good writer because I noticed one of your other stories had five stars! Never seen that before. Anyway, this story certainly makes one think twice about agreeing to act out one's fantasies. I love how you build the tension as if a man is looking at a stranger, drooling over a random attractive woman, possibly being unfaithful to his wife. Next, you find... read

Brilliant, as usual.

A review of The Gospel of Michael

by vieira4 on 03/29/2012

Hi. Sorry it took me so long to review this. I know your stories are long, and I didn't want to rush it, so I waited until I wasn't busy. I love your characters. I also really like the creative way you thought about people's sins and confessions. You looked at both serious failures, and the mundane omissions of everyday life. P7 Juxtaposition of donkey/sorry ass - brilliant!... read

Absolutely brilliant!

A review of Train Song

by vieira4 on 03/17/2012

Hi. Thank you SO much for sharing this story with us. I have never identified with any character as much as I do with Alex. Some parts of the story that I found interesting; "It’s something he has over her, another tool he can use against her." - This is strange, because Alex seems like a nice enough, introspective, interesting guy up until this point, and suddenly, he seems... Hi. Thank you SO much for sharing this story with us. I have never identified with any character as much as I do with Alex. Some parts of the story that I found interesting;

"It’s something he has over her, another tool he can use against her." - This is strange, because Alex seems like a nice enough, introspective, interesting guy up until this point, and suddenly, he seems cruel and manipulative.

"Alex was always in the process of finding things to distract himself from his own thoughts and anxieties. It was suffocating, and the fact that he wasn’t and couldn’t be safe even within his own head continued to terrify him." - This is me. I am glad that somebody else knows what this is like enough to write about it, although I hope you've never felt as bad as I have, because I couldn't wish that on anybody!

"And he’s torn, because he wants this, wants originality and freedom. And he wants her. And he doesn’t know if he can have both. And he fears he never will." - I said 'Aww' out loud! How painful!

You have a few technical issues with your writing. Nothing major, just very common mistakes. Examples;

"It looks used like the old man’s eyes of whom he’d gotten it from on the street."
- Brilliant sentiment, not well written. Try, "It looks used, like the eyes of the old man from whom he'd gotten it, on the street."
P11 "you’ve drank" - you drank or you have drunk. (My favourite mistake. I do this all the time.) Same page 'can't breath' - can't breathe.
There was one long passage in which Alex and Meghan were talking to each other, and I couldn't quite follow who was speaking. Well, I probably could have done if I read very slowly, but I think it would be better to have a few he said/she said type pointers. Again, a mistake I made with my first story.

Anyway, this highly original, masterfully thoughtful piece really entertained and engaged me. I don't know how old you are, but you captured the inner world of an introspective teenager brilliantly. I feel like you must have worked on this for days, because the precision of what Alex feels is unbelievable. Maybe you're just talented and can knock something like this out in half an hour? If so, I'm jealous! read

Way to stick it to a racist!

A review of Grandma Ellie

by vieira4 on 03/17/2012

Hi. What a brilliant story. Thank you for letting us read it. Who is Tyrone Allen? I googled it, and there seemed to be some stuff about a basketball player, although not much. Is that who it is? I guessed, previously in the story, that her boyfriend was a black guy, which was why she didn't want her grandmother to meet him. I didn't mind the fact that I saw the ending coming,... read

Well done, gold star!

A review of The Angel of Woodward Avenue

by vieira4 on 03/15/2012

Hi. Really liked this story. Your locations were so visual that, even though I don't know the USA at all, I could see what kind of places Borromeo was in. The story explored the familiar theme of whether or not a person has his/her time, at which they are meant to die. However, the implication was not that Stockman's time was up, but that a mistake in Heaven had caused his... read

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Submissions by vieira4

Reviews by vieira4 76

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