Warren Paul Glover

A review of SLEEPER

by Warren Paul Glover on 10/13/2012

For the first 25 pages or so, I thought this was going to be a pretty good script, albeit following a fairly standard CIA-type storyline in the vein of S.A.L.T. There was good imagery (eg the mop in blood - who's though?) and transitions and the action was really well-written. Then what happened? By page 30 the writing became more flabby and the storyline more unbelievable... For the first 25 pages or so, I thought this was going to be a pretty good script, albeit following a fairly standard CIA-type storyline in the vein of S.A.L.T. There was good imagery (eg the mop in blood - who's though?) and transitions and the action was really well-written. Then what happened?

By page 30 the writing became more flabby and the storyline more unbelievable as the page count got higher. A great ACT I then, but for me ACT II and ACT III really lost me.

Offputting was the use of abbreviations without explanation: SCIF, SDO, SVR, DOD, QRF and E & E. Plus 'exfil-sight'. Maybe an American audience would get these but I was lost.

I also found some of the scenes hard to visualise. An early example is on page 11 where both marines moan yet one has already been knocked unconscious by his own weapon then the baddy shoots the other - all supposedly in under two seconds.

On page 28 Anna's reaction seemed unbelievable to me - fondling biceps? And I found the action on page 29 confusing.

By page 31, where Famo luckily finds the right window to shoot out of, I started to have my doubts about the script. After a promising beginning the story had seemed to take a downturn. Then on page 32 I read about "Vronsky and his blood drinkers" and I wondered if we'd suddenly switched genres from action/spy thriller to a vampire movie.

Some of the dialogue I found strange, e.g. 'Anna yelling 'Yeah, why did you shoot my parents?' And the Chatty Boy dialogue.

Anna seemed preoccupied with her image at very strange moments, like doing her make-up on page 37. So much so that this distracted from making her an authentically sympathetic character.

There are some typos, eg on pages 10, 18, 19, 23, 25, 31, 50, 51, 55 (there are probably more so you might want to give another proof read).

The story, for me at least, became too silly somewhere in ACT II, and by ACT III I'd lost all interest in the characters, who rarely rose above the one-dimensional. This was a real shame as I thought you're opening 20+ pages were well-written. For what it's worth, I'd consider rewriting in the vein of your first act. And I'd cut the page count. It's too long.
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Not the finished article

A review of Fixed Shadows (r)

by Warren Paul Glover on 09/03/2012

This started out quite promising with some good description, but for me it tailed off into a bland blend of cliched characters and dialogue. My overall impression was that we've seen this type of story many times before, and in the end the characters were all too similar and weren't drawn sympathetically enough to care about what happened to any of them. If you could flesh... read

Comforting Reflections

A review of Rituals

by Warren Paul Glover on 02/21/2012

A thought-provoking little piece that conveys a message from the writer-director. Not much goes on in the film but we have a funny opening of an old guy warning the camera crew following him that not much is going to happen and they'll be wasting their film. I don't think the film a waste of time but visually it's not exactly a treat. I went to the barber's last week and saw... read

Could go the distance

A review of God's Acre

by Warren Paul Glover on 08/21/2011

This is a really interesting premise and I can see a lot of promise in a longer version of this, actually showing what the father did to his three sons rather than, as in this really short version, merely talking about it. But I understand from the credits why the film was so short. Although I wasn't particularly interested in the father (I found him too weak and unattractive... read

Suicide Shift

A review of Suicide Shift

by Warren Paul Glover on 08/04/2011

On the whole this is beautifully written, although I thought you were guilty sometimes of writing not what we see or hear on screen, but also what's going on in the Main Character's head, eg p.82: "Who is this stranger? She seems so..." Similarly, when you interject your own admonishment to the reader: "Completely clothed of course, get your mind out of the gutter", I thought... read

We'll always be strangers if you shoot your characters from so far away

A review of We'll Always Be Strangers

by Warren Paul Glover on 07/22/2011

Loved the music! The film itself I found a bit strange. With no close-ups on the characters it was hard to empathise with them or get drawn into the story. It was more like watching CCTV footage. I did like the dream sequences being in colour, but other than that there was no clear handle on why she should like the guy, or even how things ended up. At one stage it seemed... read

The Other Side

A review of The Other Side of the Wall

by Warren Paul Glover on 07/22/2011

An intriguing short film about a nosey neighbour constantly kept awake who discovers the (sad) reason for why the girl next door can't sleep and, in turn, keeps him awake. Having been that neighbour kept awake by a baby's screams I instantly empathised with our man. That he was a writer suffering writers' block and attempted to turn his irritation into inspiration was a nice... read

Not quite 'Happy Ever After'

A review of PRINCESS (v1)

by Warren Paul Glover on 04/13/2011

I was quite enjoying this tale of teenage angst which was meandering along with some thoughtful insights and snappy dialogue. And then BANG! It changed direction so forcefully that it jolted me out of my state of benign cosyness and left me feeling...WHAT? Now, I know endings are hard, and I've yet to master them myself, but I thought this was just too left field. Sure, if... read

Review of Abandonment (v.2)

A review of Abandonment (V.2)

by Warren Paul Glover on 03/29/2011

On the whole you made a good, favourable first impression. Your writing is quite spare but conjures strong visuals - which is obviously a plus point in film. After a while, however, the same spare writing style started to get a bit annoying. It became a bit too spare, almost lazy in terms of not bothering to properly describe what was happening so I had to re-read the sentence... read

Needs more seasoning

A review of A Nickel For You

by Warren Paul Glover on 11/02/2010

First off, congratulations on producing an easy read. Your action and character descriptions are mostly clean and crisp, with no waffle, and it was easy to follow what was going on. The story seems a familiar one, however: an ex-con comes out of the slammer and tries to go straight, and it turns out he didn't do what he was sent down for. What I was looking for to turn this... First off, congratulations on producing an easy read. Your action and character descriptions are mostly clean and crisp, with no waffle, and it was easy to follow what was going on.

The story seems a familiar one, however: an ex-con comes out of the slammer and tries to go straight, and it turns out he didn't do what he was sent down for.

What I was looking for to turn this story into something different was a great twist or a real depth to the Main Character that would make me want to root for him. On this I think the story didn't quite deliver.

There are several times where it is stated that Riley is 'a good man', but there's very little evidence to support this. I felt Riley was a pretty one-dimensional character (actually a bit of a cliche). If you can find a way to make him more human, so that we can care about what happens to him, this would improve the script immmeasurably.

As it is, why should we care? He seems a pretty nasty character who easily resorts to violence but then is shocked when someone metes out violence to his kid. This didn't quite convince for me.

There were a couple of story elements that didn't work for me too. At the beginning, for example, Joe pats Riley on the back and shakes his hand, then in a blink of an eye tells him to leave and he's not welcome anymore. The jump between the two seems to me too big.

I also found the relationship between Riley and Melissa too easy. To have a love triangle involving two brothers is great (I've used this myself) but you fail to capitalise on the emotional angst this would generate. Make Riley and Melissa work a bit harder for their illicit love.

Melissa's reaction to the $1,300 that Riley used to pay for the hotel room was also unconvincing. She enjoyed the night then got all moral about it later. This didn't work for me.

Frank added some much needed moments of levity in an otherwise grim storyline, but appeared again a bit one-dimensional. The heart-to-heart Frank and Riley have is a bit too easy and convenient.

Work your characters harder and try to avoid the cliched stereotype. Make your characters more human and you'll have a better script. And cut out some of the exposition in the dialogue.

Your story works within its genre, but you can improve it I think.

My favourite bit was Riley's comeuppance.

The screenplay could also benefit from a thorough proofread as there are some typos sprinkled through it. For example, 'he scope out the area' (p.1), 'roles a dollar bill' (p.3), 'rat's scurry' (p.5), use of 'there' instead of 'their' (p.44) etc. read

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Submissions by Warren Paul Glover

Reviews by Warren Paul Glover 15

Comments About Warren Paul Glover 5

jayelveejr on 09/06/2012

arcilesifilms on 08/29/2011

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Submissions by Warren Paul Glover

Reviews by Warren Paul Glover 15

Comments About Warren Paul Glover 5

jayelveejr on 09/06/2012

arcilesifilms on 08/29/2011

happyhappersonjr on 04/15/2011

MarkZak26 on 11/03/2010

Suesea on 08/18/2010

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