ydnar600 

member since 11/21/2002 | last login 11/19/2014

A 2014 Bluecat Screenplay Contest Semifinalist for the script "Better to Dance..." which was reviewed on this site. I grew up in Dallas Texas in a wonderful lower-middle class family in a wonderful lower-middle class black neighborhood. At age 11 I was...

Bio

A 2014 Bluecat Screenplay Contest Semifinalist for the script "Better to Dance..." which was reviewed on this site. I grew up in Dallas Texas in a wonderful lower-middle class family in a wonderful lower-middle class black neighborhood. At age 11 I was forced to move to a small town in East Texas: Mt. Pleasant. I attended the University of Texas at Austin and graduated in 1992. I currently am a Business Analyst for an Austin consulting firm.

Submissions by ydnar600

Reviews by ydnar600 134

  • A review of Castaways
    by ydnar600 on 11/04/2014
    My running tally as I read: you’ve got quite a few minor misspells and punctuation issues here in the first few pages. I would also find a way, structurally, to introduce all of these characters a bit later if at all possible. Right now, I’m overwhelmed with trying to figure out who’s who. Page 9 lack of punctuation, for example "She holds up the handset". There's no period... read
  • A review of The Never Dead
    by ydnar600 on 10/26/2014
    Not entirely sure but I think there should be a fade in You have two successive sluglines as identical I believe the second one should be "" later "Where we are at…" is not particularly good English. It should just be where we are The man's fingers broken under the weight of the lid as he tries to fight it off…incomplete sentence. Bottom of page 9 you might want to take... read
  • A review of Monsters Inside
    by ydnar600 on 10/06/2014
    Some thoughts as I read: Page 3 desert instead of dessert Page 5 unkept or unkempt...I believe it's unkempt Page 6 whole versus hole…this happens more than once Page 8 misses. versus Missus Page 22 you have introduced Valerie Venton twice Page 23 vodka doesn't really stink…it’s odorless Page 26 this moment about putting the finishing touches on reminds me of biff tannen in... read
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Comments About ydnar600 46

  • Michael Keller on 11/10/2014

    Thanks for the thoughtful notes!
  • **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 11/02/2014

    Hi, thanks (again) for reading Reset (again). In my six years here, you may actually be the first person to ever read two drafts of one of my scripts, it was great to get that kind of perspective.

    The Lemon Coke thing... well, since you've been asking, prepare yourself for the most pretentious paragraph about a soda can ever. It's meant to symbolize how Logan and Jewell's friendship evolves. It's yet another childish thing that's really important to Jewell, it's something Logan doesn't care about at all, but in the end, she wants to make Jewell happy, so she goes to a great deal of trouble to chill the can for her. Hopefully it has more significance in this draft because it proves definitively to Jewell that Logan was on her side all along and was playing a long con with T.O.M. When she gets the chilled can, she barely cares about the soda itself and is reacting emotionally to the gesture by Logan. And when most of it explodes out of the can and has gone flat (bit of artistic licence that I hope no one calls me on), it doesn't matter to her because now she's grown up a bit and cares more about her friendship with Logan. It's the one thing that comes up in every review both on and off this site, for whatever reason. Seems to be a bit of a like-it-or-don't thing, but I'm fond of it.

    For my part, I just hope we film the movie and then some country that still sells Pepsi Twist ships us a free case. I do miss it so. :P
  • **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/14/2014

    Hi, thanks for the Reset review. You're totally on the money, especially with regards to how Logan and Jewell sound alike. The initial plan was for me to write the Logan character and someone else was going to write Jewell, but I wound up having to go it alone and now both characters pretty much just talk like me. The hope is to shoot this as a microbudget feature, hopefully the actresses we cast will tweak the dialogue and sound a little more distinct.

    Thanks again!
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